January 30, 2005 5:54 PM
Walking the walk
It's been a week since Sanctity of Life Sunday and something's heavy on my mind. I've been grieving since October when a young, beautiful, highly educated, and supposedly pro-life Christian celebrity/spokesperson -- Kelly Hollowell -- used her precious God-given forum on worldnetdaily to publicly freak out (click freak out to see her column) because her expected second child had been diagnosed with Down syndrome (DS). I must say that on reading her hysterical message, as a pro-life spokesperson myself -- plus the mother of four sons with DS (three adopted) -- I felt like I'd been kicked in the stomach.
The gist was that although she would not get an abortion, she was devastated by the diagnosis, and that although her Ph.D. is in DNA technology, she was trusting God to heal her daughter's genetic (!) condition. The implication was that DS was about the worst thing that could happen to a family.
Which leads me to believe there's a difference between a true prolifer and a prolife diletante.
And I should know. My life changed when my eighth child Jonny was born with DS in 1992. Although I did not have a prenatal diagnosis -- I was 44, but I turned tests down because I really meant it when I said the results wouldn't make a difference -- when they placed Jonny in my arms and I saw his beautiful almond eyes, I was prepared to receive him as a gift, as I wrote in My Little Extra.
My first thought: "God must love me so much!"
How could I think otherwise? After all, with two decades of intellectual, political, and feminist elitism behind me, when I became a believer God stripped that ugliness away, replacing it with a profound understanding of the sacredness of life and our true equality before him. To this day, I teach my kids that the principal and janitor of the school are equally worthy in God's eyes. Interestingly, our twelve kids run the gamut from a 16-year-old National Merit Scholar to Jonny. But there is no question in our house as to who is most worthy.
Jonny was followed a year later by his sister Maddy. We set out then to adopt one baby with Down syndrome and eventually ended up with three little extras.
As their mother and advocate, I had to respond to this "pro-life" expert's public tantrum. At first, I chose my words carefully, trying to be sensitive to her "grieving process." Still, she needed to know that her words only reinforced our society's irrational fears about Down syndrome, and that a high-profile pro-lifer publicly bemoaning such a diagnosis only made us seem like hypocrites -- demanding that such babies not be aborted by others, then when faced with the same circumstances completely losing her grip.
We exchanged a dozen or so emails, and though it started out gently, it ended up being rather tough love. I'm old enough to be her mother and experienced enough to appreciate that when God has been generous in giving one of his followers a public forum, that follower should be careful how she uses it. We should be evoking the best in people, not the worst.
She really never got it, accusing me of hurting her feelings. (Where is Rick Warren when we need him? "It's not about you.") Well, what about my sons with Down syndrome? What about her own daughter? They and their peers suffer when negative stereotypes -- anything portraying them as "less than" -- reinforce prejudice and fear about them.
The bottom line is this: Anyone who presumes to be a pro-life spokesperson should think long and hard about whether she is just anti-abortion (as the media dubs us) or truly pro-life. Otherwise, there's no credibility. As they say, "Your actions speak so loudly I can't hear what you're saying."
No matter what, it's just not enough to talk the talk.
Posted in Down syndrome, Pro-Life Issues | Permalink
Comments
Thought-provoking . . . has her daughter been born yet? (Sorry, I'm missing the time-frame.)
Posted by: Mel | January 30, 2005 11:47 PM
her column in October said she was five months pregnant, which would mean she was due in February. She writes weekly for worldnetdaily, and has not addressed the issue since.
Posted by: barbara curtis | January 31, 2005 12:24 AM
Have you read Martha Beck's "Expecting Adam"? She had some rather unique experiences while expecting a Downs Syndrome child. A very interesting book.
Posted by: Anvilcloud | February 1, 2005 6:27 AM
Yes, I loved Expecting Adam. It especially resonates with me because Adam was an agent of change in his parents' lives, turning them away from their Ivy League elitism and into a more authetic life experience. I saw that happen with my own family after Jonny was born, and I continue to see it with a wider circle of people as the boys continue to grow.
Posted by: barbara curtis | February 1, 2005 9:46 AM
Barbara, until now I hadn't had a chance to read Dr. Hollowell's article. I'm truly shocked. I think your analysis is absolutely correct. I know of one family, in particular, who has a Down's daughter and they are always remarking on how much JOY she has brought into their lives. I believe God allows children to be born with EVERYTHING they need to accomplish their life's mission (and that Down's kids have a mission too). Being a "Christian" doesn't just mean that you're saved, it means that you've made Christ your Lord. If Christ is Dr. Hollowell's Lord, she needs to learn to trust Him and know that He will always do what's best for her, even if it isn't easy.
Thank you so much for your understanding of this issue and willingness to share truth (with us and Dr. Hollowell). Your four boys - and all your kids - are blessed to have you.
-Amy
Posted by: Amy | February 4, 2005 6:38 PM
