March 16, 2005 9:00 AM
Sleeping through the night
Once past the oohs and ahhs at your new baby's beauty, friends and family zero in on the Big Question: "Is she sleeping through the night yet?" In the unlikely event that she is, you can nod your well-rested head and smile.
More likely, you'll be left wondering. "Will she ever sleep through the night?" and "Will I?" Take it from a mother of 12, both of you will eventually. But while certainly something to look forward to, too strong a focus on sleeping through the night can create a feeling of goal-orientation which just isn't compatible with how babies grow.
Every child is different. While children share the same developmental milestones, their timetables are highly individual. Even though a neighbor's baby - or an older sibling - may have slept through the night from two months, your new little sweetie may take most of the first year to make it though the night without you.
Children born prematurely or at low birth weights, as well as those with difficulty gaining weight will likely need night feedings longer. These children's needs must be met. Every feeding puts them closer to their ideal weight - thus less likely to need those extra feedings.
Some babies are more high need than others. They have a harder time relaxing to sleep or, once they have gotten there, maintaining deep sleep. They seem to need more comfort, more assurance. When a baby needs a little cuddle in the night, it is safe to give him one. In the first year, it is almost impossible to spoil a baby.
This isn't to say that you can't do all you can during the day to make it possible for your baby to sleep through the night. * see Note #1 below*
Nor does it mean that once your baby is sleeping in his crib you should jump up every time she stirs. Sleep studies show that infants have more and shorter periods of deep sleep interspersed with light. Your baby needs to learn to handle these nighttime ups and downs himself. Let him try to comfort himself back to sleep before you rush in to do it for him.
But letting a baby cry for long intervals is not appropriate at this age. Parents should be cautious about imposing all-night sleep on a baby who - for whatever reason - is just not ready.
The dependence God built into babies has a purpose. Parents need to be sensitive and responsive to their baby's needs. Many experts and well-seasoned parents (like Dr. William Sears, recognized Christian parenting authority as well as father of 8) affirm that parental responsiveness in the first year builds up a trusting and secure relationship which will produce a responsive child for years to come.
So take it one night at a time. Ask God for the stamina and patience to make the most of those midnight monents alone with your little one. Ask anyone whose kids are grown - they'll tell you they were over too soon.
Note #1
Parenting programs which push rigid scheduling (Ezzo's Parenting Kids God's Way, e.g.) misinterpret the baby's signals as power plays rather than simple needs. Infancy needs do not pose a threat to our primacy as parents. Rather, they can bring out the best in us - flexibility, patience, and compassion. Try not to think of baby's waking as an obstacle to your well-being, but a very temporary stage you can get through together.
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Note #2
If baby's sleeping a lot during the day while you do housework, you may need to rethink your priorities. Try to give your baby enough stimulating hours during the day to make him need his rest at night. On the other hand, if you know you will probably be up at night, try to get a catnap or two during the day. And go to bed early!
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Posted in Babies, Big families, Family, Mothering | Permalink
Comments
One of my favorite articles on nighttime parenting is this one:
Night Waking: or, Will I Ever Get A Good Night's Sleep Again?
http://www.breastfeeding-basics.com/html/night_waking.shtml
Posted by: TulipGirl | March 23, 2005 5:06 PM
I love your blog!
One of my favorite reads is "The No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. It's more like lots of tips and ideas as you gradually make your journey toward sleeping ... one day.
Posted by: Christine | May 9, 2005 3:42 PM
