Mommy Life: Dirtier by the Dozen/Justin's Five Today!

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April 27, 2005 2:00 PM

Dirtier by the Dozen/Justin's Five Today!

Four and a half years ago, we got a call from Catholic Charities: Would we be willing to consider adopting another baby with Down syndrome?

Barely missing a beat, I said, "I don't think so." I was feeling pretty old and tired. Jonny, our first son with Down syndrome was 8. Madeleine was 7. Jesse and Daniel, our first two adopted Downzers were 5 and 4.

"Are you sure?" the social worker wanted to know. "We've introduced these parents to so many families and nothing has clicked."

I was sure.

But when I got off the phone, Sophia - then 11 - started in: "Mom, how could you say no? You always said you wanted 12. Now we can be Dirtier by the Dozen!" (an unusual mix of Cheaper by the Dozen with The Dirty Dozen, which her brothers had recently watched).

And so we agreed to meet Justin and his parents. They were from Taiwan, here on the husband's student visa and working postgraduate an hour from us in California. They were young and having a baby with Down syndrome was a big surprise. They loved him very much.

It was really their love for him that drove them to choose adoption. Though through his birth they could have become American citizens, they both wanted to return home to their families. Life for people with Down syndrome in Taiwan could be cruel. And they could see that here, he would be given every opportunity to meet his potential. That's the life they wanted for their son.

I knew that Catholic Chairties must have been scraping the bottom of the barrel to call us. We were older. And we had a big family - which some people have a hard time understanding the plus sides of (some even say kids from big families are less intelligent -- tell that to my sixth, who is the only National Merit Scholar Finalist in his high school this year).

But Justin's parents loved our family. They said they'd never met such polite and respectful children - and because of their cultural background, this was important.

Justin was nine months old when they came and spent the weekend with us - all of us taking turns holding him. It was February 1, so we watched Groundhog Day together, as we do each February 1. On Sunday, in a flurry of tears, we said goodbye and then the Curtises were officially Dirtier by the Dozen.

The first year, they came to visit every month or so. Justin's mom, intrigued by my Montessori teacher training, decided to take it too. She also had another baby. And then, simultaneously we moved to Virginia and they moved back to Taiwan. Two years ago they came to visit with Justin's grandparents. They were so pleased to see how wonderful an education he was receiving here in Loudoun County. They are coming again next month, this time with another baby.

I have a friend who is adopted. She says that, unlike others, she never feels any angst about it. But then in a moment of doubt - Am I in denail? Should I be feeling weird? - she asked God to reveal if there was something she was avoiding. She said God impressed on her heart a simple answer: that he wanted one set of parents for her genes and another for her upbringing.

Today is Justin's fifth birthday. I am grateful Sophia was there to remind me to say yes instead of no. I am so grateful God chose us as part of Justin's team. His sweet spirit makes every day brighter. Like his Downzer brothers - another gift that keeps on giving.

Love,