June 18, 2005 8:24 PM
What it's all about
Our sixth child graduated today. Six down and six to go.
I am now entering that stage of motherhood where I am more the grandparents' age at these events. An uncomfortable place to be, since all the other mothers are looking much more glamorous than I. And, yes, I know I'm not supposed to care -- that only makes it worse when I do.
But let's talk about Zachary, because it was his day. And because I think knowing a little more about Zachary will give other mommies something to dream on.
Zachary was the fourth of a string of four boys born within 5 1/2 years. When he was two months old, we moved from the suburbs to the country. When he was three months old, I broke my arm while flying a kite (that's another story. . . ) and had a cast from my knuckles to above my elbow. Not exactly the cuddliest situation.
Zachary was a quiet baby - so quiet I would have worried about him if I hadn't been so busy. He loved the mobile of yellow duckies above his changing table and would flail his arms and legs in appreciation of them. I'd stand by, camcorder in hand, for half an hour at a time waiting for some sound to emerge -- you know, talking to the yellow duckies. But Zachary was a man of few words.
He was a very late reader. I had taught my other kids to read by four or five, using the very simple but effective Montessori method (in my book Ready, Set, Read! but for Zachary, reading didn't click until he was seven or so.
Then, by nine he was reading heavy tomes about ancient and modern warfare, biographies of famous leaders like Winston Churchhill and Atilla the Hun. He had a deep voice and spoke in a dreary monotone - kinda like Eeyore.
And he had a stutter. The plan I came up with for his stutter I later described in an article called "When Your Child Stutters." The stutter would disappear for a while, only to return with a vengeance - and with great regularity.
Then one day when Zachary was 10 or so, I wondered to myself when the was the last time I had heard it. And like so many things, "it came to pass."
Zachary was so intelligent, that at 12 he scored 1020 on the SATs. At 13 he passed the California High School Proficiency Exam and enrolled in college.
But when we moved to Virginia, he and his brothers went into public high school. Zach ended up graduating only a year early at 17. But if you asked him today, he'd tell you it wasn't wasted time at all. Zach is such a serious student that he can get something out of any course. And Loudoun schools and teachers are very impressive. Plus this last year, a wonderful thing happened for Zachary: he really came into his own socially, with friends here, there, and everywhere. He finally felt comfortable inside his skin.
He was the only National Merit Scholarship finalist out of his class of 363. (SATs now 1520) I was so proud of him today I could have bust my buttons!
So, please don't judge me harshly for bragging so long and so loud about this very special son. For one thing, I want parents of little kids to know how important it is to relax when your kids are young and not get hung up about problems like stuttering. When I look back, I realize Zach's little brain was probably just going so fast he couldn't get everything out.
And I also offer Zachary as evidence against the charge some people make that kids from big families are dumbed down because of lack of attention from their parents. Zach was 6th of 12 - right in the middle. When he was four, Jonny was born with Down syndrome and a bunch of medical problems that kept us going in and out of the hospital for 15 months. When Zach was 5, Madeleine was born. When Zack was 7 we adopted another baby with Down syndrome. Mama started writing. Then two more adoptions.
It's not like we were grooming him to be what he turned out to be.
But, I believe -
That when God plants something special in one of his creations, it will rise to the surface despite the soil. I grew up in a very undesirable, neglectful environment. But like Zach, I skipped grades. And was also a National Merit Finalist.
Then too, the thing is not to get hung up on intelligence as the most important gift. I have other children who are gifted singers or extraordinary parents or just plain wonderful human beings, full of kindness and character.
Mommies, this is what it's all about. As Rick Warren's Purpose-Driven Life begins: It's not about you.
It's all about them.
The sooner we realize that and surrender, the more joy we'll find in our everyday life.
Congratulations, Zachary, and thank you God for using Zachary and all his brothers and sisters to shape me into the person you wanted me to be!
Posted in Big families, Family, Mothering, Teens and Tweens | Permalink
Comments
Congratulations and brag on! One of life's pleasures is having a young adult you have raised turn out so well that you have cause to take pleasure in them. Proverbs is right -- good sons give their mothers rest.
Posted by: Cheryl | June 19, 2005 2:01 AM
How wonderful to hear! Congratulations to your Zachary! (I have one of my own.)
Posted by: Mel | June 19, 2005 2:47 AM
Rejoicing with you, Barbara, for this is a blessing! Congratulations to Zachary!
And as a 52 year old with a 5 year old son, I know what you mean about being the "grandma." ;-)
Posted by: Willena | June 19, 2005 12:58 PM
Thank you for the very encouraging article. I needed to hear this today. I am expecting our 6th child and am wondering how in the world I am going to do it all. Our 4th child has downs, so he and his younger brother are like twin toddlers, very busy and active twin toddlers. A lot of joy and a lot of chaos and I always feel like I'm running behind.
Thanks for the reminder that it all does not depend on me.
And congratulations to you and Zachary!
Posted by: Maggie | June 19, 2005 4:54 PM
Congrats to Zachary and his mom, too.
I totally relate to feeling old. I am the same age as the other kids' grandparents at our children's baseball games. It was a bit more of a shock for me this year and I still have a few more years until my youngest can play. I guess I will sit with the great-grandparents then.
Posted by: Cindy | June 19, 2005 8:01 PM
Thanks for all these comments! Cindy, I have a 5 year old too (by adoption) and so was just realizing that I will be 70 when he graduates. where do you live? maybe we should join forces :)
Posted by: barbaracurtis | June 19, 2005 9:36 PM
Look at it this way, Barbara... some of us will never suffer from "empty nest syndrome!"
Posted by: Willena | June 20, 2005 2:49 PM
