July 8, 2005 9:32 AM
A dad on Down syndrome
A very special dad recently started blogging at Down Syndrome Life.
His third child has Down syndrome, and though he and his family have embraced their calling to love and raise "The Little Peanut," he speaks poignantly of the rift they feel with their friends. Since his first post described the loneliness of losing that comfortable intimacy they once shared, I'm guessing the blog was born out of his pain.
I know that feeling. When you have a child with Down syndrome, whether it takes you a few hours, a few days, or a few months to process the disappointment - which I believe is caused by our society's constantly instilling fear in parents-to-be - eventually every parent, I believe, comes to see the addition of this child to the family as an incredible blessing.
Yes, it's harder work raising them. So what? If we measured the benefit of everything by the hard work involved, I guess we wouldn't have much at all, would we? So to me, that's not a factor in deciding the worth of any child.
Besides, as experienced parents can tell you, their "perfect" attractive and intelligent children sometimes end up causing them more grief and trouble than a child with a handicap ever could. Take it from this mom who tried so hard to do everything right, and yet is praying each day for a prodigal who left two years ago. I'm sure I cried more tears over him than I ever shed over my Downzers (for those new to this blog, I have 4 sons with Down syndrome because after Jonny was born, we went on to adopt another and another and another).
If prospective parents understood what a gift it is to have a child with Down syndrome, they wouldn't be afraid when the doctors pull out the charts to show them their percentages, they woulldn't choose abortion when they got a diagnosis, they would think in terms of Emily Perl Kingsley's classic Welcome to Holland.
Jonny was born 13 years ago. That's him in the previous entry with Steven Curtis Chapman. He has filled our lives with love and laughter and so much more compassion and understanding than we ever could have generated on our own. I wrote about that in About that Extra Chromosome . And check my Down syndrome category for other random thoughts and celebrations of Down syndrome.
And here's BStrong after just a year with Little Peanut:
Being a father of a child that has Down Syndrome is probably the greatest gift I have ever received (Yes, my two other kids are right up there). She has taught me so much in her first year of life. It's fascinating how one little person who can't talk yet can show you how to be a better husband, father, son and friend.If only his friends could see! But that's the thing, isn't it? Before I had a baby with Down syndrome, my opinions were shaped by the fear the world instills in us too. Having Jonny really liberated me from that fear: "So this is what all the fuss is about?"
It was realizing this that helped me understand that all of us are disabled in God's eyes, and that each day he is trying to heal us of our disabilities and help us reach our true potential - in terms of understanding, compassion, acceptance, courage and joy. Our kids with Down syndrome are surely part of that healing process.
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Comments
It's great that this guy is able to find a place to be honest.
Posted by: Julana | July 8, 2005 12:37 PM
and a place to make new friends who understand.
Posted by: barbaracurtis | July 8, 2005 6:02 PM
This is a great post. I had a cousin with Downs...and he was a pretty great kid. I used to babysit him often when I was in high school.
Unfortunately, we lost him to Leukemia in 1998. He is greatly missed.
Great work you are doing!!
Posted by: Bethany | July 11, 2005 12:42 AM
