July 7, 2005 12:56 PM
An invitation to Sappho737
My posting of Steven Mosher's 10 Great Reasons to Have Another Child provoked a comment from sappho737@somewhere.com asserting that:
-50% of children conceived are unwanted
-these children are conceived from heterosexual sex
-yet people keep persisting in heterosexual sex
-and unwanted children keep being conceived
-therefore, the obvious answer is for society to embrace other forms of sex besides heterosexual
I made a judgment call that my readers would probably not be interested in reading that take on the subject of reproduction. I know some blogs revel in controversy, but my design for this one is to simply to encourage, equip, and empower moms to find the joy in being a mom.
Sappho737 accused me of deleting her remark because
-I wanted to make people think that everyone agreed with me
-I was incapable of mounting a rebuttal.
I replied explaining the purpose of my blog:
these are the parameters i have set for my blog. i'm not inviting controversy. i'm here to encourage and equip mothers. period.
i am a professional writer, so i only have a limited time to devote to my blog. i also have 12 kids (8 still at home) including 4 with handicaps (3 we adopted) plus 9 grandkids. i have to be very careful about how i spend my time.
you don't strike me as someone who is looking to find common ground, but someone who was baiting me for a fight. that's not what i'm about.
btw, i lived for years in the gay community of san francisco and marin (mostly with men, but also eventually with women) and have a very all-over-the-map background. nothing really shocks me and i could write your side of the arguments as easily as i write my own. i completely understand where you're coming from.
so no rebuttal here. and i'm not trying to create any illusion. we all know not everyone agrees with Christians. that's certainly not news. but everyone is entitled to a place where they can communicate without a lot of bitter diatribes and judgment. gays and lesbians want that too. i don't go looking for fights from them.
blessings to you and your endeavors,
barbara curtis
Sappho 737 replied:
I wasn't trying to "fight." I think I brought up an excellent point regarding the reproductive options you spoke about. Both sides of the abortion debate fail to address the flawed social structure creating the need for abortion. When couples engage in so much heterosexual intercourse there are going to be unplanned pregnancies. A lot of them. You don't seem to want that point on your website; it seems like you want to start the fight.
Personally, I think you just want to make it look like people agree with you so you can sell your book. Maybe you can trick readers into thinking "wow, all these people agree with this woman; her book's got to be good." Also, if you're times as restricted as you're saying it is due to your obligations to your 12 kids I wonder how you even found time to write the book.
If you're not going to allow posts written from outside a very narrow brand of Christianity you should post that on your site so your censorship is obvious readers (and that you're not creating any false illusions) and so that people writing outside your narrow brand of Christianity do not waste their intellect on a response that will be deleted.
You're a fake. Good luck trying to trick people into buying your book.
You know, I've encountered that cynicism before - people think that if you have a healthy, wholesome family - not perfect, of course, but healthy and wholesome - that you must be faking it. (I have to remind everyone that my family is not perfect or I'd feel like a hypocrite. This morning my 15-year-old daughter and I are having it out about her attitude, and I'm feeling so far from perfect it's not funny :)
I understand the cynicism about happy families - the snide remarks about Leave It to Beaver and baking cookies. Having grown up without one myself I would have found it difficult to believe. But I've discovered that parents have a choice. With God's help, anyone from any circumstances can rise above the past and create something new and beautiful.
That's because we are made in God's imageand he is the Creator. We don't have to accept anything the way it's been. We can choose to create something new.
Isn't that a liberating thought?
The thing about knowing God is that it's more liberating than any political movement on earth. I know because I was intensely involved in every leftist/counterculture lifestyle from 1965 to 1987. Twenty two years of scoffing at Christians and feeling I was free.
Then in one moment - surrendering my life to Christ - I was truly free. I could see the chains that had bound me.
Does that explain my enthusiasm for the second chance I was given - the life I have now?
How can I repay the Lord
for all his goodness to me?
O Lord, truly I am your servant. . .
you have freed me from my chains. Psalm 116: 12, 16
Two days ago, I wrote to Sappho737:
i really don't make enough money selling books from my blog to cover the cost of keeping it up. i blog because i care about mothers and their children and so it's a way to get my info to them free. if they want to buy my book that's great because i have info there to help them. i'm a trained montessori teacher and an experienced mom.I'm sincere. I hope she comes to visit. And if she does, we can really talk and share some of the things we discover here in this space.
i write when my kids are in school.
if you think i'm a fake, i invite you to come spend a week with our family. i mean it. we live in virginia. people love to spend time with us - straight and gay friends alike. we'll treat you like a queen - good meals, sightseeing and lots of entertainment from my kids :)
sincerely,
barbara
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Comments
Barbara, I haven't been reading your blog very long, but I love it. I laughed when I read the last line of Sappho's post, "You're a fake. Good luck trying to trick people into buying your book."
No one can have 12 kids and fake it! I take notes while reading your blog, and I"m sure I'll do the same reading your book.
Posted by: Donna | July 7, 2005 1:30 PM
Love your Blog. 12 Kids? Bless you! I couldn't do it. I want to address this point that sapphos made:"therefore, the obvious answer is for society to embrace other forms of sex besides heterosexual."
I disagree, the answer is not more sex, in any form the answer is SELF CONTROL! What ever happened to Just say No?
Posted by: kc | July 7, 2005 8:08 PM
I also get the feeling sappho's looking for an argument. Her worldview is so different, that you have to go back to her core beliefs to deal with her perspective on having children. The presuppositions she brings to the table make it unfruitful to dialogue on birth control, without talking about other things first (i.e., the nature and value of an individual human being).
And honey, I would never accuse Barbara of being incapable of mounting a rebuttal. :-)
Posted by: Julana | July 8, 2005 12:13 PM
I am just shocked that someone would write such mean things about you and your books. I have read all 4 of your books twice plus met you at a MOPS meeting. They have been very helpful and inspiring- teaching me how to be a mom when I didn't know how to be. Whenever I have e-mailed you a mothering question, you have replied quickly and in depth with lots of suggestions-- even though you didn't know me. I consider you to be a mentor.
Has she even read one of your books? I see that you lay down your life to encourage moms. Interestingly enough, today I had a guest in her 80s from France. She said that Germany and Italy are going to be in real trouble in a few years because they don't have enough children being born.
Plus, unplanned pregnancies from too much heterosexual sex isn't the problem. It's our societies perspective that children from unplanned pregnancies aren't wanted. It is thinking we know best when we want to have our kids and if they come at a different time that it is a problem. Having had an "unplanned" pregnancy 3 years ago (in the context of marriage), I am SO glad to have my second son now. He is the perfect gift to our family and adds joy that is indescribable. He actually makes my life easier and his older brother's life more fun.
Posted by: Angela | July 8, 2005 6:39 PM
