July 28, 2005 11:00 AM
Disrespecting Disabilities
I was getting referrals from a Certain Blog with which I've parted ways. Curious, I went there to find out why. I really didn't like what I found.
My daughter Jasmine had blogged something on my grandson's birthday about what a wonderful boy he is, mentioning that he has a form of dwarfism and including a picture. Now you have to understand that Jasmine's blog is a very mommy-friendly and down-to-earth kind of place where she has created a comfortable community of friends - the kind of mommies who write about their kids and share honestly with each other.
Certain Blogger had a rather unusual reaction to Jasmine's post: Lying in bed, her thoughts turned to the Quiver Full philosophy (a subject she is very concerned with but repeatedly misrepresents) and how that relates to people with disabilities:
"Suddenly the whole quiver full thing came to mind..."If they say that the Bible teaches that all people are to be fruitful and multiply, and that it's never okay to use any form of birth control, then that would include those with disabilities but who still have reproductive abilities. So for example, married people who are blind, paralyzed, have a debilitating disease, or are mentally retarded should have as many children as their bodies can physically reproduce? If they are capable of marriage, it doesn't matter what genes they pass on or what abilities they have to care for a large family?"
Let me first of all just say that it was in terrible taste to take one mother's blog about her son (who happens to have what we call a disability) and turn it into fodder for more controversy and bait for the Quiver Full crowd (which they wisely didn't take - I think they've mostly deserted Certain Blog).
Exploitation is the word that comes to mind.
And it was highly insensitive for an able-bodied and -minded person to open a forum for debate over the fate of the disabled and what they should be allowed to do with their lives.
Objectification is the word that comes to mind.
Also, once again, elitism.
Certain Blogger finds it very important to be known for her intellect. I'd say this is the intellect at its worst - completely insensitive to propriety, feelings, and the admonition of scripture, and eager to tread into territory of which it has no experience. So blind as to ignore the humanity of a group of people while the elite group discusses how their fate should be settled.
The funny thing about the crowd Certain Blogger attracts is that though many of them pride themselves on intellect, they are quick to stoop to verbal tactics that anyone at all versed in debate knows are wrong:
ad hominem attacks - attacking the person rather than presenting an argumentstraw man - attacking an exaggerated statement of your opponent's position, as in representing QF crowd as "trying to have as many babies as they can possibly have."
(For more, see A List of Fallacious Arguments)
The last time Certain Blogger hosted a major QF controversy, it attracted a lot of attacks and misrepresentation. Thus, during the 64 comments that ensued from CB's latest QF bait when she commented that the QF crowd was notably quiet on the subject of disabilities and reproduction, I had to laugh. Did she expect that they would continue to hang around a forum that invites contempt and scorn to be heaped upon them? They get enough of that in the secular world.
Anyway, my own experience in dealing with people with disabilities is this:
Before I had Jonny, I didn't have a clue about much at all. Having a child with a disability taught me more than my college education about life and about people and about thinking outside the box. Having a child with a disability taught me more about applying scripture to daily living than a thousand years of intellectual debate.
One of the things it taught me is that each of us is disabled, though some disabilities we cannot see - like our insensitivity and arrogance, for example.
Another lesson is that while most people are limited by focusing on what is, people with disabilities learn to focus on what can be. In that, they have a lot to teach us.
The idea that sighted people would presume to discuss whether blind people should reproduce - and in the Christian community - sends a chill up my spine!
My own motto as a writer is something I picked up from the Frank Capra movie Meet John Doe:
Say something simple and real,
something with hope in it.
In keeping with that, while the intellectual crowd decides the weighty matter of how and when and why and if and how much people with disabilities should reproduce, I will stick to offering something I find true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, praiseworthy (Philippians 4:8). It is the story of a wonderful woman I'm privileged to know - one whose disability would have made her ineligible in some people's minds for motherhood.
But it would take a lot to convince her children of that.
Her story next on MommyLife.
Posted in Disabilities | Permalink
Comments
That is really deplorable. I hate when people presume to know so much about things that they really can't even fathom, not being in the shoes of the person that they are judging. (((Hugs))) to Jasmine, for having to deal with such people, and kudos to you for calling them out on it.
I can't wait for the story you are going to share!
Posted by: Rachel | July 28, 2005 1:07 PM
Thank you, Barbara! Well done! I was also shocked at Certain Blogger's assumptions, as it definitely had a tone of elitism. Thank you for presenting the truth. God bless you and your family!
Posted by: Kathy | July 28, 2005 1:19 PM
I'm one of those that didn't want to get caught up in the discussion on that blog. I'd already spent some time discussing it over at Evangelical Update and even a little on my blog. I was raised in a pretty "intellectual" atmosphere and frankly, I don't like to have my intelligence insulted by people who disagree with me:) Thank you for the great example you set and let me just say I can't wait to here the story about a disabled mother.
Posted by: Shannon Miller | July 28, 2005 3:27 PM
As a fellow mother of a child with Down syndrome, I appreciate this post. You are on the mark.
Posted by: Julana | July 28, 2005 5:11 PM
Thanks so much for keeping your blog uplifting and positive. I can't wait to read the story about the disabled mother!
Posted by: Dani | July 28, 2005 6:06 PM
Thank you for your thoughtful & inspiring post. I just love it when people make judgements regarding things about which they're completely ignorant. As a mother of a T21 little man & another man with PDD, I would be livid if someone else decided what was & wasn't right for them. Jasmine is obviously a wonderful mother and her little guy is a precious gift.
Just makes me think of 1Peter 5:5
Young men, in the same way be submissive to those who are older. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because,
"God opposes the proud
but gives grace to the humble."
Posted by: Christy | July 28, 2005 10:28 PM
It’s reckless and insensitive for someone to posture or comment on something they know nothing about. These kinds of people are ignorant to the important things in life and are usually unhappy with their own lives.
Thank you for your voice.
Posted by: BStrong | July 29, 2005 9:11 AM
"Say something simple and real,
something with hope in it."
Great motto! The world needs more of that.
Posted by: Amanda Witt | July 29, 2005 1:29 PM
Thanks for the great post. I am also the mother of a darling little boy with Down Syndrome.
I used to visit the blog you are referring to quite frequently, but the whole issue with the QF thing and how it has been misrepresented by this blogger has irked me no end. I have not participated in any of the discussions as writing is not my best form of communication and with 5 kiddos and another on the way, I don't have time to sit at my computer all day and formulate responses.
I also look forward to your story on the disabled mom.
Posted by: Maggie | July 29, 2005 6:11 PM
I agree with all the others who have written how it is not at all encouraging to read bloggers who write in a way that picks on others. I don't read some blogs anymore because it makes me upset. I am grateful to rarely see that in the QF groups. Even though I am not totally QF, a lot of the arguments people use against the philosophy are apalling and upsetting. I am so inspired by how you respond to this Barbara! It is wonderful to see someone so positive about children with disabilities, and confronting the fears many have about them.
Posted by: siward | July 29, 2005 11:27 PM
You are a wise women. Keep on doing what you're doing.
Spunky
Posted by: Spunky | July 31, 2005 10:12 AM
your grandson is just beautiful.
oh it ticks me off when people talk like that and you articulated exactly why.
Posted by: paige | August 1, 2005 2:48 AM
Although I have taken some heat from the Christian "nice patrol" - you know, like once you become a Christian you give up the right and responsibility to confront what needs to be confronted - I still feel this post was in order.
As mother of four boys with disabilities, I've not only earned the right but have the obligation to defend those with disabilities. Just as it would be inappropriate for a bunch of white people to discuss issues as they petain to African-Americans, it is inappropriate for those outside the disability community to discuss any limitations on those within. I will say it again: insensitve and elitist.
I appreciate these comments, but I am not one to manipulate others into defending me against detractors. People who write are responsible for their words - not just as they are intended, but as Veronique pointed out tonight - as they are heard.
Posted by: barbaracurtis | August 3, 2005 9:08 PM
