July 29, 2005 8:10 AM
Labor and delivery tips
No, I don't have any! But a mommy wrote this morning asking for some.
I've written about my first delivery experience back in the hospital dark ages of 1969 Washington, D.C. in a book scheduled for publication later this year, tentatively titled Reaching the Left with the Right:
I was pregnant that summer, by August too pregnant to go to Woodstock – much to my regret. On September 17, in the throes of labor, I waddled into Georgetown University Hospital with Jeff.
This was before sensible and compassionate childbirth. As usual, pursuing a different path, I’d searched hard for the then few-and-far between books on natural childbirth and breastfeeding. To the hospital staff this meant simply no pain relief. Other than that, the experience was barbaric: I was shaved and strapped to a rigid table, wheeled into a delivery/operating room surrounded by people in masks, including Jeff – present only because of our take-no-prisoners approach to him being there. After the baby was born, they took her away for 12 hours observation, while I was not allowed to get out of bed even to go to the bathroom, much less to go down the hall to see her. Jeff had to leave at the close of visitors’ hour at 8:30. All of this was standard procedure for all births in 1969.By the next morning, after an achingly sleepless night without my baby, I found my voice. When my doctor came to check me I insisted on leaving immediately. Not a big deal today, but back then – well,my neighbors couldn’t believe their eyes when they saw us coming home in less than 24 hours when I should have been in the hospital four or five days.
I recount this for a reason. The counterculture was guilty of many mistakes, of implementing grand philosophical ideas that turned out to have disastrous consequences for the individual and society at large. Nevertheless, there were some good things that came of it. One was a reevaluation of the way babies were born in the U.S. The counterculture movement was responsible for turning that process upside down, and today it is possible and probable that a baby will be born in a way that honors mother, father, baby, and the Creator as well.
So that was one good result from the counterculture movement. Another was my first daughter, Samantha Sunshine.
Of course that wasn't even as barbaric as back in the days when I was born, when they had all the women in rows of beds in one big labor room moaning and groaning in chorus.
Can you imagine?
Jasmine was born in San Francisco seven years after Samantha in the front bedroom of our rowhouse on 28th and Guerrero. There was no way I was going to have a baby in the hospital after my first experience!
But by the time I was pregnant with Josh in 1983, things had changed, and so my next seven babies were born at Marin General Hospital in very family-friendly conditions. All were natural, except for my last birth with Maddy, when I dscovered epidurals. My only wish is that I had discovered them sooner!
Anyway, since it's been 12 years since I delivered a baby, I thought it would be more helpful to turn this mommy's question over to you all. Here goes:
Also, do you have any advice on getting ready for child birth? My 3rd is due in 12 weeks. I had a difficult time with my oldest (40 hours of contractions) with a lot of weird things happening (like the doctor's shift ending when I was ready to deliver). The second one was better (midwives and he was only 5lb 12oz.). I would love for this time to go smoothly, but I am not sure what to do differently.
I'm going to be at Maddy and Jonny's play this afternoon, then hosting the cast party for 28 tweeny-boppers, so I'm hoping in the meantime some great mommy advice will take place here.
Have a wonderful day and any time you feel discouraged, just think of that Mary Engelbreit card
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My epidural was given to me only a few minutes before my daughter was actually born and didn't take effect until after she was weighed and placed on my chest all snuggly, pouting and warm. The nurse said to me at some point during the 14 hour labor, "poor thing, you weren't prepared for this, were you?" Um. Please tell me how I "prepare" for this kind of pain, this kind of joy, this kind of unpredictable, unrelenting fear, worry, peace, contentment, exhaustion, hormones, emotions, love and responsibility. You don't prepare for this kind of thing. It just is. You learn it and experience it by doing it. By going through each moment and each day with the only expectation but to lean on Christ with each breath you, and eventually your baby take.
I guess I don't believe in smooth labor and deliveries. Just like I don't believe being a parent is a smooth, prepared experience or role. The unexpected happens and I constantly find myself unprepared. The only thing is, you are suddenly able.
We prayed a great deal before my daughter was born about the delivery and my fears and worries and when the moments came and the pain made me think (and wish) I was dying, I was still able to do what I needed to do for my child. I'm hoping the same will be true as she enters her second year of life and the pre-teen years and teenage years and beyond. I will do what I have to, not because I am prepared, but because I am able, through and with the strength, grace and love of Christ.
I'm not saying I don't try to prepare and make plans, but I'm learning to not become too attached to them or any pre-conceived prayer and notion that a specific experience with my child will come out the way I desire. Growth, I believe, doesn't come out of smoothness and easy, prepared experiences. And boy oh boy, is God growing me through my daughter.
Take this for what it is - I have only one daughter and one experience. It's very possible my small amount of knowledge through my sole experience isn't true of everyone else or even the next child God may choose to give our family. I no longer pretend to have all the answers or solutions. Motherhood, if nothing else, is indeed humbling.
Posted by: Laura | July 29, 2005 11:00 AM
Laura -
amen! I started to copy a quote and then I found myself highlighting your whole comment. Definitely worth reading more than once - you better post it at your own blog too!
My hubby and I especially laugh about the part where I go, "I can't do this. I need to get out of here." Usually the baby is there a few minutes later.
Posted by: barbaracurtis | July 29, 2005 11:20 AM
I gave birth twice at home. The first labor was 43 hours. The second was six. Both babies were born in birthing tubs. My advice is to stay at home, upright, moving, ignoring labor as long as possible. Don't pay any attention to contractions until it is not possible to do anything else. More importantly, before you even go into labor, try to make sure baby is in the optimal position, not just head down, but facing the right way. (No reclining in recliners, no slouching.)
I believe that the less interference from doctors/midwives, the better off you'll be--so no inductions, no breaking water, no pitocin to "speed you along."
Birth is one of my favorite topics--maybe because I never thought I'd get to give birth myself. (We adopted twins in our official days of infertility.)
Posted by: Mel | July 29, 2005 12:55 PM
Lemme say AMEN to Laura!
I gave birth for the third time earlier this year. (She's in my lap right now!) My first two births were in hospital, and more trouble than I wanted to deal with. It's just such a pain to have to fight doctors who want to do all kinds of things to make your birth and baby better. (We have an expression in the geek industries for things like that: "It's not a bug. It's a feature!")
For my third we prayed and implored God for a home birth. (I still think giving birth at home, relaxed and alone with your husband, is ideal.) We prepared ourselves and did all the research, including how to deal with problems.
Then the day came. I woke up already in labor, the baby coming -- feet first, blue, and stuck in the birth canal. The paramedics delivered her and rushed us to the hospital. She spent 4 days in NICU. (She's fine, now.)
The paramedics had reached our home in 5 minutes flat. There's no way we could have gotten to the hospital that quickly, and my daughter may have died if we'd tried. Because we were prepared to homebirth, we knew what to do when my labor didn't even last long enough to get a babysitter. God had helped us prepare and put us exactly where we needed to be for our daughter to survive.
The moral is, no matter your plans, trust in God. Pray, believe. It was only knowing that God had us in His hands that kept us sane through the birth and the days in the hospital. Knowing that God loved our daughter as much as we did. Knowing that He hadn't saved her life just to end it.
Pray and find out what God wants you to do for this birth, and He will put you in the best place possible!
Posted by: Michelle Potter | July 29, 2005 7:43 PM
I found that preparation helped, even though my last birth didn't happen as I'd wanted.
Physical preparation: I walked, and walked, and walked. And stretched and exercised and squatted! I also inhaled calcium like a crazy woman (in the form of antacids, because of reflux), the calcium intake was unintentional but I read after the birth that it can do a great deal to lessen labor pain. I also kept a good stock of red raspberry leaf tea, and drank it often.
Mental preparation: I had to remind myself again and again that God made my body to be able to birth, that I'm normal, healthy, and ABLE! And that labor pains are *useful* pains, not like the pain one would get by chopping off a limb or something. In the last few weeks I had to spend a great deal of time mentally arguing with concepts that my midwife's back up OB was trying to foist on me--that my baby was "too big", 42 weeks was "too long", and I should expect a c-section if I didn't let him induce. I actually ended up getting angry at him and I believe my determination to show him up played a big part in getting my baby out efficiently (4 hours, 15 minutes of pushing! and he was nearly 10 lb!)
Spiritual preparation: We prayed, and prayed, and prayed. My hubby would say this was absolutely the most important preparation. :D I think he's right.
Posted by: Margaret | July 30, 2005 12:23 PM
I second everything already said! Remind yourself that a healthy baby is more important than things going the way you planned. Learn how to deeply relax. Have a midwife if at all possible. Doctors just seem to create a different atmosphere that's less relaxing.
My birth assistant last time used a microwaveable heating pad right at the base of my spine and it was just wonderful. Better than making my husband rub my back so hard that he was sore the next day.In the UK they use a tens machine, which always sounded interesting to me, but I never tried one.
Posted by: Dani | July 30, 2005 4:25 PM
What helped during my four delievries? I love epidurals. My husband and I had an agreement; who ever called for the epidural first, that was went I got it. It is hard to know when you are in the middle of labor when you are at your limits and he liked having a strong say in helping me. We picked out music that was happy or beautiful or lovely to listen to while I labored. I still hear certain favorite songs and know that was on when one of my children was born. I also had my mom in the room as well. My mom is one of those ALWAYS calm people and just having her in the same room was soothing. My sister-in-law whose mother is very high maintainence invited a close friend to be there to help support her and her husband. Having a mom or friend gives your husband a chance to get something to eat or use the bathroom without feeling he is leaving you all alone. Both my mom and husband made an effort to be nice to the nurses and find out how best to get their attention when/if necessary. Lastly...all my children were born in a small local hospital with close ties (patients could be easily transferred to high level NICU if necessary) to bigger hospitals. My second pregnancy was close to perfect but about 2 minutes before James was born the cord prelapsed. We didn't have to wait for an ambulance and everything was there to help him and me. He is now a bright healthy soon to be six year old. My mom later told me that my dad and his first wife lost a little boy to a cord prelapse about forty years before and it was part of the reason their marriage did not make it. Neither could deal with it and both wanted to blame the other. Family ghosts we never knew about. Thanks to God we had a healthy baby instead.
JaneD
PS We also had a group of mom's and grandmoms that regularly pray for any expectant mom and their babys. Ask for prayers for the last few months of pregnancy and for the first few months of a new baby's life. People love to pray for you and your child and it is lovely to know you have that support from God and your church.
Posted by: JaneD | July 30, 2005 4:34 PM
Lots of great tips! All things that I probably wouldn't have listened to until two babies ago! The biggest lesson I think I have *finally* learned, with six births and a late (18 weeks) miscarriage of twins under my 'belt', is that it is best to want whatever God wants. I take my desires to my Father and ask Him to change them if they are out of line with His will... for me and for our family. That He would even change the desires of my heart and prepare us for what He has for us.. We ask that He would be glorified through the pregnancy the labor and delivery and all the post 'stuff'.
My attitude and expectations about my labor and delivery are more important about how I look back on it than how the labor and delivery actually go.
Now, if only I could do this faithfully with the little day to day things!
Posted by: StephanieS | July 30, 2005 9:23 PM
My first birth was in 2001 and was how you describe your first birth in 69. It was traumatic to say the least. The memory is still kinda painful. I felt extremaly degrated. It was in a military hospital in louisiana. I woudl sooner have a child unassisted then ever step foot in that hospital again 9mo pregnant.
I think the best way to prepare is to know your stuff. Read all the books you can, have a birth plan, and a doula or couch to help you fight for what you want. The important thing is what kind of experiance your baby has.
My third birth was a home delivery and was AWESOME. I highly recommend them.
Posted by: Paige | August 1, 2005 2:41 AM
Thank you for all of your good advice. My first child birth experience didn't go as I had planned. I felt like I had let God down (I panicked at the end) and I felt like God had let me down (by not giving me enough grace to stay calm). Through your comments I have learned that I can have my plan, but I need to let it turn out the way God has ordained (I can't control it).
Posted by: Angela | August 1, 2005 8:48 AM
Thanks to all who shared their experience and wisdom with Angela. This was certainly one instance where many heads are better than one!
Posted by: barbaracurtis | August 3, 2005 9:11 PM
