July 30, 2005 4:16 PM
Question for mothers/mommies
!!!!Here is the first print media review I've seen of the Mommy Manual!!!!! It's short, so if you have time, please read it so I can ask you all a question:
Reviewer's choice:
Friday, July 29, 2005
By SARA CAMPBELL / The Dallas Morning News
The Mommy Manual
Planting Roots That Give Your Children Wings
Barbara Curtis
(Revell Publishing, $12.99, 249 pages)
Who better to dispense parenting advice than a mother of 12? Especially one who has four boys with Down syndrome and has been trained in the Montessori method of education.Ms. Curtis displays a been-there-done-that confidence in dispensing a wealth of good advice on how to bring up children to be the respectful, self-motivated, disciplined team players that their parents, and God, want them to be.
She embraces the notion that the preschool years are crucial for shaping the attitudes a child will take with him into adulthood. Too many parents, she believes, don't give enough thought to how they want to bring up their children. A plan is vital, and sticking with the plan essential, especially when it's at odds with modern culture.
At the core of Ms. Curtis' message is her wish that parents could recognize their children's potential and the special gifts God has bestowed on each one. Only by spending time in careful observation can parents help children reach that potential, she says.
Also crucial, she says, is creating a loving, fun environment at home, full of traditions that will root children in family when they marry and leave the nest.
The book is so wise and practical that the reader can even forgive Ms. Curtis for the annoying reference to mothers as "mommies" throughout. It would be a valuable tool for parents new or old.
Again, !!!!!!!!!!!!
It's really exciting to see this review, but it leaves me wondering: is the word "mommies" really annoying? As a writer, I need to know because I don't want to needlessly turn off any readers.
I know in using it I was thinking of the most intimate name children use. It's very endearing when a grownup son calls you mommy for instance. It reminds me of calling our Heavenly Father "Abba," which according to Vines Dictionary is "a word framed by the lips of infants and betokens unreasoning trust." I guess I was thinking of Mommy as being the female equivalent.
But I can't explain that to everyone every time I use it in a book or article. So I need to know how it really comes across.
And I can't think of any better place to ask than here.
TrackBack
TrackBack URL for this entry:
http://mommylife.net/cgi-bin/mt/mt-tb.cgi/273
Listed below are links to weblogs that reference Question for mothers/mommies:
Comments
I like it. Reminds me of the first time my own children called me mommy.
Posted by: Michelle Potter | July 30, 2005 5:59 PM
I have never found it to be annoying. That's what we are, right? I would rather be called a mommy than anything else. Well, maybe "Super Gorgeous, Oh So Hot, Let Me Rub Your Feet Because You Are So Completely Wonderful Wife of Mine" would be a close second, but...you know how that goes. ;)
Posted by: Rachel | July 30, 2005 7:46 PM
Barbara,
I love the book, "mommies" and all. I never once considered that annoying.
I loved it for the fresh ideas (walking with a bell) and for confirming that I have done some things right all along. (My young children have always peeled my veggies for me.)
I enjoyed reading it immensely. Thank you!!
Connie
Posted by: Connie | July 30, 2005 7:47 PM
I'm sorry to say, although I love it when my children use it, I might find that too much of that word, from others, could possibly, almost imperceptively, inch toward the edge of annoying. But not quite.
(I had a pastor who referred to us mommy/wives as "the little woman." That did raise my hackles.)
Posted by: Veronique | July 30, 2005 8:13 PM
Until you asked the question, I didn't even notice the 'mommies'.. so I guess it isn't annoying.. although I see with Veronique that it *could* be.
What *really* makes my hackles go up is when someone refers to an obviously married woman as "Ms."!!!
Posted by: StephanieS | July 30, 2005 9:06 PM
"Mommies" is fine, after all that's what I am. I know it's not PC to say so, but my life is defined by motherhood and wifehood right now as those are the jobs the Lord has given me.
(Daughter #2, the bestower of nick-names has given me the name of "Mute" or "Muty"--no it isn't because I don't speak, in fact it has no reference to real mutes whatsoever. The name just popped into her head and now I'm Mute. Just had to mention that, because I'm rarely actually called Mommy by anyone anymore :).
Posted by: Maggie | July 30, 2005 10:27 PM
I think the term "mommies" is very endearing. Doesn't bother me at all!
Posted by: Leigh | July 30, 2005 11:45 PM
I hate to say it because I love you and your writing so much, but I don't really like the term "mommy" used in writing, either. It's too cutesy for my tastes, but I see that I'm in the minority here.
Posted by: Mel | July 30, 2005 11:48 PM
Well, as you know, I'm not your target audience so you should probably just throw this comment out with the bath water, but being called a mommy by other people usually bugs me. Mom is okay. Something about mommy makes me feel like I'm being infantalized. Maybe in part it's because my son is still preverbal, so I don't have that sweet connection to the word that Michelle wrote of. Probably it's just me.
As far as the "Mommy" in your book title goes, I think the subtitle after the colon does a lot to reassure any readers who might be uncomfortable with "mommy" that you're going to treat your topic, and therefore by implication your readers, seriously.
Posted by: swissmiss | July 31, 2005 4:42 AM
I'm with StephanieS. I thought that "Ms." was glaring. Maybe it's also an indication of an anti-marriage/anti-motherhood attitude, which would explain why the frequent use of "mommy" would be irritating. It seems quite appropriate in the context of parenting preschoolers.
Posted by: Dani | July 31, 2005 8:22 AM
I'm okay with it. It doesn't bother me at all. I think it lends more to getting to know you and your personality. You are writing about very important things and yet at the same time relating from a very human perspective.
Posted by: spunky | July 31, 2005 10:07 AM
I think that mother's with young children are used to being called mommy, but perhaps women who have older children (who might otherwise benifit from your book) would mistakenly believe that it is for new parents only. My oldest children have dropped the term mommy when referring to me. So I think by the time they are all teenagers it might strike me odd to be referred to as a mommy or to read a "mommy manual" But from what the reviewer is saying, you have some great ideas and information about helping children develop their strengths that even moms who have been around for awhile could benefit. I think that Barbara, because you have children of all ages you have a unique ability to reach moms at all stages of motherhood.
Posted by: Wendy | July 31, 2005 10:22 AM
After hearing the wail of: Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa all day( during summer vacation), Mommie, is a refreshingly nice change, esp. when my 27 yr old does it, ( it usually signifies, I need a favor)..LOL..
Posted by: kc | July 31, 2005 10:34 AM
There is a sweet,familiar tenderness that comes with the title of Mommy. Something I think, that reminds us of the innocence and vulnerbility of the chld who addresses us as such. I was a workaholic in a corporate world years ago- I own my own business and try to live a balanced life. But first and foremost I am Gods child and then I am Mommy.I don't find it annoying at all. It is a priveledge and a good reminder that we are needed. Besides, the alliteration and title of the book is VERY catchy- so dont give it a second thought. My question is- what category are your books shelved at within the retail market. I dont believe I have seen them in the parenting section.
BTW, I come to your blog daily and love the fresh, spiritual perspective of your mothering mind!
Suzanne
Posted by: suzanne | July 31, 2005 7:27 PM
I'm with Mel here, but only because a former MOPS leader used to call us that--and something about it...can't put my finger on.
Maybe it's kind of like saying, "Excuse me, I have to go potty," when you're in the company of adults?
Just call me Mom. :) Or just call me whatever, cause I can handle you Barbara. :)
Posted by: Amy | July 31, 2005 9:15 PM
I love hearing the name "mommy". When people asked what I wanted to be when I grew up I did not say a mom, a mother... I said a mommy! Im a fosterparent to 6 beautiful children the oldest one is 8. Only one of these children does not call me mommy. Its ok he has a mom and he loves her very much and I have no problem with that. I dont have any children of my "own" yet so I guess hearing any of my children choosing to call me mommy means a lot to me!
I can see where some would have a problem with it but as for me.. call me mommy all day long its music to my ears!
By the way I have been asking about this book at the library and they are supposed to be looking for it for me. I really want to read it! I cant wait! :)
Posted by: Julie | August 1, 2005 10:49 AM
I would not mind it in a book or even in a conversation with someone when we were talking aobut children or something of that sort but when I am out with my kids and someone calls me mom I just do not like it. I don't even like it when my husband calls me that but I think it is becuase I hear my neighbor call her husband dad and I think it sounds so odd.
Janet
Posted by: janet | August 1, 2005 3:41 PM
I think it kind of stereotypes the writer and the people the book is meant for as people whose lives are defined by motherhood at this point in time, people who are really involved in a child's world and see things from that perspective. It might not appeal to women who see themselves as having an inner life and interests that don't always involve their children.
It is a bit cutesy for me, personally, and just reading the title, I would not have picked up the book. But reading your blog and seeing your thoughtful treatment of many topics, I would be able to get past the use of a cutesy word and see the substance of the book.
I don't know why, but a book using the word mommies in the title really brings up Christian ideals and a small-town lifestyle. So the question is, do you think the book has something valuable for non-Christians or people who like a big-city lifestyle and atmosphere? If so, you may like to change your language to attract a wider audience.
Hope I am not being insulting, as a non-Christian, big-city gal I feel like I am coming from a different place from you and many readers of your blog, but I get a lot out of reading about the differences and similarities in our lives.
Posted by: Gen | August 1, 2005 4:50 PM
I would vote against mommies myself, but I come from a region where "mama" is used almost exclusively. Mommy seems too cutsy and babyish to me. Without picking it up, I would associate a "Mommy Manual" with a book for those with children age 3 and under.
Posted by: Kelly | August 2, 2005 10:26 AM
Man, this response was awesome! Okay, I know I sould like a teenager, but I was really excited that you all handled this question seriously and wrote such thoughtful comments.
Those who mentioned that mommy was probably more appealing to mothers of younger children are probably right, as it was older (well, somewhat) moms in most cases who didn't like it, and Wendy is probably right - that it limits the audience for any books.
I wrote The Mommy Manual for mothers of preschoolers, though there's certainly a lot of information that would be helpful to mothers of older kids as well. My book on highschoolers just came out and I didn't use the term "mommy" once in it (I think).
I'm really glad this was brought to my attention so I can be more intentional in my use of the words.
I especially appreciate it that those of you who have become my friends still felt comfortable expressing the negatives. You never have to worry about that with me - I don't take criticism personally.
And I feel blessed to have a focus group to try ideas out on.
Posted by: barbaracurtis | August 3, 2005 9:23 PM
