July 5, 2005 2:21 PM
Reflections of a former feminist on submission
Last week Adrian Warnock issued this challenge. As a former radical feminist who's been dismayed to find issues that were critical to the Women's Movement 30 years ago now stirring up a fuss in the church, I was intrigued. And so to the strains of the Byrds singing Dylan, "Ah, but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now," I began by looking back:
Isaiah 66:2 2All these things my hand has made, and so all these things came to be, declares the Lord. But this is the one to whom I will look: he who is humble and contrite in spirit and trembles at my word.As a Christian-come-lately, I spent my life before Christ having it my way. During the 70’s Second Wave of feminism, I studied the gospels according to deBeauvoir, Freidan, Millett, and Firestone; together they formed a New Testament to the Old Testament of the First Wave feminists who’d won us the vote, but it seemed not much else.
Humility and contriteness of spirit stood diametrically opposed to the Women’s Movement logo – the fist inside the woman symbol. Helen Reddy’s anthem captured the take-no-prisoners approach of the 70’s feminists:
I am woman, hear me roar
In numbers too big to ignore
And I know too much to go back an' pretend
'cause I've heard it all before
And I've been down there on the floor
No one's ever gonna keep me down again
As a philosophy major then, I created my own one-woman women studies department, wrapping any course I happened to be taking – existentialism, Hegelian logic, Dewey and the Amercian experience – around my core passion: to see women delivered from the condition the Rolling Stones described as “Under My Thumb” into absolute freedom and a level playing field with men.
As for God, well he was simply a construct of men, and the epitome of the Oppressor. On his behalf the Church had persecuted and destroyed the keepers of the older, feminine divine wisdom.
I would not look to him and certainly not tremble at his word, which was not only hopelessly out-of-touch and out-of-date, but brandished down the centuries as a weapon against women.
Philippians 2:3-10 3 Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. 5 Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, 6 who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7 but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. 8 And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. 9 Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, 10 so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth,Now, knowing Jesus, I can’t help but contrast the struggling, the demanding, the roaring, the grasping of the Sisterhood – the would-be saviors of women – with the true Savior’s unfathomable humility and selflessness. How much more worthwhile for me finally to stop demanding and roaring and grasping and place my ego on the cross, to become a servant, to model my life after his.
Unfortunately, the glory of the humble and selfless way of life is hidden from nonbelievers. And it can be elusive for believers as well, unless we make a conscious effort to put the ways of the world behind us.
Romans 12:2 2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.Perhaps it’s easier for someone who didn’t grow up knowing God – who for so long was conformed to the world – to turn away from the world and embrace his will.
I do know that I have no trouble envisioning that day when “at the name of Jesus every knee shall bow,” since when the time came for this proud and arrogant young woman, my own knee bowed (!) and has continued to bow ever since.
Matthew 23:11-12 11 The greatest among you shall be your servant. 12 Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.But until my knee bowed, I was blind. It was only with that first step of humility – there is a Savior and oh, how I need him! – that I could see. And what I saw – with God’s sudden illumination – was that everything I held dear was almost certainly wrong. I was truly a new creation, a spiritual babe, so different than the sophisticated feminist/New-Age spiritual goddess I had deemed myself to be.
There are some things I know are true because they are in God’s word. There are some things I know are true because they are in God’s word and they were ideas I despised until the moment my faith revealed them as truth.
The greatest/least paradox is that kind of truth. I know that when I live by it, like Eric Liddel, “I feel his pleasure” in all I do. And since so much of what I do as a mother is humble work that no one will notice, I’m encouraged and grateful to know I have an opportunity to grow spiritually each day through what I do.
1 Corinthians 11:3 3 But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.That an abandoned and abused little girl would grow up to be a radical feminist, despising and mistrusting men and refusing to surrender control to a husband, a boss, or even a God – well, that’s no surprise! What’s a surprise is that that same woman, upon accepting Christ as Savior, was ready to surrender – no, surrender doesn’t even do justice to the feeling that I could finally let go. I believed my Father in Heaven understood, loved, and would never harm me.
And if God’s plan called for my husband to be head of our family, why I could trust him in that too. This was part of my conversion experience, too radical to be anything but real.
Colossians 3:18-24 Rules for Christian Households 18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. 20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. 22 Slaves, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. 23 Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, 24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.With my countercultural background, words like “submit” and “obey” had not been the stuff my dreams – or reality – were made of. My marriage as a strong-willed radical feminist to an equally strong-willed man had been four years of great accomplishment as we worked together to build a family, home, and business; but it had been one of constant turmoil. Though our New Age spiritual practices put us in harmony with the universe, it did not put us in harmony with each other. He wanted things his way. I wanted things my way.
But God wanted things his way and so when we became Christians – fortunately at the same moment – the greater part of this discord was laid to rest as we placed ourselves in submission to God.
For me it was quite simple. In agreeing to make Jesus Lord of my life, I was committing to obeying his word. I wanted a Christian marriage. My husband’s challenge was different as he had to learn to take the reins and hold them, becoming fully responsible for the decisions and direction of our family.
Working heartily had never been a problem for us, but now our work would be freed from constant disagreement and together in his service.
1 Timothy 2:11-14 11 Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness. 12 I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet. 13 For Adam was formed first, then Eve; 14 and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor.I have come to see women differently than I used to. We are not at our best when we are loud and bossy. As a Christian I have been disappointed and disturbed by women who are dominating and desperate to control everything from Sunday School discussion to the flow of prayer. In one church we attended the Leader of Women’s Ministries felt compelled on a regular basis to grab the microphone right before the final blessing to share whatever epiphany she had had during the pastor’s sermon. I wondered how she could be so unaware that while we all had responses to the sermon, the pastor was the one designated to hear in advance from the Holy Spirit what we needed to hear. How could she not trust the Holy Spirit to work in our individual hearts without her help?
It’s lapses in judgment like hers that help me understand how Eve could have made such a grave error. And, yes, I believe we share her weakness and her shame.
Titus 2:3-4 3 Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, 4 and so train the young women to love their husbands and children,
Presumably, women who have been quiet have been busy listening (because effective listening is an active endeavor). Presumably, women who’ve been teachable for a long period of time are now ready to teach.
What are they to teach on? Titus 2:5 continues: to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.
That the church today is filled with tension because many women somehow see this list as inferior does not make it any less true that a woman who has learned to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to her own husband – and to feel fulfilled in these endeavors – could easily spend a lifetime teaching these things to others – and continuing to learn them herself.
God rescued me from a life of deep dissatisfaction and gave my husband and me a plan to live by. It works, plain and simple, whereas the world’s plan we lived by before did not. But in order to make it work, God took away my fear and replaced it with trust. For that I am grateful and don’t mind spending the rest of my life explaining why.
2 Timothy 1:5 5 I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you as well.My husband and I had no role models for a godly marriage. All we had was the Bible and whatever couples we came across whose marriages were built on God’s word.
Because we had a lot of children, we had a powerful motivation to become those role models ourselves. What a great reward it would be to have my children and remember me for my sincere faith.
Acts 18:26 26 He began to speak boldly in the synagogue, but when Priscilla and Aquila heard him, they took him and explained to him the way of God more accurately.
Do women have something to offer about the ways of the Lord? Yes, certainly, but context – where and how and with whom they speak – is everything.
Genesis 1:27 27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.We are different and complimentary, men and women. In most cases, we need each other to live a life which most accurately reflects God’s image.
Genesis 2:18 18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him."And did God make the helper only to cook his food and wash man's clothes? By no means. He made a helper whose way of apprehending the world was different, who could fill in the gaps that might sometimes appear, who could serve as an early-warning system, who could catch his attention when he was feeling especially impetuous and – in her best Esther-like manner – draw his attention to certain information he might need.
Man’s challenge is to accept the help women can offer. Women’s challenge is to offer that help in a way that does detract from the model of submission God has given us, and to give her husband the final word.
Genesis 2:20-21 20 The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. 21 So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh.It’s really as though woman is truly a missing piece man needs to be complete – though he may not be completely conscious of that fact prior to receiving her.
Genesis 2:23 23 Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man."But he is sure to notice how complete he feels once he has received her! And there is just no getting around the fact that from Creation, woman’s identity is taken from the man.
Genesis 3:1 The Fall 3:1 Now the serpent was more crafty than any other beast of the field that the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God actually say, ‘You shall not eat of any tree in the garden’?”Is this the same serpent who asks women today, “Did God actually say you should not be pastors? Did God actually say you should not be leaders over men?”
Genesis 3:9 9 But the Lord God called to the man and said to him, “Where are you?”Adam was hiding, but God would surely know where he was without asking, “Where are you?” Was God asking Adam to account for where he was spiritually?
Genesis 3:16 16 To the woman he said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.”Ouch! Childbirth hurts! To think it might have been otherwise. . .
But childbirth is limited to a few focused times (or maybe more if you’re really into children).
The ongoing pain of being a woman is more insidious and every day. That’s the pain so many women feel because of the belief we secretly harbor that life would be better were we in control. The desire to dominate is a destructive force in women that crowds out the peace that passes understanding.
Genesis 3:17 17 And to Adam he said, “Because you have listened to the voice of your wife and have eaten of the tree of which I commanded you, ‘You shall not eat of it,’ cursed is the ground because of you; in pain you shall eat of it all the days of your life;“Because you have listened to the voice of your wife.” What a powerful indictment!
As I read it now it makes me understand where I go from here: that as a woman, my voice can set in motion a chain of events that can lead to blessings or a curse. Yes, my voice and influence are that important. Which all the more reminds me to speak from humility and a contrite spirit – trembling at his word.
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Comments
Oh, how I want to be a woman that loves the Lord passionately, and out of that is content to be the best wife and mother that I can be. It is so hard at times, but I have begun to understand how wonderful it can be to do things God's way and not my own. Thank you for your thoughts.
Posted by: Heidi | July 5, 2005 9:58 PM
I tried trackback but no trackback url was listed. Anyhow, I enjoyed your post and found it fitting as I celebrate my own anniversary today. And so I referenced your post over at my site :-)
Posted by: Andrea | July 6, 2005 10:45 AM
Great post Barbara. The world in general and relationships specifically make so much more sense are so much more meaningful and rewarding when viewed through the Scripture. All those people searching for meaning in un-Godly relationships would do well to read this post.
Posted by: Garrett | July 6, 2005 1:42 PM
Just as the hardest won battles are often the most glorious, so the hardest lessons to learn are those that most strongly impact our lives.
Thank you for sharing, Barbara. I appreciate your thoughts, and your insight into the workings of our God.
Posted by: Willena | July 6, 2005 3:05 PM
Superb!
Posted by: prairieprincess | August 3, 2005 3:08 PM
