August 28, 2005 10:17 PM
The more things change
You know those marriage tests where you score a certain amount of points if you move, have a baby, lose a parent, become unemployed, and so on? Theoretically, if you accumulate above a certain number of points, you're probably on the brink of divorce. Or suicide.
Tripp and I have been living on the edge for our entire 22 1/2 years of marriage. Think about it: he married a woman 7 years older with two daughters, then quit his job and started his own company. We gave birth to seven children, including one with handicaps. We've adopted three more with handicaps. We survived a 2-year involvement with a cultlike church. We went into debt to franchise our company and failed. Three of our parents have died. We've moved eight times, including once cross-country. We sold our business in California after 18 years, started another in Virginia which didn't take off, and Tripp is now selling trucks. We've married off two kids with all the resulting in-law complications. We've had nine grandchildren.
I actually started to write "It has been quite a summer," but then realized it's been quite a life. But there have been some big changes the last couple months - big enough that my processing of them has taken so much I haven't even wanted to write about them.
Ben was home from college for the summer and the house seemed full all the time - with the big boys and their friends. Zach graduated this year and so there were many of Ben and Zach's friends coming and going who would be leaving for college in August. It's the absence of everyone - my own kids and their friends - that has suddenly made our house seem empty.
Which is weird because it's far from empty. After all, we still have Sophia, Maddy, Jonny, Jesse, Daniel, and Justin.
It's just a matter of perspective, I suppose.
Sophia, Jonny and Maddy were in a couple plays this summer - The Fantasticks just wrapped up Friday. And tonight is the night before back to school. Sophia follows in the footsteps of Ben and Zach, entering 10th grade at Loudoun Valley High, Jonny's in 7th at Blue Ridge Middle School, and Jesse, Daniel and Justin return to Mountain View.
The biggest change is that Maddy is homeschooling this year. I'm happy and excited about tomorrow - I haven't homeschooled for three years, and never homeschooled just one child. I'm thinking this will be a lot of fun.
Anyway, there have been many tears the last few weeks as these changes have taken place. I know it seems weird to think that a house with six kids in it - plus Josh, who just turned 22 - seems somewhat empty. But only another mother with a lot of kids could understand.
Wow. I am so glad to have so many children.
So I was feeling a litte low Saturday when Maddy invited her big sister Samantha's children over. Four nephews and a niece. I immediately felt my spirits lift! Why didn't I think of that? Pizza and coke and ice cream and El Cid. Staying up late with a Grandma and Grandpa who are too worn out from raising kids to be practical like their mom and dad.
Eggs and sausage and bagels in the morning, then home church because now that we're down to a Suburban we don't have seatbelts for 13. And homechurch was great because Uncle Josh led worship with his guitar and Uncle Jonny grabbed a Fisher Price drum and played oh-so-subtle percussion.
Then Samantha and Kip were here, feeling so refreshed from their time sans kids that Samantha grabbed a vacuum and Kip fixed all our computer problems. And we swam and ate tacos and I felt better than I'd felt since Zach and Ben said goodbye.
Hey, I'm thinking we need to do this once a month! It's just so good for all concerned: Kip and Sam get a break, Tripp and I feel fulfilled, the kids all have a wonderful break and watch some great old movies!
Life is wonderful, after all.
Comments
That warms my heart. I love the picture!
Posted by: Mel | August 29, 2005 2:05 AM
I am envious. I wish I could leave my four children with their grandparents overnight. Unfortuneately both grandpa and grandma are too old to handle much less enjoy having the kids for a long time. What wonderful memories you are making for all concerned.
There are several movies my kids especially my boys enjoy that might be worth looking at. "Singing in the Rain", the all time classic musical. "Operation Petticoat", a funny war movie about a pink submarine staring both Cary Grant and Tony Curtis. "Support Your Local Sheriff", a humorous western staring James Gardner. "Miyazaki's Spirited Away", a Japaneese animation that may be too scary for younger kids but is beautiful to watch. And finally our family's favorite movie, "The Great Race". This is worth watching just for the pie fight. It has cars, planes, dueling, castles, iceburgs and gadgets. It is pure slapstick. It stars Tony Curtis, Jack Lennon, Natalie Woods and lots more. It is long though.
If we lived closer I would invite myself and my family over and bring the movie and popcorn. This is a great way to beat the blues.
Jane D
Posted by: JaneD | August 29, 2005 3:23 AM
Barbara,
I love reading your stories. One can see that you write from the heart. You are blessed with a beautiful family and a wonderful life. Learning more about you and your family has made me look harder into my life and reevaluate what is and isn't important to me.
Thank you,
Brian
Posted by: BStrong | August 29, 2005 12:17 PM
(((hugs))) I have four children (so far), and my oldest child is nine and my youngest is 10 months old. I can't imagine them being grown up and gone... or I don't want to imagine it. It will be a bittersweet time. They grow so fast!
I'm glad you had such a good time. Sounds like a great monthly tradition for your family to start. :)
Posted by: flowermama | August 29, 2005 4:27 PM
Barbara, I understand what you mean about a house feeling empty. We still have nine of twelve of our kids still at home and when even one is gone, it feels like five or six are missing. My nest is not empty but that doesn't mean I don't mourn the loss of the older children who have grown and moved on.
It often feels like instead of one family, I have raised several with the three oldest comprising the first family, the next three my next set, and so on. It is nice to be given a chance to make improvements in my parenting with each set.
Posted by: Cheryl | August 29, 2005 5:11 PM
Oh, I love this story! I am a mother of 6...oldest is 16 and youngest 15 mos. For a year or so now...as we approached the milestone of the "FIRST DRIVER"S LICENSE" I have been having a bittersweet mix of emotions: "anticipating" and "grieving" my oldest so quickly approaching adulthood. Only two years...and he will be an "adult" and maybe out from under our wings....and while I grieve the launching of my precious firstborn "baby" into adulthood and all I fear we've neglected to train him, I also have begun calculating with anticipation the few short years to potential grandparenthood!!! :-) I find solace in the thought that I hopefully will never have an "empty nest"!!! In ten short years I could easily be a grandmamma and my youngest(thus far) will only be 10 years old! That is why I so enjoyed and appreciated this story of parenting and grandparenting and am so anticipating those days! :-) Thank you!
Posted by: Tara | August 30, 2005 3:25 PM
