September 13, 2005 7:43 PM
Parenting Q&A #2 Finding time for housework
A reader writes:
How do you or did you when they were all little find time to properly care for and supervise your children and get your housework done? I really struggle with this one. It is either one or the other. If I have all my children with me I get nothing done. If I send them outside they are unsupervised and before I know it they are yelling and fighting amongst themselves in no time! My babies are always clingy (exept for one) my hands are tied. Could you please be honest and tell me how it is that you managed when your children were all little.
My reply:
Okay, I promised No Frills Q & A, but some things are really complex! I've written books about this. But in the in the interest of simplicity, I'll just share a few ideas:+It is truly amazing how much less important housework becomes with each additional child after the third. I only wish I had relaxed more about housework with my first children. I am 57 now with six children still at home (our last three are adopted, my youngest birth child is 12), and I am definitely s-l-o-w-i-n-g down. To tell you the truth, there are days I don't get around to making our bed (it's upstairs, so easy to avoid :) I figure when I'm on my deathbed and my kids are gathered around, no one is going to tch, tch and say there were days Mom didn't make her bed. My slowing down is forcing a choice and I have to believe that the time I put into my kids is just more worthwhile. While it took me 20 years of motherhood to figure this out, maybe you can grab onto it sooner.
+You need to involve your children in helping around the house before they are 2. Again, I have a whole book on this subject, but what you need to know is that it will not only make your life easier later on, it is essential in unlocking the goodness in them. Use google in my left sidebar to type in chores, housework, or Montessori to read more specifics about how to do this.
+What works best for me is if I fully dedicate some time to my kids, and then expect some time of independent activity. Go outside and run around with them, blow bubbles, fly a kite, be totally involved. Then say, "Now it's time for Mommy to do some work of her own. What will you do while I clean the house?" Help them decide. Set a timer or show them a clock for whatever length of time you need/they can handle. I also recommend having a children's work table where you can sit with them and show them how to do table work - that can become an activity center where they can work indpendently after you've shown them how.
+Honestly, in my experience I have not had a lot of kids yelling and fighting with each other (other than teenage girls sniping). I believe that the more we understand our children and try to meet their basic needs for independence, order, and learning to serve, the less negative behavior we see.
I do hear what you're saying. These beginning years of motherhood are very demanding and very difficult. It takes a lot of faith to think you'll ever make it through. But if you train your children well, by the time they are 6 or 7 they can be major helpers and then you will be beginning to come out of that stage and into the next stage of motherhood, which is still very busy but definitely easier.
Still, every day is a balancing act.
The more tools you have, the better - so do try to carve out a little time each day to improve your motherhood skills. Each new thing you learn will help. Sometimes it will feel like you're taking two steps forward and a step back. That's okay. Someday, looking back, you will wonder how it all went by so fast.
And through it all, just remember how pleased and delighted God must be that you are doing this wonderful work to see to the needs of his children.
Posted in Mothering | Permalink
Comments
Dear mom, First: Listen to Barbara! I would LOVE to go back and enjoy teaching my toddler to work alongside me, they wanted to, but I had to have it "just so". It is so much harder when they are older (but never too late to start. Look at military recruits, what they can learn in 3 months at age 20...)
Here's a practical tip as you learn to work together: Free your home of clutter. It has definitely helped by REDUCING MAINTENANCE REQUIRED in our home. And, when there is less to do, reduced feelings of guilt when we just take off and play! For instance, in the early days of our family, I was burdened by too many sets of dishes because...well, didnt brides register for dishes?; too many recipes clogging the cabinet; coordinating placemats that needed to be, but never were, ironed (now we just use a heavy straw mat that can be hosed off outside); piles of fabric that mocked my intention to make clothes for the kids; too many pairs of shoes... you get the picture : )
Posted by: floorplan | September 14, 2005 10:37 AM
Floorplan -
This is a really great suggestion, too.
Hey, I'm not the only expert here, so everyone feel free to pitch in your ideas.
And adding to my own answer:
Children truly love to help, so even when their "help" is of little use to us, give them a cloth to dust or wipe windows, a toy vacuum to vacuum. Teach them that taking care of the home is teamwork.
Posted by: barbara curtis | September 14, 2005 12:26 PM
Thanks for this response - it's just the question I wanted to ask, but couldn't decide how to phrase!
I'm surprised by the number of moms I meet who leave the tv on all day (so their kids won't bug them too much?)... it is so helpful to get practical answers to this question and not just "yeah, it IS hard to get anything done!).
(And thanks to floorplan for added insight.)
Allie
Posted by: Allie | September 14, 2005 2:55 PM
