September 5, 2005 10:42 AM
Overcoming the past
Choosing Home has a new member, Lydia, whose testimony will surely give you a lift this morning and remind you that with God all things are possible. Read it here:
I also loved Donna's comment: I'm always telling my kids, "if you don't make a right decision, make the decision right with God's help."
No matter what mistakes your parents made with you or you have made with your own children, God can redeem your experience and theirs.
I've been promising to write about how to deal with mistakes that seem larger than you can handle.
Let's just make it real simple:
Get it all out. Weep and wail before God about all the hurts you've suffered, but don't spend too much time there - you've probably been there before ;) Instead, turn your attention to all the hurt you've caused and begin weeping for the victims of your own selfishness and failures. Try to get some time alone for this, but if you can't, for goodness sake, allow yourself to cry all day as you change diapers and make peanut butter sandwiches. If your children are concerned, tell them you are sad about some things and you are waiting for some answers from God and will talk to them when you are ready. Cry as long as it takes - hours, days, whatever.
If you have a very trusted friend or mentor, confess to her and ask for prayer.
Go to every person you've hurt and apologize specifically for what you've done. By now, God may have begun to show you some things about sin: how our sin hurts others more than the sinner, how the cycle of sin continues through generations, especially if it remains hidden, and how no matter how much we have been hurt ourselves the nature of sin is that without God we would also be as capable of hurting others. This may be a first step to forgiveness for the past, which I will write about soon.
If you have hurt your children, sit down with them and tell them heart-to-heart that you are sorry, putting whatever it is into language they can understand. This can be a good time, if your children have not yet accepted Christ to tell them about how important that is (yes, children can make this decision, and if yours do you will see it is real). Tell them that even as a mommy you are learning to grow in your relationship with God and to do things better. This is part of the process. By doing this, you are actually teaching your children how to deal with their own mistakes and how to parent when they grow up.
Now, eliminate negative input into your life and replace it with music, books, movies that lift you up.
If you take two steps forward and then a step back, don't be discouraged - just take the next step.
If you make a mistake, acknowledge it quickly and move on. This is a biggie. I have a theory that people who are defensive have never gone through this deep soul-cleansing process and so do not understand that a mistake is simply an opportunity to learn to do things a better way. They are bound in chains to the old sorrows and hurts and see only how they've been hurt. You must become truly humble and see how you are no better than those who have hurt you in order to cast off those chains, to be free to grow and change.
Finally, as parents, we do have a responsibility to become as healthy as we can so that we can build the next - hopefully, more healthy - generation.
When you see a testimony like Lydia's - how she and her husband and even her parents were changed - you can be reminded that with God, this kind of transformation is possible - and worth giving up all our self-protective, defensive impulses for.
Go forth rejoicing for all we have to be grateful for. If you've been avoiding dealing with the big issues, now is the time. Trust God. He loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life. Just don't get in His way!
Posted in Mothering | Permalink
Comments
Barbara,
This is an excellent short piece on how to deal with past issues of sin and hurt. James 4:8-10 comes to mind. The church I pastor is going to have a "Sacred Assembly" (Joel 1:14) on Sunday 9/11. It will be an evening of drawing near to God in humility, repentance and brokenness. I'm going to recommend this post to folks in the church.
Thanks for sharing your insights on this topic. I pray that many people are set free to be all that God wants them to be.
Many blessings in Christ.
Posted by: Brian | September 5, 2005 12:35 PM
Thank you for the post. I needed the encouragement and practical advice today.
Posted by: Heidi | September 6, 2005 5:12 PM
