October 28, 2005 12:42 PM
Parenting Q&A #5 Childhood Fears
A reader asks:
My 3 year old has recently discovered, and then become afraid of shadows. particularly one made by the door frame of her bedroom. My husband and I have talked to her of what shadows are and how they are made and how we can make our own, but nothing seems to bring lasting comfort for her. we even rearranged her room to change the offending shadows, but she still remains frightened. What can we do to help her?
My reply:
I immediately thought of Robert Louis Stevenson's poem "My Shadow" from A Child's Garden of Verses . Perhaps reinforcing the whimsical side of shadows would temper your daughter's fear. I also checked at Amazon and found What Makes a Shadow?, a book for preschoolers.So that handles strengthening her in knowledge. For more emotional and spiritual fortitude, I'd add a heavy dose of Sleep Sound in Jesus by Michael Card. We play it for our children as they are going to sleep. It's very reassuring and conveys the idea that God is protecting us as we sleep.
And the final word of caution I have is to just be aware that sometimes when we give a lot of attention to our children's fears, we reinforce them. Sometimes we can be too empathetic. The fact is, we all have to grow up and face our fears (except when it comes to me and rollercoasters :).
How about it, readers? Feel free to add your ideas!
Posted in Mothering | Permalink
Comments
Perhaps teach your daughter how to make handshadows? Make it a game...there are books to teach all the different shapes, but you could also make up silly ones together. It might also make her feel like she has some control over the shadows?
Posted by: swissmiss | October 28, 2005 2:35 PM
We have 5 children, all of whom have had various fears (at irrational things--when my oldest child was younger, she was terrified of CHICKENS at night! Go figure!).
We currently have a 2 year old who is afraid of shadows. At his age, he's too young for us to wax on about all the theological and logical reasons he doesn't need to be afraid of shadows. We just keep the door open (and the hall light on) with reassurance that Daddy and Mommy are just down the hall, and we gave him a little FLASHLIGHT.
Badda bing, badda boom. Problem solved.
All for the cost of replacing flashlight batteries every so often... lol!
Barbara, I totally agree with you about not making too big of a deal over a child's fears. Fear is a normal part of living in this fallen world. Not that we leave the child alone to deal with it (as evidenced by our flashlight purchase-lol), but just that we don't overstress about the fact that they are fearful. Their minds are just being awakened to the fact that not everything in this life is "nice," and not every situation goes well.
We can use these initial feelings of fear later on as we teach about who's "side" we are on in the Great Battle. (As the child remembers the dread, they realize what Satan represents, what he is like. And who wants to be on the side of an evil usurper?) Fear, in that sense, can become a great ally in teaching the goodness of God.
Molly, Mom to 5
Posted by: molly | October 28, 2005 6:15 PM
So funny--now. Back eighteen years ago when Eldest Daughter suddenly screamed to be picked up and carried every time she saw her own shadow, I was scared, too. I thought up until that time that "being afraid of your own shadow" was hyperbole, exaggeration for the sake of humor. I never knew any child really would be afraid of her own shadow!
I think what she needed at the time was, as others have said, time and reassurance. What I needed was also reassurance that my child would get past this fear and grow up to be a healthy, courageous adult. (She was my first, and I wasn't really sure.) She did. She's in Paris at age twenty, fearlessly enjoying a year of study abroad, and as far as I know she doesn't pay much attention to her shadow. But it was bad there for a while. We loved on her and carried her some and talked about the shadow and touched it with our hand and showed her how everybody had one. I don't even know what helped, but after about a week she was fine.
Posted by: Sherry | October 28, 2005 8:42 PM
