October 28, 2005 10:13 AM
Welcoming children
Rachel just announced in the comments that she's expecting Number Three! Congratulations to the whole family!
But get ready for the backlash:
"Was it an accident?"
"Haven't you figured out how that happens?"
"Are you going to get fixed after this one?"
"How can you afford it?"
"Two's all I can handle."
(I'm sure readers have some other favorites.)
Here's my story in a nutshell: Divorced mother of two and much younger guy - both nonbelievers - fall in love, resulting in "unplanned" pregnancy (despite birth control). Rather than going the abortion or living-together route, we get married. Joshua Gabriel born, birth control begins again, another "unplanned" pregnancy: Matthew Raphael. Spiritually-seeking parents of four decide we've been called to have a big family and quit using birth control, asking "God" (as we didn't understand him) to provide for the needs of the family. Benjamin Michael is born. In 1987 Tripp and I become Christians (while our concept of providing for our needs was financial, God had his own ideas!) and we go on and on, having and adopting more kids.
To me it's clear those "unplanned" pregnancies were never really unplanned!
And as I survey my children, there's none I wish I hadn't had.
Tripp and I faced a lot of opposition, though. His mother especially was very upset as she viewed our growing family as a burden on her son. Each time he'd break the news to her, she would become more distraught. She once came to the hospital while I was in labor, called Tripp out into the hall and berated him for having more children. Around the sixth, she stopped acknowledging the pregnancies - coming to pick up the grandchildren for a movie or spend-the-night at her house and ignoring the reality of the next one on the way. Once they were born, however, she was a very involved and loving grandmother.
Rachel, you are in the worst part, where you have just stepped beyond the cultural norm - beyond replacement level. If you go on to have a more children - which is strictly between God and you and your hubby - it grows even more confrontational. I've even had people opine that miscarriages were God's way of telling us our family was complete (I later had three more children and adopted three).
But there does come a point where people finally back off. Not sure what causes this, but I noticed it around #7. Shock and awe?
Tripp and I embarked on our journey as megaparents because, I'm convinced, we had a true calling. Five or six years into it we came across a book which was a source of comfort and strength for us: A Full Quiver, by Rick and Jann Hess. I sell copies on amazon, but if after reading the description there you'd like a copy, just email me and I can sell it for $11 including postage (on amazon postage will be additional).
And btw, a final note to anti-Full Quiver types: those of us who say we trust the Lord to plan our family size are not merely "trying to have as many children as possible."
That is a misstatement, aimed at cheapening our obedience - the same obedience shown by missionaries - and calling our character into question. Trusting our family size to God means for some accepting the fact of fewer children or childlessness without resorting to reproductive technology. It means being open to adoption if God calls us to increase our family size that way.
[12/9/2011 note: I was not a Catholic when I wrote this, but you can see that my thinking was 100% pro-life, Amazing,]
It is a simple act of faith, and deserves the support of the body of Christ.
Whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name, welcomes me."
Matthew 18:5
Posted in Babies, Big families, Family, Mothering, Pro-Life Issues | Permalink
Comments
Congratulations to Rachel! Barbara is right about Baby #3. I was shocked by how many people (including family members) were negative when we announced we were expecting our third. We had a boy and a girl and that is "perfect", so why would we want another?
We have five children now and everyone has figured out nagging and rude comments are not a form of birth control.
I wish Rachel a happy and healthy pregnancy and baby!
Posted by: mopsy | October 28, 2005 10:54 AM
Thanks, Barabara, for all the advice and encouragement. I truly, truly appreciate it.
Thanks to you, too, Mopsy, for your kind words.
Posted by: Rachel | October 28, 2005 5:29 PM
Wow,that really makes sense, Mopsy. I have been trying to figure out why people are so up in arms that we have two children, a boy and girl, healthy and happy and we are starting the adoption process. They think that we are nuts. I think that it is what you said. To the world we have the "perfect" family, why would we want another child let alone an adopted one. Thanks for bringing that to light for me :)
Posted by: Amie | October 29, 2005 1:07 PM
Congratulations again Rachel! I am so very excited for you! i whole heartedly agree with Barbara, There are no "unplanned" pregnancies. sure, pregnancies that prehaps we, mere humans, didn't forsee, but an all knowing God and Creator of Life DID see, always knew, and planned from the beginning of time! what takes us by surprise does not take our God by surprise lol!
we had our 2 daughters 13.5 months apart, so we got ALOT of the cheap jokes and rude comments and stares. always first was the "was it planned?" to which I answered, "Yes it was. God plans everything."
now though people come with the, do you wanna try for a boy questions...*rolls eyes*. I'm beyond that, i truly don't care about the sex of the child, I'd just love to have another child just for the child itself!
hope you have a healthy and happy pregnancy!
~Kristy
Posted by: Kristy | October 30, 2005 8:13 AM
ok, I know this one is old, but I was perusing your site to see what you ahve to say. Here is what I have to say about this :)
I am a mother of 3 under 3. (ally will be 3 feb 19, danny 2 feb 11, lana is 8 1/2 mo) I am expecting # 4 in Sept. My hubby and I both trust God with our family size. I truly believe that was His plan for mankind from the beginning.
Anyway, when I was pg with #3, I was actually excited...but I found that others weren't so excited for me. "what were you thinking?" "don't you know what causes that?" "do you watch tv?" ETCETC ETC. Such personal comments! Anyway, when Lana was born, I actually had my mother's friend say to me "so, you are going to wait a while now, aren't you?" in a very serious, pointed tone. UGH! "we'll see what happens !" my mother : "You need to give your body a break!"(i know she means well and cares about me,but doesn't understand our views.) So, I prayed, since we believe that God is in control, that He would give my womb a rest if I needed it. Sure enough, He waited a couple of extra months. Lana was about 6 mo when baby #4 was conceived. (the other 2 aren't even a year apart) I was excited to have another blessing in this house...but I completely dreaded all the comments that people would make (and do make!) My friend didn'thave anything to say-her mouth just hung open catching flies. Most people are congratulatory, but i know what many say behind our backs. Even people within my church have made comments about people like the Duggars (they just had their 16th) "someone needs to talk to that woman!" "What WAS she thinking?" such rude comments! But people are ignorant. they just don't understand. While it makes my cheeks hot from my boiling blood, I have to remember that they just don't understand. But it is so hard when it seems that the whole world is against you! - when even the church won't support you, even if they don' t share your convictions. That is the hardest. I have tried to find fellowship with likeminded women, but they are always too busy to answer questions or even give me the time of day. I find that VERY discouraging too. WEll, God knows what I need.
well, that is all i have to say about that-for now :)
It is very nice to meet you-What a woman!!! I have to say, I love the outer banks-is that where your beach house pics are in flickr? one of the most beautiful places I have ever been. frisco, buxton, capehatteras...beautiful!
h :)
Posted by: Heather | February 10, 2006 9:56 PM
