November 1, 2005 8:15 PM
Halloween RIP - 'til next year
There was a lot of discussion leading up to October 31 on how Christians should deal with a holiday with origins in witchcraft and the occult. While many Christians shun Halloween completely, some feel this only alienates neighbors who don't understand what they see as a neighborly community activity.
I frankly feel every family needs to be willing to be open to following wherever the spirit leads. That's because it can lead to some unexpected places.
A friend of mine who has spent the past few years recovering from a legalistic lifestyle and the toll it took on her relationship with her kids, confided several days ago that her 8 year old daughter really wanted to go trick-or-treating in the rich section of town, where it was reputed that treats like giant Hershey bars ice cream sundaes abounded (I guess conspicuous consumption reigns everywhere for those consumed by it). She and her husband felt led to let their daughter see what it was all about.
This morning I got this email from here (which she has given me permission to share):
"Well, it’s over. We know we CAN trick-or-treat but don’t WANT to again. My daughter described her trek up ‘rich hill’ as fun (going in the ice cream sundae bar house WAS as cool as it sounded as an outsider), but too many scary and gory costumes out on the streets. She was even met at the door by an adult in a Scream mask and could not bear to look up at him/her. Mothers handing out candy dressed as witches. Wicca is really, really big in our town among the wealthy wives, I had forgotten that."As I was tucking her in last night, she said, 'Mommy, I love Jesus with all my heart! (as only an 8yo can say) I miss doing my shoebox [their October 31 tradition has been to prepare for Operation Christmas Child] (sniff sniff) I don’t want to do Halloween again.' My son, who is very black and white, was disturbed that we so quickly moved to 'freedom' from 'law' and it was NOT a good night for him.
"Nevertheless, YAY!!!! I guess YAY especially because now, it is in her heart not to do it, it is not just mommy handing down the law."
You know, I think this makes so much sense. I've known homeschooling families that looked just like the ones on the cover of The Teaching Home: absolutely perfect. In fact, our family probably did at one point too. When kids are young, they're easy to control. And maybe in some families, the kids all grow up without going through any rebellion at all. But often too much control and too much demand for perfection can lead to a rebellious spirit too. The first time you see an 18 year old daughter from a "perfect" homeschool family take up smoking, you're shocked. Something like that will never happen in your family! And you may even tighten the control.
But parenting is so much more delicate and nuanced than that. And having a kid who rebels is not a sign that you failed. I only learned that after crying my eyes out for a month after our still-wandering prodigal left home. Then someone gently reminded me that even the perfect parent - our Heavenly Father - experienced disobedience from the children to whom he gave free will.
Which is why it's so important to not be so rigid in our plans that we can't hear when the Holy Spirit is nudging us to go against the flow. Then we must obey, no matter what our fellow Christians might think. I know when we felt led to put our kids in public school there was no way I could explain to the homeschool community why in the world God would lead us to do this. And yet there were things that happened during those years that gave me absolute assurance we were exactly in the right place at the right time.
I think my friend and her family learned a lot of lessons yesterday. And her daughter's Christianity will be more authentic than it might have been without this experience. But only her parents were in a position to be led to do what was best for her.
And that is why we just can't judge others. Some of us are in periods where we are building strong foundations, while others are in positions where we have a little job to do or a lesson to learn. So my advice about next October 31 is to relax and wait for the still, small voice. Only then can you know for sure what God would have you do.
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Comments
Excellent post! I have found many in the homeschooling circles to be so rigid and so unassuming. Even in nonhomeschooling circles, children are expected to be nonexpressive of their human sin nature. We understand our sin nature as parents, but don't believe our children are capabable of being human. The result is a tense house hold with children who do not understand grace or mercy of our heavenly father. At some point our babes leave the "pure and innocent" to become fellow pilgrims in this journey of life. Some of us never want them to become fellow pilgrims. We lock into the Alabama cop mode and try to bully them into obedience and shame them, hiding any expression of their disobedience for fear others will see us as weak and ineffective parents. Parenting is all about us and our pride rather than a humble dependent walk with God as we guide these young pilgrims.
Thank you for this post. It affirms where God is guiding us.
Posted by: KS Milkmaid | November 2, 2005 7:44 AM
Thanks for your encouraging words. I have felt compelled by the Lord not to celebrate Halloween for a long time. This year was especially difficult for my 9 yo ds as he was invited to a Halloween party by his best friend next door. We decided not to participate and have a camp-out on Friday instead. He is content with that decision. A friend of mine, from Brazil, said that I was the first Christian American that she has met that doesn't celebrate Halloween. She doesn't either. It's nice to know that there are others around who are standing for their convictions, sometimes it's a lonely world!
Posted by: Debbie | November 2, 2005 9:21 AM
Obviously 2 different Debbies here! i am the Debbie Barbara blogged about above. I still hold a couple of lonely convictions in other areas, but I hold them confidently. Not all convictions are legalism--) Things could have gone very differently for our family if my daughter had LOOOOVED the Halloween experience. Because she knows we will never celebrate H. as a family. I guess the really amazing thing is, I am learning to lean on His Word, His voice, our relationship. Not the rules and structures I looked to INSTEAD of Him (and that's the key part), in the "old days". This Halloween thing used to have me tied in knots starting as soon as the Back-to-School supplies hit Wal=Mart! This was the year we took it head-on and today, I am free, thank you Lord Jesus.
Thanks for posting my experience, Barbara.
Posted by: Debbie | November 2, 2005 10:08 AM
I couldn't agree more, Barbara! What a great post.
I am asked all the time if I homeschool. People assume we must because we have five kids and apparently big family = homeschoolers. That is the stereotype.
Honestly, I have never felt led to homeschool. I've prayed about it and even read books on the subject. I have nothing against it and am open to any promptings from the Holy Spirit regarding my childrens' educations.
Confirmation comes when my kids' teachers tell me how they make a positive impact in their classrooms. Believe it or not, there are Christian public school teachers. My son's Kindy teacher told me, last year, how refreshing he was in a class full of already-jaded five-year-olds.
Mothers are rightly concerned and protective of their kids, and I am no exception. If the Lord is calling you to do something, *if you are in His will*, He will provide more than sufficient protection---you will be armed, and so will your kids. I feel no pangs of "should I?" when I drop them off at school. That could change, and if it does I must change.
Posted by: mopsy | November 2, 2005 11:56 AM
This was an excellent, and well thought out entry. Thank you for sharing.
Posted by: Jarred | November 2, 2005 11:59 AM
You know, I am of the mindset that halloween *could* be used as a great opportunity to reach out to neighbors or the community. There was one year that we decorated a pumpkin with a cross, and handed our clubhouse( focus on the family) magazines with our candy. I would really like to do that again, especially since we are in a neighborhood with lots of trick or treaters.
I was praying about taking my older children down to the mall this year to hand out candy and tracts. Then my 7 year old came to me one night and said: " I can't sleep, I've got skeletons in my head and bad guys". It seems that he is very affected by scary things... guess I won't be going down to the mall this year. Honestly, it makes me a little sad... It's a little hard to " hide out" on halloween night in this neighborhood, but I've got a houseful of very little kids who would be affected by the costumes.. Maybe another year we'll go down to the mall or hand out candy and tracts.
Posted by: Lisa | October 22, 2010 4:33 PM
Lisa, I agree with you about thinking outside the box each year to be open to how the Holy Spirit wants to direct you. We live in a rural area right now, where doors are 1/4 mile or 1/2 mile apart. No one comes to our door now. But I remember years past where we turned off all the lights and went down to the basement to watch a movie.
The sad thing is how Halloween is growing. I heard something on the radio yesterday about the billions of dollars spent on Halloween. It's now the second largest holiday. Kinda sad.
Posted by: Barbara | October 22, 2010 4:43 PM
