November 26, 2005 9:57 AM
Parenting Q&A #9 Potty Training
A reader wrote:
I think my 17 month old daughter is showing signs of being ready to potty-train. She started volunteering to take her own disposable diaper to the garbage, and she'll go and sit on the potty chair while I take care of the cloth diapers. If we spend time talking about it, she seems to pick up on the wet/dry distinction. Personality wise, she's very compliant, eager to please, and fond of imitating everything we do.
I'd like to hear your thoughts on how and when to potty train. Also, I'd really rather put this all off until January. Not only is the time of year busy, I'm still up all night with a two month old, and we're trying to remodel the bathroom. Do you think I'll miss a critical time if I wait a couple of months?
My reply (and then I know she'd love to hear from you!):
I wish I'd had time to publish this the day you wrote it, because my answer is Start Now! I do think you might miss a critical time if you wait a couple months. The Montessori idea of creating joyful learning situations is based on sensitive periods - windows of opportunity when the child is most ready to learn certain skills. As educators/parents, our job is to observe our child closely for the signals (which you have done!) and then make sure the environment is right for helping her succeed.My experience has been that girls are easier to train and are ready at a younger age (in the early years girls are about 6 months ahead of boys in most developmental areas - but don't get any ideas that makes us superior :)
I've also noticed that potty training at 2 is very difficult. If you can catch that window of opportunity before then, great. Otherwise, the child is working through so many developmental issues that it's best to wait until after 3.
All the obstacles you mentioned are very real, but not enough to put your daughter's expressed needs on hold. Who knows what will happen after the holidays - things could be worse or the same - but the moment will have passed.
After going through numerous potty seats, I must say I like the Bjorn best, for all the reasons I mentioned in my Baby Stuff Picks. Also, I don't think pull-ups are compatible with toilet training as they deprive the child of the sensory feedback he needs when he has an accident. I believe in cold turkey toilet training. That is: we switch to potty and training pants from this day forward (unless you get major feedback that you've misjudged, in which case you stop everything and revert to diapers until your child is ready). Then try to stay home, but if you go out go potty first and while gone - and be prepared for accidents. I have on occasion used rubber pants over training pants to avoid puddles in the grocery store - but again, that sensory feedback is vital, so switching back and forth from pull-ups to training pants just makes the process longer.
I know moms who’ve used Toilet Training in Less than a Day with great success. I never had a whole day to devote to the process, so just sit for 15 minutes or so reading to the Potty Trainer, waiting for something to happen and heaping praise when it does. The whole process seems kind of a mystery to me – the way a play comes together when the rehearsals have been going not so well.
Such a big step in civilization and independence!
One interesting note: When Justin’s birth grandparents came all the way from Taiwan to visit him, they were amazed that at 18 months he was still in diapers! They’ve got quite a system over there! Which is being promoted here now as infant toilet training.
Posted in Big families, Mothering, Toddlers | Permalink
Comments
My daughter (now 3), trained herself right after she turned 2. I keep a child-sized potty in the family room while kids are learning to use it--and she just did it on her own. Of course, this involved a lot of naked days (clothes are tough to pull up and down). I'd say just make the potty available and see what happens.
Posted by: Mel | November 27, 2005 12:10 AM
i used the 24=hr. potty training book and it worked with both kids (and my personality) very well. and it didn't take 24 hours either. No regression; positive learning experience. My first was actually almost 3 (that sounds so old!) but he WAS my first, after all, and a boy. My daughter, don't remember, it was that smooth. Except for the day, after she was well-experienced keeping her trainers dry, in the middle of shopping at Sears announced: "mom GO potty" and just let loose right there between the jeans and sweatshirts display.
Posted by: floorplan | November 27, 2005 9:24 PM
Thanks for the comments, Mel and Deb --
You're right - girls are really easy compared to boys in this area. I had four girls and eight boys and the boys took more effort, more time sitting etc. Plus the last four I trained have Down syndrome and required more time.
I'm really glad for comments on these questions so other moms get a well-rounded view of all the possibilities :)
Posted by: barbaracurtis | November 28, 2005 9:45 AM
I'd like to add that for a while your little one will want to be completely naked from the waist down when she goes potty. It must have something to do with clothes getting in the way, or maybe accidentally getting 'gone on'. This includes shoes and socks too. Lots of fun in public - lol- but other mothers (esp. older ones) remember and just smile when you come out. Thank goodness for handicap stalls! (on an off note -hasn't helping one group of people helped the rest of us too)
Long story, but my mother encouraged my first, a dd, by telling her that pretty panties were for big girls who used the potty and when she started using the potty then grandma would take her to buy some pretty panties. She was trained in less than a week --something that shouldn't have happened according to the experts due to the 'stress' in her life from a housefire, living with grandparents, and soon to be new baby. Guess grandma knew better.
Good luck,
Stephanie
Posted by: Stephanie | November 28, 2005 10:50 AM
We just trained my daughter this last week! I'm so excited. We actually tried several months ago just after she turned two, and maybe we didn't do it the right way, but it didn't "work" (our daughter was born ten weeks early, so a lot of times she's more in line developmentally with her due date). She's only recently got to the point where she can sit down on the potty seat by herself.
Two weeks ago, Molly at choosing Home posted detailed instructions on training, and we followed them to the letter, and our daughter was trained in 1 1/2 days! The first day was rough, but it worked.
Yay!!! We haven't night trained the little bug yet, but she's still in a crib... we are mattress shopping currently, so we'll get that process started soon as well.
Posted by: Allie | November 28, 2005 11:32 AM
This is the unidentified reader. ;-) We've been at it two days with the really intense Training in a Day method and big girl underwear. She's getting the basic concept really well, but the speed in getting to the potty and getting her pants down is a real issue, probably because she's so young. Eight accidents in transit this afternoon. :-P I think we're going to go to cloth training pants and a little lower-intensity plan now--going at certain times and when she wants to, but not having to camp by the potty chair while we wait for her muscles to catch up with her brain.
Posted by: Queen of Carrots | November 29, 2005 6:49 PM
