November 11, 2005 8:54 AM
Raising kids with hearts to serve
From Angela (hey, Angela, how's that new baby?):
Hey Barbara,
I was struck by what you said about having teens that think of others before themselves. Did you point out to them that they need to think of others or was it a natural transition from having them help around the house?
My answer is put together from parts of two of my books. Keep in mind as you read that among the children I've raised you would see a wide spectrum of selfishness/selflessness. Using good parenting principles doesn't guarantee a certain outcome for each child, but we use them because they provide the proper soil for character to grow. Some trees grow taller than others.
From Dirty Dancing at the Prom and Other Challenges Your Christian Teens Face: How Parents Can Help (I feel like I have to use the whole title so you know it's about a lot more than freak dancing!)
Teaching kids to think of others and preparing their hearts to serve begins at home. In other times and places, this was not a problem at all. In other countries or rural parts of our own – as well as in our own country’s history – children have worked together alongside their parents before and after school. In today’s home schooling families, work isn’t even compartmentalized, but woven through the other, formal subjects kids are learning.
Still, in general today’s families are smaller and more affluent, and less in need of teamwork. In many homes, as noted on the latest reality TV shows – Trading Spouses and Wife Swap – where contrasting moms are traded for two weeks, are many families where mom runs the house on her own, allowing the kids to just kick back and enjoy the results.
In a big family like mine, that was never an option. I always needed my kids help and raised them to be part of a team. But even if I hadn’t, I would have required them to help because I knew from my Montessori training that that was best for them – best in terms of developing their work ethic.
From The Mommy Manual: Planting Roots that Give Your Child Wings
SEVEN STRATEGIES TO BUILD A STRONG WORK ETHIC IN YOUR KIDS
Start Early
Lay the groundwork early. When our three-year-olds beg to peel carrots, or our four-year-olds plead to sweep the floor, our tendency is to say they’re not ready. But teach them when they’re eager and they’ll be more likely to step up to the plate later on.
Accept What You Get
When faced with less-than-perfect results, graciously praise the effort. For example, when your 7 year old surprises you with clean windows, ignore the smudges and smears: “What hard work! I love to clean windows too. Next time let’s do it together!â€
Know Your Children
There’s a difference between a 5 year old who doesn’t know about washing the backs of plates and a 10-year-old who’s slacking. One needs teaching, the other needs correction. Parents also need to know how to motivate each child. Young children are often motivated by verbal praise. Older children may need more: money or privileges.
Teach Delayed Gratification
Establish a pattern: we work, and then we play: “I know you want to play outside. Let’s pick up all these blocks and fold the clothes and then we can go together.†Or, “Let’s get the house cleaned up and then we’ll make some popcorn and watch a movie.â€
Equip Them to Earn
Through the years we’ve given our kids a base allowance, plus bonuses for work done well and cheerfully. We’ve also encouraged them to find other ways to earn money. These have included raising rats for pet stores, paper routes, and a wood splitting business. What all these ventures had in common was that they took an enormous amount of time and energy – mine and their dad’s! If your child wants to rake leaves, be ready to knock on doors with him. If she wants to walk dogs, help her place an ad in the paper. Be ready and willing to help your child start working, and you’ll be amazed at the life lessons she’ll learn.
Encourage Volunteering
Today volunteerism is trendy. Many schools require community work from students each semester. For Christian kids volunteerism holds a special resonance, as it means following Jesus’ command to love and serve. When your children are young, find ways to involve them in your own service projects. Let them help deliver a meal to a new mom or houseclean for an elderly friend. Pick up trash on your street or on the beach, visit convalescent homes, or pull weeds for a next door neighbor.
Be a Role Model
So much of who our children turn out to be is a reflection not of what we try to pour into them but of what they see in us. It’s not the big occasions our kids will remember most, but the everyday stuff that revealed what their parents were really made of – how we handled frustration, whether we were on time and kept commitments, whether we served others with a smile or a frown.
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Like all good things, building a strong work ethic in your child takes constant effort. But you’ll know it’s worth it when your child comes home from the first day of his first job looking tired and satisfied and grown-up and says something like my oldest son Josh said to me:
“My boss said I did a good job, Mom. Thanks for everything.â€
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Posted in Big families, Family, Mothering | Permalink
