December 8, 2005 7:21 AM
Elisabeth Elliot on welcoming grandchildren
I subscribe to a daily dose of Elisabeth Elliot. Every once in a while what she says is so relevant to the things we talk about here, I run the entire column - sort of a teaser to encourage you to subscribe too.
Last month, in response to readers on parents discouraging them fron having more children, I shared my own experience in Welcoming Children. Today Elisabeth Elliot explains the challenge from the grandparents point of view - as well as how she handled it.
Too Many Children?
When I learned that my daughter Valerie was expecting number five, my insides tied themselves in knots.
Val and Walt were both very peaceful about it, willing to receive this child as they had received the others--as a gift from the Lord, remembering His words, "Whoever welcomes this child in my name welcomes me" (Luke 9:48, NIV). But my imagination ran to the future and its seeming impossibilities--"Poor dear Val. She has her hands more than full. What will she do with five?" Before she was married Valerie had told me that she hoped the Lord would give her six. I had smiled to myself, thinking she would probably revise that number after the first three or four. Practical considerations rose like thunderclouds in my mind. Money. Another room to be built onto the house. Homeschooling (Valerie was teaching two already!) How would the new child receive the attention he needed? Etc., etc.
Then I began to look at the advantages. I was one of six children myself, and loved growing up in a big family. Children learn early what it means to help and to share, to take responsibility and to make sacrifices, to give place to others, to cooperate and deny themselves. Why all this turmoil in my soul? Well, because I loved my child! She was tired! Her hands were full! Maybe later, maybe when the others were old enough to help more, maybe... O Lord!
I tried to talk to God about it. Breakfast time came, we ate, washed dishes, school began in the children's schoolroom, and I went to my room, my heart churning. What does one do?
I write this because troubled young women have come to me not understanding their mothers' reactions to the news of another baby. Was it resentment? Did they not love the grandchildren they had? Why would they not want more? Was it nothing but a meddle-some yen to run their children's lives? Was it a revelation of a worse attitude--an unwillingness to let God be God?
It was this last question that I knew I must wrestle with as I knelt in the bedroom. Most things that trouble us deeply come down to that. I had to bring each of my wrong responses definitely and specifically to God, lay them honestly before Him (He already knew exactly what I was thinking), confess my pride and silliness, and then, just as definitely accept His sovereign and loving will for Valerie, for her family, and for me as the granny. Only God knew how many countless others, even in future generations, He had in mind in bringing this particular child into the Shepard family. He was granting this family the privilege of offering sacrifices for Him, participating in His grand designs. YES, LORD. Your will is my conscious choice. Nothing more. Nothing less. Nothing else.
Even though the feelings don't evaporate at once, they have been surrendered, and the Lord knows what to do with them. Mine had to be surrendered over and over again, but He took them, and over the next few days He transformed them. And when the news of Number Six was broken to me two years later, I was able to say Thank You, Lord, and to add that tiny unknown one to my prayer list.
Evangeline Mary, born November 9, 1988, was lovingly welcomed by all.
And this always bears repeating:
Ten Great Reasons to Have Another Child.
Posted in Babies, Big families, Family, Mothering | Permalink
Comments
Doesn't Valerie have at least 8 children? I thought so...
That is a very interesting perspective from Elisabeth! Guess I hadn't thought of it that way.
Posted by: Holly | December 8, 2005 1:20 PM
She probably does - that was EE agonizing over #6 in 1988. Of course I think it's terrible for a mom to even try to exert that kind of control over a married daughter - but I thought it was good that she took her anguish to the Lord and asked him to deal with it. It must have been hard for Valerie - as it was hard for any of us surrounded by people who didn't understand.
Posted by: barbaracurtis | December 8, 2005 1:47 PM
This is neat for me to read because in my former life as a second grade teacher, I taught one of the cousins of the above mentioned Shepard children. Two of them, both of which I think must have been born after 1988 visited with my class at a hayride/bonfire I hosted.
Posted by: Carrie | December 8, 2005 2:15 PM
EE's book "Keep a Quiet Heart" was my short devotional book to read while rocking and nursing #2. I think that essay is in that book.
My mother was visiting us when I found out I was expecting #4 (in four years.) I know she had a lot of the same worries and concerns for me as EE had for her daughter.
And though I was a bit tense about telling my Mom about #4, her joy and acceptance and support was immediately forthcoming.
I'm so thankful for my Mom. She's been both my biggest cheerleader and my best example. Even when I know she's had ambivelent feelings.
Posted by: TulipGirl | December 9, 2005 3:32 AM
We are hoping that another little boy will come to us through adoption in the next couple of months. I just told my mom today, she said "you are still interested in William" and she didn't sound happy. The little one we just adopted has Angelman's syndrome and I know my mom is worried just like EE that I will be too exhausted, the boys are only 5 months apart also, and William has mild CP. Anyhow, thanks for posting this, it is very timely for me today.
Posted by: Adrienne | December 10, 2005 12:41 AM
