December 17, 2005 5:23 PM
On teachability
One of the greatest disabilities a person can have is defensiveness - the tendency to immediately throw up a wall when confronted with the idea that a change in character may be in order. With 12 kids, I've seen the whole spectrum of reaction to correction. It's very difficult when you see your child bound up in so much defensiveness that they can't even hear what you're saying. It means their journey to maturity will be so much longer than it needs to be.
I may have some major flaws, but defensiveness hasn't been one of them. I think that's why I succeeded in writing so quickly. Let me tell you the story:
It was 1994. I’d been a Christian for seven years and had been homeschooling for four. I had seven children under 11, including one with Down syndrome. I was blessed that Jasmine at 19 was still at home, having chosen to apprentice in motherhood in preparation for marriage and her own family. She was a tremendous help and blessing as she also taught the kids using the same principles I did.
Those principles came from my Montessori background, as I had been trained as a teacher many years before. There were many things I took for granted, but when other mothers asked me how I managed – “How do you teach so many different levels while your toddlers are running around?” - I began to see my Montessori training gave me an edge because I’d learned how to provide the best learning environment for toddlers, one which would release their potential for learning.
I began giving workshops to share the basic principles and practical things moms could do to help their little ones reach their potential, while making their own lives easier. Soon I decided to write a book and signed up for Mount Hermon Christian Writers Conference.
I’m usually a confident person (and why, oh why do people misread confidence as arrogance or pride – they are not the same at all) and I went to the conference with a proposal for a book called Small Beginnings: First Steps to Prepare Your Child for Lifelong Learning. I was sure I would be successful at finding a publisher.
When teachers noted that I might try writing magazine articles first, I brushed off their suggestions: I was going to be a book author.
But one afternoon, I did sit down with David Kopp, then editor of Christian Parenting Today, to pitch an idea for an article called “Big Family Techniques Any Family Can Use to Make Life More Manageable.”
There was a silence as David focused on his hands folded on the table. When he looked up, his face was very serious and this is what he said: “You know, we get a lot of articles like that, but the problem is they all sound so smug and pedantic.”
Smug and pedantic. It was as though God had pierced my heart with an arrow and I realized that everything I had written probably sounded just the way he thought it would.
What a blessing that God would give me just the correction I needed so early in my writing career. And double blessing that I could hear it!
I went home that year and rewrote everything I had written. I also wrote the article I’d pitched to David and he published it. It was my second published article as I had – incredibly, as I only learned when I went to Mount Hermon – published the first article I ever submitted in Moody magazine in 1992 (a funny story I’ll share sometime).
However, besides that one article, I succeeded at nothing I undertook. In my brokenness, I almost didn’t go back to Mount Hermon in 1995 because I thought I must have misheard God's call. When I did decide at the last minute to go, I went with a much more teachable spirit. For example, I took the Beginners’ Writing Track, which I had not taken the first time. I listened really hard to everything teachers said. My writing heart was revolutionized by hearing Robin Jones Gunn speak of how necessary it was to love your reader.
That year, the big revelation for me was that it didn’t matter how much wisdom I had to share, if I didn’t love the people I was writing for. The picture that came to my mind was Jesus washing the disciples’ feet and that was the approach I decided to take with my writing. And so the next year, even as I sent submissions, I focused less on what I knew and more on what my readers needed. That’s when I started my Inspiration Board.
In 1996, I came back to Mount Hermon with 38 publishing credits and a book contract for my first book (along with a pile of 127 rejection letters). For a second year writer, this represented a tremendous success. When they pulled me up to the microphone and asked how I did it, I said, “Well, I just went home and did everything everyone told me to do.” The 300 people assembled there laughed. What an unthinkable idea! I won the Writer of the Year award that year.
But you know, I’d trade a hundred awards for that one moment when David Kopp was obedient to the Holy Spirit and said what I needed to hear. The funny thing is that he doesn’t even remember. I guess because he talks to hundreds of writers a year and makes it a habit to say what needs to be said.
What was unusual I guess is that I received it, embraced it, and allowed myself to be changed by it.
That made all the difference for me.
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I went on to write many articles for Christian Parenting Today - you can find them archived here.
Small Beginnings was published in 1997 - copies are available through amazon or by contacting me.
Posted in Inspiration, Montessori, Mothering, Writing | Permalink
Comments
I would love to recommend Small Beginnings to anyone who does not have it. It is easy to read and full of incredible ideas to implement with toddlers. It would be a great last minute Christmas present to begin exercises after the holidays.
Posted by: Carrie | December 17, 2005 6:55 PM
I always enjoy hearing you talk about writing. Thanks for sharing. Hope you all are enjoying this Christmas season. You're a blessing.
Posted by: Lexie | December 18, 2005 3:59 AM
Barbara,
Thanks for sharing your story here. I appreciate it. I have a similar story I'll share someday on my blog. Being teachable is the key to writing success, I'm convinced. And being able to weather rejection. Thanks for pushing through both.
Posted by: relevantgirl | December 18, 2005 4:37 AM
I just wanted to thank you for stopping by my blog and commenting. I'm new here but I'll be back. I hope you'll visit again. I love stimulating conversation :)
Posted by: WashLady | December 18, 2005 3:50 PM
I love you, Barbara Curtis....for your transparent, candid, frank, truthful sharing! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Posted by: Debi D | December 18, 2005 5:57 PM
Thanks for this story, and the emphasis you put on being teachable. I have experienced the struggle it is to make a difference in a sibling who doesn't want to admit problems and I definitely don't want the same handicap in my own life.
I have the feeling that God will call me to write someday as well (He has given me so much that I dare not hide in a hole), so I will take your lessons to heart, Mrs. Barbara.
And Thank you very much for writing Small Beginnings, it has been such a blessing to us already.
Posted by: Cheri | December 19, 2005 6:51 AM
Another good post.
Off topic: You've been Christmas tagged!
Posted by: Carol | December 19, 2005 6:38 PM
Thanks so much for sharing this. I am an "unteachable" from a long line of unteachables and have two unteachables myself. It has certainly been God who gave me these two to show me myself in all my vain-glory. This entry was further help in that area. Of course, that comes as no surprise to me as I am always finding myself "inspired" in my work here.
Posted by: Sara | December 20, 2005 9:57 AM
Thanks for sharing these thoughts. I'm looking forward to relevantgirl's story - visit her blog and check out her books - and Sara, that is so funny and true. Our kids really are like mirrors, aren't they?
Posted by: barbaracurtis | December 20, 2005 10:21 PM
