February 4, 2006 10:23 AM
Happy Birthday Zach - and hope for every mommy
Today is Zach's 18th birthday! (Photo by little brother Jonny)
And since on this day 18 years ago I labored to bring him into the world, I'm going to take the liberty of talking about him. I think knowing a little more about Zachary will give other mommies - even if you're still in the throes of getting a good night's sleep - something sweet to build your dreams on.
Zachary was the fourth of a string of four boys born within five and a half years. When he was two months old, we moved from the suburbs to the country. A couple weeks later, I broke my arm while flying a kite (that's another story. . . ) and had a cast from my knuckles to above my elbow. Not exactly the cuddliest situation.
Zachary was a quiet baby - so quiet I would have worried about him if I hadn't been so busy unpacking with one arm. He loved the mobile of yellow duckies above his changing table and would flail his arms and legs in appreciation of them. I'd stand by, camcorder in hand, for half an hour at a time waiting for some sound to emerge - you know, talking to the yellow duckies. But Zachary was a man of few words.
He was a very late reader. I had taught my other kids to read by four or five, using the very simple but effective Montessori method (in my book Ready, Set, Read!) but for Zachary, reading didn't click until he was seven or so.
Being the youngest, Zach often found himself with the fuzzy end of the lollipop. Then he'd track down Tripp or me to announce with great seriousness: "Mom, Dad, I have to report that my brothers will not let me participate, though I'm perfectly qualified to play the game they're involved in."
By nine he was reading heavy tomes about ancient and modern warfare, biographies of famous leaders like Winston Churchhill and Atilla the Hun. He had a deep voice and spoke in a dreary monotone - kinda like Eeyore.
And he had a stutter - which would disappear for a while only to return.
Not wanting to give it too much energy, I came up with a plan and stuck to it for five years, watching the stutter come and go. And then one day when Zachary was 10 or so, I wondered when the was the last time I'd heard it. Like so many other problems, this was just another one that "came to pass" - not to stay.
Zachary turned out to be so intelligent, that at 12 he scored 1020 on the SATs. At 13 he passed the California High School Proficiency Exam and enrolled in college.
But when we moved to Virginia, he and his brothers went into public high school. Zach ended up graduating only a year early at 17. But if you asked him today, he'd tell you it wasn't wasted time at all. Zach is such a serious student that he can get something out of any course. And our county schools and teachers are very impressive. Plus this last year, a wonderful thing happened for Zachary: he really came into his own socially, with friends here, there, and everywhere. He finally felt comfortable inside his skin.
He was the only National Merit Scholarship finalist out of his class of 363. (SATs now 1520) I was so proud of him today I could have bust my buttons!
So, please don't judge me harshly for bragging so long and so loud about this very special son. For one thing, I want mommies out there to know how important it is to relax when your kids are young and not get hung up about problems like stuttering. When I look back, I realize Zach's little brain was probably just going so fast he couldn't get everything out.
And I also offer Zachary as evidence against the charge some people make that kids from big families are dumbed down because of lack of attention from their parents. Zach was 6th of 12 - right in the middle. When he was four, Jonny was born with Down syndrome and a bunch of medical problems that kept us going in and out of the hospital for 15 months. When Zach was 5, Madeleine was born. When Zack was 7 we adopted another baby with Down syndrome. Mama started writing. Then two more adoptions.
It's not like we were grooming him to be what he turned out to be.
But, I believe -
That when God plants something special in one of his creations, it will rise to the surface despite the soil. I grew up in a very undesirable, neglectful environment. But like Zach, I skipped grades. And was also a National Merit Finalist.
Then too, the thing is not to get hung up on intelligence as the most important gift. I have other children who are gifted singers or extraordinary parents or just plain wonderful human beings, full of kindness and character.
Mommies, this is what it's all about. As Rick Warren's Purpose-Driven Life begins: "It's not about you."
Hey, Rick, I couldn't agree more! It's not about us - it's all about them. It's all about receiving each one as though God has given us a very special gift - not planning who or what they will become, but unwrapping carefully to see what God has placed inside, then doing our best to help them realize their potential.
I sure liked what we found as Zach was unwrapped!
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Zach has a website - Random Thoughts.
Posted in Family, Mothering | Permalink
Comments
Thank you for sharing this. What an encouragement to me today. Ever had a kid that was mouthy? Maybe you could blog about that someday and inspire those of us who are dealing with it and can't see past today : )
Posted by: Kelli | February 4, 2006 11:04 AM
Thank you for this post. My son is so intelligent but having a lot of problems with his behavior in school (and sometimes at home). He is a sweet boy, but always wound up it seems. I see so much potential in him and I worry that I am not a good enough parent to guide him through this rough waters and help him become who he should be. Your post gave me hope.
Posted by: Jessica | February 4, 2006 1:45 PM
Thank you for this post. My son is so intelligent but having a lot of problems with his behavior in school (and sometimes at home). He is a sweet boy, but always wound up it seems. I see so much potential in him and I worry that I am not a good enough parent to guide him through this rough waters and help him become who he should be. Your post gave me hope.
Posted by: Jessica | February 4, 2006 1:48 PM
Barbara,
First time commenter here. This was a lovely post and so true that it is not our job to make our children into anything but only to guide them into becoming who God wants them to be.
Posted by: Lauren | February 4, 2006 1:59 PM
Wonderful post.
Ok...some practicality on bringing out and guiding out those gifts in your child.
Espeically when your child balks at every extra-curricular activity and interest. :)
Posted by: Andrea | February 4, 2006 4:34 PM
I too have an 18 year old son who stutters. His is in the moderate to severe range. We even went so far as to purchase him a SpeechEasy, which he never used because he is comfortable in his own skin. He leaves in June for Marine Corps Boot Camp. We are so proud of him!
Thank you for this post.
Posted by: Mary | February 5, 2006 8:53 AM
i have a "balker", too. Would LOVE some tips as Andrea suggested.
Posted by: floorplan | February 5, 2006 7:19 PM
