February 27, 2006 11:16 AM
Parenting Q&A
A reader writes:
R. will be 3 in a few weeks. We had a friend of his (not one we see alot and he is 1 1/2 yrs. older ) over for a playdate. He was excited for his friend to come but when he got here his behavior was terrible. He did not share his toys, threw his games, etc. across the room, pushed his friend, would take toys that his friend was playing with, and push right in front of his friend when he was playing with something. How did I deal with this? I verbally reprimanded him the whole playdate and put him in his room for time out at one point. He continued to behave this way so needless to say I was emotionally drained. How do I handle this behavior and how should I be disciplining my son? Should I have a friend over weekly or biweekly so he learns how to play and share with others? I would appreciate any advice you have! Thanks!
My reply:
I definitely say yes to more playdates! R's behavior is normal - especially for an oldest or only child, who are often at a disadvantage in these situations because without siblings they are just not practiced in cooperative play. It is by your patient training that R will develop better skills in playing with his friends. So the more time he spends with other children under your watchful eye, the more socially gifted he will become.Start by teaching him - returning the toy to his friend and giving him something else, or asking him to wait for "his turn". Be upbeat and positive. This is a learning process.
Only when the behavior continues do you need to discipline. Then a time-out would be appropriate: "When you are ready to share your toys/keep your hands to yourself/stop throwing, you may come back to play."
For toy disputes, use a timer to have him wait for his turn.
When he is playing nicely, be encouraging: "I like the way you are playing so nicely with your friend."
If the situation is escalating, stop for a snack or sing some songs with them - especially with motor activity like The Hokey Pokey - or finger play like Five Little Monkeys. Involve yourself until everyone is cheerful, then give them another chance to play together. Your involvement takes the pressure off the children for a while and defuses things so they can make a fresh start. Although this may be a learning process, you want it to be mostly fun!
Readers - your comments are welcome too!
Posted in Mothering, Toddlers | Permalink
Comments
Perhaps some role-playing before the friend comes over would help. Walk through how we will greet the friend, which toys we will share, etc. Make it a fun game.
Also you can practice taking turns with Mom and Dad, too, when you play, or brush teeth, or whatever.
Posted by: Queen of Carrots | March 1, 2006 6:56 AM
