February 9, 2006 9:49 PM
Parenting Q&A Birth control
I just want to thank the readers here who've helped me out with answering questions I received after yesterday's radio broadcast. I am so trying to finish this book - but also feel like I want to respond to women who've taken the time to write. Thanks for helping me out.
I also want to suggest the forums at Choosing Home, which is a place with lots of encouragement and practical help for those of us on this never-uninteresting journey of motherhood.
Here's another question:
I'm a young, 26yr old, Christian woman who is a proud virgin. After hearing about you having 12 children, a thought that ran through my mind was "Whoa, they must not have used any birth control (ha, ah)".But, seriously, I was wondering about this issue for Christians. I'm not looking to use Birth Control any time soon in the future. However, if I were to get married, this is a thought that came to mind. The readings that I've seen state that the scriptures really don't speak specifically about the subject of birth control.
I was wondering how did you handle this issue and with your husband? Also, did having many children allow you to continue participating in activities that you found interest in? The readings I've come across state that we have to look at our motivations for choosing to use Birth Control. I don't want to sound or be self-ish. I'll use myself for example. I love to travel. Traveling has been a very important part of my upbringing. I did not come from a large family, (just me and my brother) but my parents and I traveled quite a bit. I want to do this with my family someday. I just feel that with more children, it brings up financial and economical issues.
Again, I may have years before I have to really deal with this, but I was just curious as to how this effected you, or if it did. This may not be an issue for someone who doesn't travel much. However, I want to please God and not have my motivations for the choice of Birth Control to be selfish driven. Understand. Anyhow, thanks for speaking on Midday Connection,
Just a few brief comments from me: In 1985, after Tripp and I had had two babies conceived while using birth control, I could no longer use it - the idea revolted me. We weren't really Christians then, but considered ourselves spiritual. When I talked to Tripp, he agreed that it was our calling to have a big family (I had brought two daughters into the marriage, so we had four - which is a lot in Marin County, CA!) So we stopped using birth control and had five more kids, then adopted three more. We became Christians in 1987 and sometime around 1989 found out about a book called Full Quiver: Family Planning and the Lordship of Christ. That’s how we learned there are other people with the same calling as ours.
As far as selfishness goes, my thought is that there are seasons in our lives. And while it’s great to have a passion for something, we should always stand ready to set it aside if God has a different plan for our lives or even just for a season. Motherhood is a season where – in order to do it well – you must put the family’s needs before your own. In other periods of history and cultures around the world this is not questioned so much, but in ours it is as women have – in my opinion – become more selfish and less willing to give up part of their lives to see that the next generation is properly nurtured and grown. The good news is that once a baby is born, mothers often change their minds about what is important and what is not.
And there is a whole season that comes later when you get to be “free†again – although by then you may not be exactly sure that’s what you wanted after all.
Rather than having my own plans for my life, I’ve learned that God already has a plan and I need to tune in. His is the plan I want to follow. And whatever I have given up along the way, he has returned to me a hundredfold.
Posted in Big families, Family, Mothering, Pro-Life Issues | Permalink
Comments
I've done a lot of thinking and praying about this issue in the last year, as my husband and I wrestled with our own call to be open to a large family. The results are too long to post in a comment. :) But if you're interested, I wrote out my thinking (and answered the main objections, point by point) on my own blog at
laundryandlullabies.blogspot.com/2005/06/making-babies
I'd be happy to have you read it, if it might help you in your own thinking. The short summary is that my husband and I do not use birth control at all (not even NFP) and choose to welcome children as God sees fit.
Posted by: Emily | February 9, 2006 11:42 PM
Barbara, I love the way you answer this question. Such gentleness and tact. :)
I am very blessed to have the "financial issues" bit addressed by my in-laws life. They have trusted God through thick and thin while living in a third-world country, and raised 9 children for the Lord, then adopted a 10th all while living in a mud and grass hut, literally. If they can trust God, then surely so can I! I do think mostly "financial issues" boils down to "I want _____, and children would hinder me from having that."
At this moment, I cannot imagine longing for freedom. I look forward to the empty nest with dread, not anticipation. Hard as motherhood may be at times, I simply cannot imagine my life and home devoid of constand toddler chatter and slobbery baby kisses!
Posted by: Margaret | February 10, 2006 5:57 AM
Also, if God blesses you with a family, you can redefine your ideas of travel...must it always be to an exotic or expensive location?
I'm a big traveler, and it never occurred NOT to travel with my kids. We just bundled them up and went, you don't need all the paraphernalia and gear the baby mags promote. Our trips have usually meant driving. From the beginning we made a firm decision never to rely on electronic games or videos; choosing books, art and talking instead. (Though we have made ample use of the car's music system. We singalong like maniacs or listen to books on tape.) We work in calisthenics, tag, etc at rest stops.
*You can discover all kinds of wonderful places and daytrips right in your own back yard.
*Camping is inexpensive.
*Study books/websites on how to get hotels/airfares/house swaps at greatly reduced prices. There's a world of clever info for people who hate to camp.
*Missions trips are ways to get to foreign countries and serve at the same time.
*Lisa Whelchel (former child actress, now homeschooling mom) lived and traveled America for a year in an RV, funded by the RV company, she dreamed up a publicity angle and the company loved it. www.lisawhelchel.com for the story.
I WISH I HAD MORE CHILDREN! God's resources are abundant and when you open yourself to Him, he has such a way of answering your deepest concerns that you find yourself wondering, "what on earth was I worried about?"
I hope God brings you a husband and children to love. Thanks for posting!
Posted by: floorplan | February 10, 2006 8:27 AM
Another thought to ponder is your own answer to 'when does life begin?' If you believe that life begins at the moment of conception then many forms of birth control are unacceptable. Many forms of the pill do not prevent conception, instead they prevent implantation. The new life is kept from implating and feeding itself. That is a deep thought--a self abortion of sorts.
Another thought to ponder is 'Is G*d in really in charge?' No really! And what does that mean? It is so easy to answer yes, but so hard to live the answer. Else why would Christians worry about the costs of children--and all other things? Being prudent/careful with money and not trusting G*d's providence are not contradictory. (I hope that makes sense I have my own littles being busy here!)
A book that I enjoyed was "The Way Home" by Mary Pride. She details her own journey and the reasonings behind. The book helps refute the common reasons for birthcontrol--such as over population. It also introduces more of the politics behind the birthcontrol movement. It is an older book, but it is still sound.
A more fun read that can help is "The Complete Tightwad Gazette" by Amy Dcyczyn. I love how she explains that having an 'expensive' dream or hobby is not a bad thing as long as the bills are paid and there is some money in the bank.
Its a big area to think about because it is a such a visible aspect of life. Who doesn't notice a woman followed by many children? But G*d's word is there and he will lead you if you are willing to be led.
Blessings on your search
Posted by: Stephanie | February 10, 2006 9:14 AM
Regarding the traveling and finances thing, I grew up with all of that. I traveled everywhere, had a car waiting for me when I turned 16, etc. It's all temporary. 18 years only.
I'd trade it all for even one more sibling. Siblings are forever. They've been with you your whole life and shaped your life. You have them when your parents pass on.
I wish my parents would have set the comforts for us aside and gave us more eternal gifts: more siblings.
Posted by: JacqueFromTexas | February 10, 2006 10:35 AM
Okay, JacqueFromTexas. Your comment made me cry! And I'm not really a crier. (Okay, so I am due any time...but I don't think I'm overly hormonal!)
I'm expecting my 7th, and sometimes it CAN be hard...but I believe so worth it. Thank you for putting the whole topic into perspective for us all!
Posted by: Holly | February 10, 2006 1:35 PM
God has much to say about using birthcontrol. Using artificial birthcontrol is a sin. Everytime we have intercourse we must be open to the posibility of a child. If we, definitely don't want children we should abstain. --- Now if you have a good reason not to have children after you have prayed about it with your husband you can use Natural Family Planning. NOW BEFORE YOU THINK OF THIS AS RYTHEM METHOD THIS IS NOT WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT.... Natural Family planning is charting 3 things about your body and the best way to learn about this system is to go to http://www.ccli.org/
The Couple to Couple league. You can look for a teaching couple in your area or your can take the home teaching kit. It is suggested to take the class with your husband. Natural Family planning has helped save many marriages because it opens up communication between husband and wife.
And as Barbara said in her diet section. Sin is sin. And artificial birthcontrol is sin.
God Bless each and everyone of you on your way to heaven.
Posted by: Debbie from WI | April 7, 2006 12:20 AM
Barbara, I just sent a commit to birthcontrol. and NFP. Could you please some how ad to my comment that I had 11 children. 9 are living, 2 miscarriage.
So don't think that we use NFP as birthcontrol because we didn't. A couple of times after much prayer we used it for spacing. My children range in age from 21 to 3
Posted by: Debbie from WI | April 7, 2006 12:26 AM
