February 28, 2006 8:01 AM
Talking to Teens
Teenagers love to talk. But it’s not enough to ask, "How was your day?"
When psychologist Torey Hayden asked several hundred teens what they wished they could talk with their parents about, they named:
• Family matters - Vacations, decisions, rules, curfews, serious illness, money problems.
• Controversial issues - Sex, lifestyles, drugs.
• Emotional issues - Parents' feelings about them and other things.
• Big whys - Why do people go hungry? Why is there war? Other philosophical issues.
• The future - Work, college, making plans for their life beyond the current home.
• Current affairs - World and community happenings.
• Personal interest - Sports, hobbies, friends.
• Parents themselves - What were parents like at their age, stories that show parents are real.
Adapted from the ERIC Digest "Parenting Teens" by Karen DeBord, Ph.D.,State Extension Specialist, Child Development North Carolina Cooperative Extension.
(This is a little excerpt from my book Dirty Dancing at the Prom and Other Challenges Your Christian Teens Face: How Parents Can Help.)
Posted in Mothering, Teens and Tweens | Permalink
Comments
I don't have any teenagers yet but I am reminded of when I was a teenager and I wanted to talk about some things with my grandmother (who raised me).
The problem was that she would get very upset if she felt like her values were not rubbing off on me quite the way she had hoped. So if I asked "why is premarrital sex wrong" she would get mad instead of explaining.
The other day in the grocery store I over heard a teenag girl talking to her mother. The daughter was asking questions through the experiance of a "friend". She told her mom that a friend of hers was adopting a baby. Her mom said oh is she infertile? The girl said "why do you think she is infertile?" Mom said "why else would she be adopting instead of having her own". And the teenage girl replies "She says that it is wrong to have your own children when there are so many children that need raising, she says she may never have her own children."
The mom was stumped. I could tell that she didn't feel right about that, and did not agree with that reasoning but she had no idea what to say to explain her POV.
I thought it was great that the teenager was talking to her mom about these issues, but it was rather anti-climactic when the mom just couldn't respond.
I am not sure I would have immediatly. Maybe I could have said "I need to think about that" and then brought it up later.
It just goes to show that we really can't expect our kids to share our values unless we can explain them well.
Posted by: paigeu | February 28, 2006 1:10 PM
I need to get that book! I have 3 girls (15, 12, 10) and an 8 year old son. I need all the help I can get in this day and age. I think that they are pretty much grounded in their faith right now, but I know there will be challenges and temptations that come their way.
Posted by: Mama B | February 28, 2006 10:38 PM
