April 21, 2006 10:14 AM
The birds and the bees and NYC
Maddy and I just returned from New York where we celebrated her 13th birthday/passage into young womanhood.
Tripp decided long ago to make the 13th birthday a more significant life passage for our kids by taking each of the boys for a one-on-one camping trip during which they talked about what it meant to be a Christian man, husband and father. They would also discuss the importance of purity and hopefully each would make a commitment to preserve his purity until marriage.
Since Tripp and I were not brought up as Christians and lacked any moral foundation - and since we were identified with the counterculture and the s*xual revolution (sad to say, but glad to finally have found the truth), we came into our own marriage with a lot of baggage. Not the best way to come, we would be the first to tell anyone. But it is this firsthand experience of the negative consequences of living outside God's plan for s*x and marriage which compels us to do all we can to give our children the best start possible in this area.
I have been amazed since my kids started public school here in Virginia that we seem to be the only parents opting our kids out of s*x Ed [in an effort to avoid attracting spam, I’ve edited the s word throughout this entry]. After all, the majority of families here identify themselves as Christians. Educating kids about marriage, family living and s*x is something I believe Christian parents need to tend to themselves in order to ground them thoroughly in the beautiful future God had in mind for those who choose to follow the path he had in mind.
We always taught our kids that s*x wasn't something bad or just a no-no. On the contrary, it was so wonderful and beautiful and powerful that it should be reserved until after the commitment of marriage where it would strengthen the bond between husband and wife.
This is one area of parenting where you just can't be flying by the seat of your pants. It's good to be proactive, to have a vision and a plan. We don't wait until 13 to talk about s*x, btw. Unfortunately, kids today - even homeschool kids - can be exposed at an early age to comments from other kids without the spiritual perspective. This is where being proactive counts - Tripp and I wanted our kids’ first experience hearing about s*x to be in a loving and positive manner. So we preempted any undesirable stuff by starting early to explain to our kids what happens when a man and woman love each other and commit themselves in marriage.
In public school s*x Ed, kids are taught about the mechanics of s*x and birth control, but there is so much missing. I believe that when we speak to our children about s*x, it must always be in the context of marriage and God's plan for the family. How can we delegate our responsibility and allow people with other - often contrary - worldviews to educate our children about such a sensitive issue?
Readers, feel free to pitch in your two cents here! And to add any books you've found helpful.
In the meantime, what I set out to say was that Maddy and I had gone to New York for two nights - which was the feminine equivalent of the guys' Coming into Manhood camping trip. I took Sophia three years ago for her 13th when Central Park was full of snow and we rode a horse drawn buggy through after seeing the Rockettes at Radio City Music Hall (and did you know that at the end of the Christmas show they do a Living Nativity complete with camels and Bible verses and everything? While I try to avoid saying "awesome" because it is so overused, this was something I can only use the word "awesome" to describe!)
Maddy and I had the same purpose, but warmer weather. Next post will be pictures from our trip!
Posted in Family, Mothering, Teens and Tweens | Permalink
Comments
Just wondering ~ when do you first start talking to your children about s*x? When they ask questions? Our eldest is almost nine. I have tried to be honest; but, not give more info than the answer. I want our children to always feel like they can talk to us about this or anything else. But, I want to keep them innocent until the right time. Could you comment more on age?
I loved your thoughts and ideas on this important subject. Thanks!
Posted by: Laura | April 21, 2006 2:55 PM
I'd love to hear more about just HOW you went about teaching your kids about s*x, how old they were, etc.! My oldest is 9, and I think that so far my dh's plan is to fly by the seat of his pants! Eek! LOL!!! I'd like to be a bit more proactive, yet I'm not sure just HOW to go about it.
Since your kiddos already know about s*x before the Big Trip, just what all do you talk about there?
Posted by: Keer | April 21, 2006 4:53 PM
I really want to know about how you approach this with a special needs young person, so I'm asking here as well as "With Maddy in NY"...
Posted by: floorplan | April 21, 2006 7:12 PM
Thank you all for the comments. I will write an entry soon going into more detail. Promise.
Posted by: barbaracurtis | April 21, 2006 7:50 PM
Hi,
There is an excellent book that approaches this subject from a Catholic perspective.
It's called "Beyond the Birds and the Bees", by Gregory Popcack.
It really begins with the examination of one's own marriage and perspectives on sexuality and gives real solid tools for building a family life with a healthy repect for other people within the family and beyond. It helps parents begin at the beginning of a child's life to develop a Christian perspective of themselves and others. This corresponds to God's plan for our sexuality perfectly!
I actually bought the book a few months ago and my boys are 4,6,and 8. It is possible to use it with all ages.
Just thought I'd mention it.
Posted by: Jennifer | April 22, 2006 10:30 AM
I'd like to second the book Jennifer mentioned above. I was partway into reading it when my ten year-old daughter asked the "big question" (we had already had the "becoming a woman talk") and having at least delved into it, along with a quick prayer to the Hoy Spirit, went a long way in how our conversation went.
Posted by: KatieButler | April 22, 2006 3:24 PM
Hello,
Glad I found this blog! Your comments on sex really struck a chord with me -- probably because my daughter is turning 12 in a couple of weeks, and we are fast approaching the "Big Talk" (we've had those little, leading-up-to-it talks, and of course she understands everything about her body works; she just doesn't know what the daddy's role is yet).
In short -- this is SO in my life right now!
I am delighted to report that my husband taught our son about sex when he was 12 (he will be 14 next month); he had not received any information or misinformation prior to his discussion with Dad (thank you, Lord!).
A big YES to teaching our children about the beauty of sex within the context of marriage. It's a beautiful gift from our Creator...and I believe it makes a huge difference when we present it that way to our precious children.
Posted by: Jillian | April 22, 2006 4:27 PM
