April 27, 2006 7:41 AM
Wife Swap - Part 2
Wow. This Wife Swap invitation has stirred up a lot of good comments from all of you. I am so grateful to have you all as a resource. I have to give this a lot of prayer and thought.
I'll start the thought process by responding to the comments here:
Somehow we got the idea that it is two weeks (maybe that's how they make it seem on the show) - but it is only six days.
There have never been any s*xual implications in the shows I've seen. Or romantic. Sometimes the temporary mom (they really should call it Mom Swap because it focuses more on the woman's role running the home than as wife) advises the husband/dad to treat his wife better, but that's it. Usually the men have problems with the new situation and the new rules made by the temporary mom - but it really only lasts three days.
I know they have made Christians look foolish in the past. But the ones I have seen were extremely uptight and not used to dealing with people outside the confines of their religion. That's not me at all. Because I lived such a wild and crazy life before I became a Christian I feel like I have more confidence and compassion dealing with different kinds of people - plus a unique platform to communicate about differences (been there, done that).
I also have my blog and my writing sphere to defend myself and undo any damage done by misleading editing. If I were on the show, it would drive people to my blog and my books and would thus help me reach more people with the message I want to reach them with - unburdening, enlightening, and empowering moms so they may find more joy in raising their kids.
So that is certainly a big draw. Missionaries go to countries where Christians are misunderstood and persecuted and where they are surrounded by evil influences. And they stay for years. Six days is not so much - if that is what I am supposed to do.
I also feel that sometimes we worry a lot about how the media portray us, and yet the Truth is stronger than any lie for those who are ready to hear it. Even when they have tried to portray Christians as uptight and intolerant, the spiritual emptiness and sometimes chaos in families without a foundation does not come out looking particularly attractive next to the undeniable order and serenity of a grounded family.
Our family also has a strong theme of service to others and self-sacrifice. I don't think that can be expunged from reality TV no matter how biased toward Christians they might be. It speaks for itself. And it would answer those critics who accuse Christians of being self-righteous and self-centered while doing nothing to help others.
In some ways, this is a wonderful opportunity and I might be remiss to turn it down because of logical thinking and fear of the unknown. It might well be something we could walk through in faith. It might be a redeeming moment. I know God would protect my family for six days and that my kids and hubby are strong enough to handle life and protect the boys with Down syndrome - maybe educate the temporary mom a little - without me.
Remember how I felt about The End of the Spear? After contracting the lead actor, the producers found out he was gay. When the movie came out there was an uproar among Christian bloggers - "How could they?" - and a call to boycott a wonderful movie. I felt exactly the opposite - that God must be pleased to have a gay person working so closely for a long time with a bunch of Christians. How else would he ever be reached?
But I'm also a person who when they placed my eighth child in my arms and I could see that he had Down syndrome, thought "God must love me so much!" and knew it would be a great adventure! (for that story, click here). In other words, I don't think and react like most people. And to me life is an adventure - an adventure I thought would end when I became a Christian, but which continues unfolding each day.
Do you think things out in writing? I do. And as I write this I am beginning to understand why I couldn't say flat-out NO when presented with this unusual possibility. I am actually feeling like it is part of the adventure God has planned.
And who knows - they may decide that they wouldn't want me after all because I'm not a stereotype. But I have to be willing to say yes if it's part of my Great Adventure. I love that Steven Curtis Chapman song, don't you? I use it often to get myself revved up for motherhood:
The Great AdventureLyrics by Steven Curtis Chapman and Geoff Moore
[1 Cor 2:9-10, Eph 2:4-10]
Started out this morning in the usual way
Chasing thoughts inside my head of all I had to do today
Another time around the circle try to make it better than the lastI opened up the Bible and I read about me
Said I'd been a prisoner and God's grace had set me free
And somewhere between the pages it hit me like a lightning bolt
I saw a big frontier in front of me and I heard somebody say "let's go"![Chorus:]
Saddle up your horses we've got a trail to blaze
Through the wild blue yonder of God's amazing grace
Let's follow our leader into the glorious unknown
This is a life like no other - this is The Great AdventureCome on get ready for the ride of your life
Gonna leave long faced religion in a cloud of dust behind
And discover all the new horizons just waiting to be explored
This is what we were created for[Chorus]
We'll travel over, over mountains so high
We'll go through valleys below
Still through it all we'll find that
This is the greatest journey that the human heart will ever see
The love of God will take us far beyond our wildest dreamsYeah... oh saddle up your horses... come on get ready to ride
[Chorus]
Posted in Culture, Family | Permalink
Comments
Go for it, Barbara.
Since you are seeking Him, He will definitely use it.
Posted by: Andrea | April 27, 2006 8:06 AM
Those comments all make sense. They also seem as if you are rationalizing quite a bit. Maybe the questions to ask are "Why am I drawn to doing this?" The money has to be a draw.Is that to cover your travel expenses or do they cover those? Either way you still end up with money and for me, that always colors my intentions.I wish it did not and I struggle with that.
Is God providing a way to reach others or are you being tempted by the evil one?
This is a biggie.... one thing I have not heard yet is how your husband feels.And many readers, including myself, have brought that issue up.Maybe you both need to pray and fast over this since it is so big.
I have heard (in my heart)you saying you want to do this from the first post and my heart tells me you need to examine your intentions closely and you need your husband's guidance on this. I don't feel good about it..but it is not my life and it might be the most wonderful opportunity.. so I do not want to mislead you.I will pray for you.
Mary
Posted by: mary | April 27, 2006 8:24 AM
I really hope you do the show. It would be great to have a strong Christian mom with a large family and values portrayed for once. This past week there was a homeschooling family, but they were not the kind of people who would lead me to choose homeschooling! I enjoy your blog.
Cathy
Posted by: Cathy | April 27, 2006 8:36 AM
Gee, Mary - I am surprised someone who's read me for a while could so misjudge me. Money is not a draw for me, which is why I never mentioned it. I mean it's nice and it's useful, but I would never make a decision to do something wrong for money's sake. When we adopted our kids with Down syndrome, we took on a lot of extra expense with no subsidy - obviously money was not a factor in our decision-making process.
Also my husband is 100% "go fot it" - we are usually of the same mind about important things - he is actually more sure of the rightness of this than I am.
I have never been accused of rationalizing before. I tend to think of rationalizing as a way to get out of being obedient - like when people are called to adopt or to become missionaries, but rationalize themselves out of it.
One thing I've learned is that obedience to God is often misjudged by others - we don't always understand God's ways.
Posted by: barbaracurtis | April 27, 2006 8:48 AM
Barbara - It sure is a big decision. I for one would definitley watch:) I wonder if they would send you copies of the show so that you can do a little more research. It seems like your only concern would really be the mom that stays with your family, I'd be concerned with someone coming with an agenda. Your kids may be old enough to handle that, though. I'll be praying for you and hubby while y'all make this decision.
Posted by: Shannon Miller | April 27, 2006 8:48 AM
HOW COOL! I say "go for it!" You have alot to share with another family.
Posted by: Jeanne | April 27, 2006 9:00 AM
I received that invitation from Jodi for last season's Wife Swap. I wouldn't trust them as far as I can throw them. Just my opinion. But since you are used to dealing with the media, you could probably handle the situation quite well. They will question you to find out what would annoy you the most, and switch with that kind of family.
Posted by: Carol | April 27, 2006 9:18 AM
I went to bed thinking about my comments to you last night- I realized I was thinking you definitely shouldn't because of a list of ways how non-christians could have a negative influence on your family... but you are so strong in your faith and your life for God that YOU would certainly be the influencer, as well as your family...
And I started to get a picture of the amazing impact for God you and your family could have on another family (as well as millions of viewers!). As purposeful as your family is in everything you do, I imagine they might match you with a family with no purpose/direction in how they live or even a very negative direction. Anyway, I started to think how God could use all this and... I recant! I think it could really be great, and you SHOULD consider it and of course pray!
Please forgive any smutty smut I mentioned before! What was I thinking?
Posted by: Stacie | April 27, 2006 9:27 AM
Barbara, I feel utterly confident in your ability to take this on. And in God's ability to guide and protect you. And mostly in His ability to BE GLORIFIED regardless of what anyone says or does.
I'm rooting for you! You must keep us posted!
Posted by: Shannon from Rocks in my Dryer | April 27, 2006 9:37 AM
I know my comment may not make sense to some but I do think you will get the jist and know what I am talking about so I am just going to write it, evan though I can't seem to get the exact words out.
you once mentioned how you were thrilled Maddie did not have to go through the stuff we went through (well, you said you but since I veered from God's path I added the "we" part). This would surely show her what life would have been like and give her, and the others, a taste of the "other side".
Do you know what I am trying to say?? I'll blame it on lack of sleep.
PS, congrats on your size 16!! I am VERY impressed and mentioned your weight loss to one of the other girls who came to hear you speak in Thurmont. She is really impressed! I'm so glad you have so much energy because I SO enjoy you!!
Posted by: JANET | April 27, 2006 10:15 AM
Wow, Mary,those weren't very nice things to say to Barbara!
Barbara, I say go for it! You would be awesome! Your children are old enough, your husband is strong enough and wise enough to not be pushed around...You ARE used to working with many different backgrounds, you have a wide range of experience with children and could bring much to a new household. I'm also thinking you could laugh at strange situations and go with the flow!
I WOULD LOVE TO SEE YOU ON THE SHOW - unless God gives you a definite no!
Posted by: Holly | April 27, 2006 10:32 AM
Actually, if you don't mind, I'd like to comment on the song...heh! Back when I was trying to become an officer in the Air Force, God used that song often as part of His call to me (go figure..."wild blue yonder"?) I never expected it to be what it is/was, and I never expected to be where I am now (a stay at home mom and reservist.)
I used to be a reality show junkie, and if you want to step into the mind of the reality show producers and such, watch Fox Reality Channel (or whatever it's called.) They have "where are they now?" snippets in between commercials that give away how the idea people on these shows think. Might give you another perspective to prepare you. Internet is a good resource, also, of course! Find out what other people's experiences on reality shows were. Even contact the prior "Wife Swap" moms, if that's allowed. Other than that, you sound as if you have a pretty good clue as to the possible outcomes. You're a smart lady and this is very possibly an opportunity from God! Only you will know. Whatever you decide, good luck to you!
Posted by: Stephanie | April 27, 2006 10:58 AM
Hey Barbara, I'd love to see you do this! I've only seen one wifeswap, the one with the Kentucky hunting/spanking/testosterone family swapped with the New Mexico vegetarian/peacenik/sun-staring family.
I imagine they will match you with a very vocal pro-choice family. How would your DS boys handle that? Other than that, wow, would I watch!!!
Posted by: floorplan | April 27, 2006 12:03 PM
Well, if you were on, it would be the first time I'd watch it! Sure would make a lot of good blogging material!
Posted by: Monika | April 27, 2006 12:21 PM
I just get the image of them sending some horrible woman to your family. Maybe a zero population growther who thinks all downs kids should be aborted. Would she say anything to your kids that hurt their feelings?
What about someone who had a problem with drinking? What if she liked to party and took Maddy with her?
So I think something to consider is if Curtis would be able to keep a sufficient eye on the new mom. Would his job allow him to be around enough to prevent any bad behavior?
If you do decide to do this and it sounds like that is how you are leaning, make sure your kids get mentally prepared for the WORST POSSIBLE MOM to enter the house. A partier, a satan worshiper, a zero population growther, maybe an abortion doctor! The possibilities are endless and I think the producers would want to turn the temperature up as much as possible. I hope your kids understand that there are a lot of bad and/or seriously misguided people in the world and one of them might come live at your house for 6 days. Maybe you should talk to them about that, and play out all the hypotheticals like "if this lady wants you to cast a spell what do you do", you know like rehearsing how to say no to drugs.
Maybe I am just way scared because my kids are a lot younger and I know their impressionable minds would absorb like a sponge anything "cool" another mom had to offer. Maybe your kids being older they could handle things much better. Only you know that so I will stop talking now. :)
But one last suggestion, when this is all over I suggest getting a priest in your house with some holy water for a blessing.
You know, just in case the Weird Heathen Mom invites something scarey to live at your house. (maybe my imagination is a little too fruitful).
Posted by: paigeu | April 27, 2006 12:30 PM
Adultery doesn't just occur when sex is in the picture. God requires you to submit to *your* own husband. The idea of switching places with the wife of some other mans youth is completly out of place for a Christian woman and you should have no part of it. If my husband told me to "go for it" I would be completely appaled and would consider bringing him before the board of elders for discipline.
I appreciate your writings on the blessings of children, but I am sorely disappointed to see you even considering such things and must say I will probably not be returning to your blog.
Posted by: Nickey | April 27, 2006 1:21 PM
I would love to see you do it. Six days? What an adventure!
Posted by: Mel | April 27, 2006 1:58 PM
As I read each of your points today I am in total agreement with you!
This question: should you do the show because you are a Christian or should you NOT do the show because you are a Christian, I believe, it at the heart of what's going on in a Christian subculture today.
What is the purpose of a believer's life? Is it to create an ideal, insulated environment where our faith can never truly be challenged or lived out? It is to protect our image?
I don't think so. We are to know, accept and believe in Christ. We are to win lost souls!
Greater is He who is in us than he who is in the world. What are we so afraid of? We are children of the one true King!!! If He is for us who can be against us? We have nothing to fear in living out our faith.
I have no doubts that the network would love to make you and your family look a fool. But you know- the word of God never returns void. You and your family will be the word lived out for millions of people to see. The point is not what will people think of you, it is what will people think of Him? If the world mocks you then hey rejoice- great is your reward. We are not here to protect ourselves and get all cozy. We are here to spread the Gospel. I think you have an amazing platform to do this. I would be proud to have you represent the body, girl! Go for it!
BTW- have you thought that it may be your children who reach other children?
God bless you!
Posted by: Jenifer | April 27, 2006 2:11 PM
Barbara--
I've enjoyed many of the things you've presented in your blog. Thanks for writing.
I was approached also, but shied away from it (I've never seen the show). It was interesting to read your point of view. Can't wait to see what you decide! You certainly have a life that will be interesting to watch someone else deal with!
Good luck, whichever way you decide.
Jane
Posted by: Neighbor Jane | April 27, 2006 2:39 PM
I've been reading your blog for a while, although I've never commented before. I've never watched the show all the way through, but I see it as a great opportunity for you to touch a family that you might never otherwise meet. How great would it be for some pro-choice woman to meet your children and see the value of their lives? Or maybe a woman whose teenager hates her gets to see that it doesn't have to be that way?
I think it's at least worth pursuing the idea. You can always back out.
Posted by: Lucy | April 27, 2006 3:55 PM
I did not intend to sound harsh. I will not post any more comments..in fact i am staying away for awhile...the only other thing i will say is dont ask for feedback if you dont want it..everything i said was said with good intentions.
Posted by: mary | April 27, 2006 4:00 PM
Skimmed over the comments a bit - wow - what diverse group of, um, opinions.
My humble one?
Yep. I think you should. You can do this and do it well! Now, if they approached me on doing this show I'd run. ;-D
Posted by: aj | April 27, 2006 4:53 PM
Mary, you were fine. I think the only thing that was surprising was about the money. Don't worry about what you say, if you were thinking it, you should write it. Barbara does seem to like comments and thoughts. I believe it is one reason why she blogs, to get us together and thinking. Do post comments, and do come back!! It's fun for me to see other points of view that I did not think about.
Posted by: janet | April 27, 2006 7:49 PM
There is another Christian large family online that did the wife swap --- they made the decision very prayerfully. I didn't get to see the episode, but they have very mixed feelings about it. Their experience wasn't all that good. It seems that their main problem was not with the other wife/mom, but with the producers.
Personally, I wouldn't do it. But that's just me. I watch the show, and I don't like the way it seems that conflict is encouraged. Personally, I wouldn't want to go as far with the rules change thing as some of the women do, like getting rid of all pets, putting homeschooled kids in school, removing things that are most important to the family, etc. I'm simply too shy and too much of a private person, and also a chicken, to endure the whole thing.
Plus, I'd worry about who they would send to my family.
But that's me. I do know that Christian families have been able to go on the show without compromising their beliefs. I don't think there is something inherently sinful or wrong about being involved.
I didn't realize it was only six days. They always talk about "the second week" and make it sound as if it were two weeks or, at the least, ten days. But then there is other silly stuff they do also --- apparently they pick you up in a limo just for the cameras and then have you transferred to a regular car off-camera.
Barbara, if anyone could do this show well, I think it's you. I'm eager to learn what you decide and to hear about your experience should you do the show --- and I'm sure I'll really enjoy that episode!
Posted by: Rebecca | April 28, 2006 12:18 PM
