April 27, 2006 3:36 PM
Wife Swap Part 3
Nickey wrote:
Adultery doesn't just occur when sex is in the picture. God requires you to submit to *your* own husband. The idea of switching places with the wife of some other mans youth is completely out of place for a Christian woman and you should have no part of it. If my husband told me to "go for it" I would be completely appalled and would consider bringing him before the board of elders for discipline.
I appreciate your writings on the blessings of children, but I am sorely disappointed to see you even considering such things and must say I will probably not be returning to your blog.
Isn't that amazing? A Christian woman who would judge someone so harshly that she would never return just because of what I am considering. That is so amazing to me - that someone can miss the whole point of the Gospel and judge others as inferior Christians - or possibly unsaved? - and shun them. This is the saddest fringe of the Christian community and the one least likely to carry Christ's message. If Nickey feels this way about me, imagine how she feels about those walking in darkness.
I feel so differently! My favorite scripture is 2 Corinthians 18-21:
So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin[a] for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.
(my emphasis)
Don't you love those verses? And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. And I love that not only did we get the mandate verbally, but Jesus actually showed us how to live out our lives doing just that! He would not have prejudged and avoided people because of their moral condition. He said he came for the sick, not the healthy. And I love Casting Crowns' lyrics:
If We Are the Body(again, my emphasis)It's crowded in worship today
As she slips in
Trying to fade into the faces
The girls' teasing laughter is carrying farther than they know
Farther than they knowCHORUS
But if we are the Body
Why aren't His arms reaching?
Why aren't His hands healing?
Why aren't His words teaching?
And if we are the Body
Why aren't His feet going?
Why is His love not showing them there is a way?
There is a wayA traveler is far away from home
He sheds his coat
And quietly sinks into the back row
The weight of their judgmental glances tells him that his chances
Are better out on the roadCHORUS
But if we are the Body
Why aren’t His arms reaching?
Why aren’t His hands healing?
Why aren’t His words teaching?
And if we are the Body
Why aren’t His feet going?
Why is His love not showing them there is a way?Jesus paid much too high a price
For us to pick and choose who should come
And we are the Body of Christ
Chorus (2x)
If we are the body
Why aren’t His arms reaching?
Why aren’t His hands healing?
Why aren’t His words teaching?
And if we are the body
Why aren’t His feet going?
Why is His love not showing them there is a way
I can see where this would end up if I agreed to be on the show: As the time approached, I would probably be more and more loathe to go through with it. And it would become an obedience issue - as well as a trust and faith issue. I have always been grateful that I did not become a Christian through a church. There is no confusion in my mind about whom I am following. And after one terrible, horrible experience with a legalistic cult-like church, I steer clear of churches where people speak in threatening tones of hauling someone before the elders for discipline. That's part of the stuff Jesus came to save us from. We are joint heirs (Romans 8:17) and we are each responsible for working out our salvation (Philippians 2:12-13).
As Jenifer said in her comment:
This question: should you do the show because you are a Christian or should you NOT do the show because you are a Christian, I believe, it at the heart of what's going on in a Christian subculture today.What is the purpose of a believer's life? Is it to create an ideal, insulated environment where our faith can never truly be challenged or lived out? It is to protect our image?
I don't think so. We are to know, accept and believe in Christ. We are to win lost souls!
Greater is He who is in us than he who is in the world. What are we so afraid of? We are children of the one true King!!! If He is for us who can be against us? We have nothing to fear in living out our faith.
I have no doubts that the network would love to make you and your family look a fool. But you know- the word of God never returns void. You and your family will be the word lived out for millions of people to see. The point is not what will people think of you, it is what will people think of Him? If the world mocks you then hey rejoice- great is your reward. We are not here to protect ourselves and get all cozy. We are here to spread the Gospel. I think you have an amazing platform to do this. I would be proud to have you represent the body, girl! Go for it!
BTW- have you thought that it may be your children who reach other children?
Yes, I do think about that! And as many readers suggested, they may match me against a pro-abortion person who thinks Down syndrome babies should be aborted. How wonderful to think that she would live with my sons for six days - under the constant care of others at home too. Yes, she might see that their lives are worthy even though they are different. And they are so innocent that they would never pick up the abstract ideas she might come in with.
In fact, I was talking to a friend of mine with a little girl Justin's age (six today, btw!) who has Down syndrome also. They go to school together and also play together every Thursday afternoon. The mom is not a believer, but we discussed how wonderful it would be to have that kind of exposure on national television. Neither of us could remember an episode (though I haven't seen that many) with a child with disabilities.
So there are really a lot of interesting possibilities. It would definitely be difficult and push me out of my comfort zone, but in the 19 years I've been a Christian I've never minded when God pushed me out of my comfort zone. My goodness! To think of the wretched life I had before knowing him, I can't imagine saying no to whatever is required of me.
Posted in Culture, Family, Religion | Permalink
Comments
*unhappy sigh* Barbara, I'm sorry you received such an unfair accusation. I know I don't need to tell you that you answer to the Holy Spirit, not to any of us. Thank you for handling yourself with such love and grace--your reaction teaches me much about Christ's love.
Posted by: Shannon from Rocks in my Dryer | April 27, 2006 4:39 PM
Living with another family for 6 days is adultery? Or just living in another family without your own husband present? Or their wife present? I am so confused.
Doing something against your husband wishes causes unnecessary grief in a relationship. The whole authority rule is just good common sense. We should submit to each others authority in marriage (unless one of us is being a moron and trying to get us to do something immoral or illegal), but I have never heard of it taken so far. Is she saying a wife should never be without her husbands shepharding guidance? Is she implying that there is something sexual implied by just sharing the same roof with another man?
What the heck is she talking about?
Anyway, this post reminded me of a sermon I was listening to on EWTN. Father Groechel is an older priest who was talking about going to heaven and facing the judgement. He said that he is less worried about what God will say about the sins he did commit than he is about all the things he SHOULD have done, but didn't.
I know a lot of times I and my fellow christian friends think we are in the clear if we are scrupulous about sin and avoid as many situations as possible that would challenge us in any way. But that isn't necessarily avoiding sin because God has a plan for our life and if we don't live it we will hear about it at our judgement. It won't be a pleasant experiance even if we do make it into the pearly gates despite it.
Posted by: paigeu | April 27, 2006 6:30 PM
I'm sorry too that you would be judged so harshly over what seems to be thoughtful and prayerful consideration for another leg of your great adventure.
Honestly, I'd much rather spend time with the "sinners" than a "sister" who would judge her own family so harshly. IMHO God alone can judge all we can do is be Christ-like and given His ministry here on Earth, he probably would go for it.
One of my girls recently almost apologized over the fact that her friend who stopped by was "gay". Why should she apologize I wondered. I reminded her that God loves that young man as much as me and that judgement was God's alone. My job was to love this friend of hers as much as any other friend who crosses our threshold because I certainly wasn't going to reflect God's love by damning them for God. Nor would their friend ever consider that maybe what is a part of our lives is something he needed if I condemned.
It would be nice to see differently abled children get some positive media exposure. Then maybe the general public wouldn't regard them with fear or loathing when they encounter them. Nothing broke my heart more (and still does) when people would look at my son like he was a freak or broken because he was 1/2 the size of his peers, or see his now gone feeding tube sticking out of his belly, or hear his wispy, frail cry or raspy voice from the paralyzed vocal cord he will always have. If only they could feel what he feels when they judge him that way and if only they could stop one moment and enjoy his heart, his curiosity and his joy.
You follow where God leads as you have always done and I have no doubt you will be blessed.
Take care.
Posted by: laura | April 27, 2006 6:50 PM
Having read all the posts, and comments, this lurker thinks it sounds like an amazing opportunity. I am sure you are, and will continue to, pray about it and with Him will make the right decision. This has the potential to be an amazing experience for all involved.
Posted by: sam | April 27, 2006 8:47 PM
If you believe that God will shield your children from any negative influence the mom you trade places with will undoubtedly bring into your home, then this sounds like it could be a wonderful opportunity.
By & large Christians on this show (I'm a devoted watcher) are portrayed in the most negative possible light. I think I've seen one, maybe two Christian families/moms who did not make me cringe & shake my head in disgust (yes, I know editing makes things appear worse than reality) due to the attitudes they espouse and the awful things that come out of their mouth, plus the incredibly rigid & narrow-minded lifestyle they are shown to portray. Barbara, I suspect you would be a third Christian mom who would cause me to feel pleasure at sharing the same faith!
If you believe that the Lord is whispering for you to "go for it", then I truly look forward to your episode!
Posted by: Tulip | April 27, 2006 9:28 PM
Having commented on your earlier post, and expressing concern for your DS children, and then reading about how your other children would protect and look after them, I feel ashamed for assuming they would be hurt in some way by a 'stranger' Mom.
Okay, having said that, I want to tell you that your graciousness is shining brightly. Yes, by all means, follow where God is leading you. His ways are NOT our ways - ever! Thank you for reminding me that God is in control, and what He requires of one person, may look "not right" to another. Thank you for being so honest and, yes, gracious, in handling all of the comments you have received.
Posted by: Kathy | April 27, 2006 9:37 PM
i'm really pleased you're at least considering this. the opportunity for ministry is so great, i'd hate to see the idea be dismissed prematurely. way to go!
Posted by: HolyMama! | April 28, 2006 1:01 AM
Barb, I have watched Wife Swap numerous times and have always enjoyed seeing how families dealt with one another and the changes that were made as a result of being exposed to a different way of thinking. There are those who don't like the way that the Christians have been portrayed on this program, but to tell you the truth, some of those folks seemed really uptight and self-righteous. I'll never forget the time the southern Baptist type woman went to a home of musicians and assumed that because they were a lot more loosey goosey and bohemian in their lifestyle that they were complete and utter pagans. Imagine the shock on her face when they had friends over for a meal and they asked the Lord's blessing on the food!
I think I would really love to see you on this show and watch you interact with a new family. It would also be amazing to see how a different mom would interact with your kids. I think you would be a real credit to the Kingdom no matter which way they edited the show.
Posted by: Cheryl (Reformed Muser) | April 28, 2006 1:50 AM
I am going against the grain here but I understand where the Nickey is coming from. There is scripture about bringing someone before the elders when we are not following scripture, and to Nickey this situation warrants it. It is very unfair of people who are liberal minded to scream legalism or whatever because they do not believe a certain way. I did not find ANYTHING that she said without scripture to back her up. A lot of the readers here are very much on the liberal side of Christianity (I know the issue with End Of The Spear made me realize this quickly!) so of course they are going to stand behind you Mrs. Curtis. I too have separated myself from people who are really different than myself, not because I am better than them but because the Bible says not to be unequally yoked. All it does is cause problems and as usual, the more conservative of the two usually is stoned to death, if only in words. Even though I greatly disagree with Mrs. Curtis on many of her beliefs, I come here to have a smile or laugh because of some the postings are good. But I admit that there are times that I know that perhaps I shouldn't come here because I don't find some of her Christian beliefs to be sound.
To be honest, I think I am going to write a post on this on my own blog. There are two sets of thinking here. I understand that we are to love our neighbor, and I try to do that; but then there are others who forget everything the Bible says EXCEPT love your neighbor as yourself. There is a balance and more and more these days I am seeing believers who only follow the latter because it makes life easier for them. The Bible says to not be of the world but often times we are very much of the world, desire to be and will completely ignore the rest of the Word because of the fact that we want to be.
Posted by: Mrs. DMG | April 28, 2006 9:44 AM
I think you and your family would be wonderful on that show- I would enjoy a chance to get to know you better in that way too! :) I also agree that with your personality and life experience that some of the previous negative portrayals of Christians on the show would be avoided. I am happy that they are actually contacting someone like you to be on that show.
Also, in terms of your large family, I think that for shows like this it is almost better for large families participate. That way when the mom is with the other family, there is still a broad base of support for the more needy or younger members of the family other than just the dad. So I like seeing larger families on this show.
I am sure you are prayerfully considering this, but I hope that you & your family decide to participate! :)
Posted by: Elizabeth | April 28, 2006 9:53 AM
Barbara, I am a longtime reader of your blog, since nearly the beginning. If ANYONE in America should represent Christian motherhood on a show like "Wife Swap", it is you.
There are rooftop Christians, who are so busy looking up they can't see the needs of others, especially the unsaved. I agree with the woman who wrote (perhaps on another thread) that the word of God will never come back void. It is living and powerful. You may not only impact the family you visit, you could impact the camerman, the producers, the mailman at the new house, and the viewers, the flight attendant on your way to the show.
If you do it, you have my support and prayers.
Oh, and from the episodes of "Wife Swap" I've seen, the woman does not "submit" to another husband in the slightest. It is more of a mommy swap. I agree Christians have been portrayed negatively, but I find it hard to believe some of those "Christians" are actually Christians...or they would have acted more Christian. You CANNOT edit Truth away.
Posted by: mopsy | April 28, 2006 10:18 AM
I commend you on mulling over this with prayer and lots of thoughts, that is so good that you aren't just hopping into this thoughtlessly. I say, that if your husband supports you, go for it. What a great way to share your story with the people! What a great way to share the gospel!! Pray pray pray!!
~Hugs,
Becky
Posted by: B | April 28, 2006 10:40 AM
Barbara,
WHAT GREATER PLACE TO SHINE--than in the dark! Sometimes, Christians take the easy-chair approach to spreading the gospel. Thankfully, our Lord and Savior did not do this! If we only shine where others share the light--who will we ever be a model or witness to? If we only shine where we find like-mindedness; how will we ever be obedient to the great commission?
While going on Wife-swap may not be my calling (or your commenters calling)--who are we to suggest that you are not being prompted by the Holy Spirit for reasons that are beyond our comprehension!!!!
Good grief! It's not like you are a proponent of adultery!!!! Jesus, himself, walked into areas that others felt he did not belong. If he hadn't--we would still be lost.
I am so glad to have found your blog--and to have been found by the One who created me, loved me, and sacrificed so much for my eternal blessings. Jesus didn't provide this to the world in a standard, generally accepted manner! He was radically different from what was expected of a reigning Messiah. Should you decide to embark on this journey--maybe we all will just sit in front of our TV's and watch (with pride) our radical blogging friend....reaching out!
God Bless you--whatever decision you make. I pray your heart was not wounded by the arrow you received. Jesus is not about legalism...he is all about GRACE. That may be what the commentor missed--while she has every right to her convictions......we must all extend grace to others as we have so deeply benefited from the grace extended to us!
Contrary to differing opinions, I WILL be back!
:) Diane
Posted by: Diane | April 28, 2006 11:10 AM
I haven't time to read the comments on this post, but have on the others, so I'm sorry if this question has been raised already - Barbara, would you entertain the idea of trading homes with another woman for a week if it weren't for TV? Just a thought that has been bouncing through my head. I don't know that I captured it as well as it has been bouncing, but I hope it was clear enough. I'll be back, I have to try to catch that running train.........
Posted by: mrs.s. | April 28, 2006 11:49 AM
Barbara, thank you so much for this post, and especially for sharing the passage from 2 Corinthians. That is truly the essence of the gospel.
Recently I have been pondering that same passage, due a conflict that I'm aware of between some Christian brothers. I was telling my husband that I had confidence that these men's love for Jesus would enable them to heal this conflict. After all, God is in the business of reconciliation. It's what Jesus is all about. I believe strongly that nothing delights our Father more --- or brings Him more glory --- than when we are reconciled to Him and to each other.
How sad that so many Christians believe that God is pleased by the very opposite.
Posted by: Rebecca | April 28, 2006 1:01 PM
I think it's a great idea for you to do wife swap. My husband brought up the only point I would be concerned about if I chose to do the show:
We have seen wife swap before, and have seen how they portray different persepectives. My only concern as a Christian would be how they choose to edit footage and represent your actions, and what you believe accurately. You wouldn't want them to make you look like a "stupid Christian", or foolish in front of a national audiance. I am not saying they will do this, but I have seen them do this ona few occasions.
Be sure to let us know if you go on the show and WHEN it airs so we can watch you in action!
Posted by: Kristina | April 28, 2006 10:07 PM
In response to Mrs DMG. Not all readers are liberal Christians, possibly more liberal than yourself. I am very much a conservative Christian.
Posted by: Kristina | April 28, 2006 10:22 PM
I agree that it sounds like an opportunity. And I think that Christian bloggers of all stripes should agree to pray you through it if you choose to pursue the opportunity.
Posted by: Sherry | April 28, 2006 11:19 PM
I think regardless of what you are representing when you go on, they (tv producers) will bend, twist, and edit what you and your family say and do into "good" tv as judged by their target audience. They do their best to remove Jesus.
I don't know if I would open my family up to the influence of the other lady...especially having children at home. My calling is to my husband and then to my children as a Christian woman, not leaving them with the influence of someone else to be on TV.
Posted by: Jamie | April 29, 2006 12:00 AM
