May 1, 2006 8:29 AM
The other side of motherhood
It is always amazing to me to learn the things that other moms have walked through.
As I've written before (see About that Extra Chromosome. . .), when Jonny was born and I could see he had Down syndrome, my first thought was that God must love me very much. And I was actually excited about the opportunity and privilege of raising him. I can't take credit for that - somehow God had prepared my heart.
But what threw me for a loop was the downward spiral as doctors began to find things wrong with his little body which required immediate transfusions and surgery - the weeks that followed in NICU (that's newborn intensive care), and the many surgeries and hospitalizations which continued for 14 months before every problem had been revealed and addressed.
During those hospital stays I met so many babies and their families. Many were babies you never run into because their mothers are too overwhelmed with meeting their needs or too traumatized by physical differences to take them on outings. Many are babies or children whose parents give up on them, or are too distracted to adequately care for them. They lie in their hospital beds alone - dependent on the nurses to meet their needs.
That period of time was a wake-up call for me. I'd been a Christian for six years and I thought I had compassion. But I never knew what compassion was because I'd been living in my insulated Christian world, basking in the joy of being liberated from my previous bondage and pretty oblivious to the profoundly difficult things many people go through. It was just the beginning of the many ways in which God would use Jonny to change my life.
I'm remembering this this morning because of two pictures Laura from Adventures in Juggling sent me. They really speak to me. I thought you'd like to see them too:
Laura writes: Daniel and daddy's hands: Daniel was 2 months old and weighed exactly 2 lbs when this picture was taken
Laura writes: Daniel and daddy's hands today. Daniel is now 4 years old and weighs 30 lbs.
I remember once talking to a youth pastor at our first church. He and his wife had had two lovely girls and their lives were absolutely perfect. He confided in me how he knew that someday something would happen to challenge their happiness and that filled him with dread. Many years have passed since that conversation, and I know that he and his wife did go on to experience challenges and to have the privilege of learning to walk through the valleys with their hands in God's.
Sometimes I meet people who are older and have somehow never experienced the challenges others of us have faced. My initial response is "How unfair" thinking that their lives have been more blessed than mine. But then I reflect that my life has been blessed through adversity and I am grateful for all that has been sent my way. In Daniel's hand, beginning so tiny and helpless and growing slowly and surely in his father's loving and protective hand, I see my own relationship with my Heavenly Father.
Having been through adversities gives one a confidence and freedom from fear that just can't be attained any other way. This morning I'm giving thanks for all I've experienced - good and bad.
For more thoughts on this see Giving Thanks for All I Never Had.
For more information on Down syndrome, use the google in my right sidebar.
And for more about Laura and her family, see Adventures in Juggling
Posted in Disabilities, Family, Mothering | Permalink
Comments
That was a beautiful analogy of the hands and your relationship to God. Thank you for a touching post.
Posted by: Damselfly | May 1, 2006 11:28 AM
While my husband was in seminary, we had our first child. He was born with a very serious heart defect and went into heart failure over the course of several months. His condition all culminated with open heart surgery at 7 months old. I have never experienced the peace that passes all understanding as I did during that time. Right before his surgery our pastor said this, "As Christians we never move past the cross, we move deeper into it." I found that so true during that time. My son's "defect" was one of the best things that has ever in my Christian walk.
Posted by: Anna | May 1, 2006 12:54 PM
Thank you Barbara. Your words really spoke to me. My Pastor says something similar—he says the most boring people are the ones who never experience hardship in life, but the most interesting people, the people who you really want to know and have the most to offer are the ones who have come through adversity and have a depth of character that couldn't be gained any other way.
Posted by: Joy | May 1, 2006 12:56 PM
You rock, Barbara...!
Love how you look at it. I have three gifts from God, my kids, and they're all "special" each in a different way. People often ask me, "Are they adopted?" when I reply that they are indeed my biological children, I have dealt with SHOCK that I would keep having kids KNOWING that something could be "wrong" with them. I've never thought my children were WRONG. I am never sorry that they are here.
My dad once told me that not everyone is cut out for this job (mothering special kids). Ain't that the truth! I believe that I was CHOSEN by God to lead my kids' on their path. I am so blessed!!
With love in Christ,
Suzanne
(who is now all teary eyed)
http://suzannebalvanz.blogspot.com/
Posted by: Suzanne Balvanz | May 1, 2006 1:13 PM
How beautiful!
your analogy about our being in our Father's hands like Daniel is in his daddy's is so beautiful!
of course I think those hands are beautiful too! ;)
Posted by: laura | May 1, 2006 11:19 PM
I was just passing through and saw the picture of your child's tiny hand and it made me cry! My son was born 3 months premature 14 years ago and I often tell him about how tiny his hands were. I was so young and distraught at the time that I didn't get any pictures of him at that time. I hope you don't mind but I copied the picture to keep as a visual reminder of how small he was and how lucky I am to still have him. Thank you and God bless you!
Posted by: kelly | May 3, 2006 12:33 PM
