June 2, 2006 6:02 AM
Infertility
I am so sorry about the turns taken in the comments to my post Why I am Pro-Life. Sorry that my response to women struggling with infertility may have seemed harsh - it is easy to read tones of voice and facial expressions into words on a screen that weren't really there when they were written.
I thank my good friend Holly at Choosing Home for her gracious post Fertility, Infertility and Sisters in Christ. Please know that I share her sentiments one hundred percent.
I am sorry I didn't take the time to express myself more carefully. And I appreciate hearing from you all when I don't.
Posted in Big families, Mothering, Pro-Life Issues | Permalink
Comments
Barbara:
You did a fine job! Your readers have an obligation too. You expressed repeatedly your intent. Repeatedly some chose to read from a wounded perspective. It happens that way when facing the deepest hurt known to a woman, infertility. Infertilty is inconsolable to some people. It was for me. No matter how people tried to sensitively address the subject, the bitterness nuked any compassion. God bless you!
Posted by: KSMilkmaid | June 2, 2006 8:54 AM
I didn't think you were harsh, Barbara. (hug!) I just didn't want women who struggle to feel so...inferior....from fertile women like me! Thanks for the link.
Posted by: Holly | June 2, 2006 8:59 AM
I agree with KSMilkmaid. I am not sure what you could have said any differently other than not posted it at all. And honestly, that is not fair to those of us who want to hear what your thoughts are about things like this.
Being a child of abuse, I sometimes can't handle it when people talk of such things but I don't expect anyone NOT to talk about it. Some things need to be address so others can grow from it. Your post may have pricked someones heart about using birth control, therefore saving a child's life. That is the bottom line here.
Posted by: Mrs. DMG | June 2, 2006 12:01 PM
"I do not regard birth control as a sin as I do not regard lack of tithing as a sin. I regard it as a faith issue." This was an EXCELLENT point you made in one of your comments, Barbara! I've not thought of it in those terms before. That will help me explain my totally pro-life position to my friends.
My husband and I have been on that faith journey this year as we felt God leading us to stop using any form of birth control and trust Him for the timing of our first child (she's due in October!). And we're exciting about His bringing number two (and and three and four, etc...) along in His time as well, including the ones we hope to adopt! Your whole post was really encouraging to me.
I also have considered converting to Catholocism (from our run of the mill evangelical church) because of the pro-life stance of the Catholic Church and the Church teachings on children. I've thought about going to a Reformed church as well, even though I would differ theologically in some areas, because most of the like-minded pro-life, pro-children believers I've encountered are either Catholic or Reformed.
Posted by: miller_schloss | June 2, 2006 2:48 PM
As someone just accepting that just maybe I could be not as fertile as I'd like to be (cos that sounds so much less final than I'm never going to have more than one baby....) I can't see how you could have said what you said any more clearly. I don't think it sounded like you were poking at those of us who would like more but can't but maybe I'm just a different point on that journey.
Posted by: t-bird | June 2, 2006 4:36 PM
Well thanks, you all.
My apology is only for not taking the time to explain in sweeter terms. I still think it's not appropriate for people to get hurt feelings because their situation is different than others. What if moms of kids with disabilities got upset when people discussed the milestones their "normal" kids were making? Or a person without limbs wanted to remind those talking of the joy of sports or dancing that they should feel compassion for him because he couldn't?
Compassion should be our default position. No one deserves to be accused of being heartless and cruel because we discuss the joys - and trials - of having lots of children.
Posted by: barbaracurtis | June 2, 2006 6:21 PM
