June 2, 2006 7:26 AM
Mommy Contest
As a lead-up to this itty-bitty contest, I want to share this excerpt from Lord, Please Meet Me in the Laundry Room:
I’ll never forget the first time we forgot a child. It was Sunday morning – eight kids then as I remember – and we scurrying to get to church on time. When you’re a big family and you attend a crowded church, you must arrive early if you all want to sit together. Tripp and I had a fallback when things were rushed: one of us would leave with whatever kids were ready and save seats for the stragglers who came later. Sometimes though, even the first shift couldn’t make it in time to find ten seats.
That’s what happened this particular Sunday. Arriving later, and seeing Tripp and his group of kids were squeezed in with no room to spare, I settled my group in the only spot available – on the other side of the church. We sang, prayed, listened to readings. Then all of a sudden I got a creepy feeling.
I stared across the church at the side of Tripp’s head, trying to generate a laser beam which would make him turn and look at me. Finally he did.
“Where’s Zach?†I mouthed, exaggerating with my lips so he could read them.
I could see him counting heads. Then making a dash for the door. Finally he came and crouched beside my folding chair to let me know eight-year-old Zach was home alone, reading. I was surprised, but not surprised. So typical of our budding genius – to wrap himself in a book and let the world spin on without him.
From that moment on, I completely understood how the little guy in Home Alone got left alone. And unfortunately, I can’t say it was the last time something like that happened. As our family grew and some of the teens had other plans, more often than not we’d end up taking two or even three vehicles to church. No matter how careful I was never to leave someone home alone again, in the flurry of stuffing everyone into car seats and seatbelts after church, once in a while someone got left at church. Then we’d get a call from a call and have to drive back, completely embarrassed at our less-than-perfect parenting once again waving like a banner in the breeze for all to see.I’ve had the experience of why-did-you-have-so-many-kids-if-you-couldn’t-keep-track-of-them neighbors bringing back wandering kids, as well as the unpleasant surprise of arriving at church to find my three-year-old barefoot in the backseat because I’d asked big brother to put him in and big brother hadn’t noticed. Only one way to handle it – carry him into Sunday School and act like it’s just a slight oversight – even though I’ve never ever seen a barefoot child in Sunday School before.
But it’s not just my kids that bring out the less-than-perfect mother in me. For whether it comes to sending in something I’ve been asked to send in or remembering to bring home my own stuff – on either side of the equation, I’ve lost track of bottles, diapers, wipes, lunches, juice boxes, milk money. You name it, I’ve forgotten it.
I’ve had months when the emergency room has been like a second home. I’ve had the fire engines at my house to remove Madeleine’s six-month-old finger from the teensy hole of a bell where she’d gotten it stuck, also to turn off the fireplace gas when I turned it on with no results and then couldn’t remember which way was off and which was on.
I’ve gone to potlucks empty-handed because I didn’t have time to make or even buy anything, but was so desperate for adult conversation I’d go and risk judgment. I’ve put my own houseplants on suicide watch. I’ve put writing before housework. I’ve gone days sometimes without sweeping my kitchen floor, shamelessly rationalizing, “What’s the use? It’ll be dirty in an hour anyway.â€
But that’s not the worst. The worst is when I’m asked to write on a parenting topic, and just when I’m in the midst of gathering the most profound insights and serving them up to help someone else do a better job mothering, I start doing worse. Ask me to write about cultivating a good work ethic in kids, and all of a sudden my own kids are balking, lazy slobs. Ask me to write about encouraging words, and all of a sudden my family sounds like the Osbornes. Ask me to write about patience, and I’m guaranteed to lose my temper with my kids.
There, now that that’s off my chest I feel better. I feel better because you need to know that we are in the same boat, you and I. I may have been doing this mothering thing longer – and so have gleaned some wisdom to share – but like you, I’m still learning how to be a better mom one day at a time. I’m still changing diapers, cleaning up messes, trying to get several sets of teeth brushed every night before collapsing completely.
The constant reminders of my imperfection keep me humble – even as I’m writing – and challenge me to practice what I preach.
Now, here's the contest:
I've collected five copies (hardback library copies in great shape) of a book I adore and which is now out of print called Where's Our Mama?.
Want to win one? Use the comment section to share your story of losing and finding a child. No guilt or blame here - just lots of sympathy and grateful hearts for a Heavenly Father that watches over all of us - and has formed each child's heart to believe that his or hers is the best mommy in the world!
Kinda makes you want to live up to it :)
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Comments
My most vivid memory of a lost child was when my younger sister came up missing. Our whole family was at a family reunion about 2 hours from our home and it took place at a community center in the neighborhood that my grandparents lived in. As a matter of fact, it was practically in their backyard and it was common for family to go back and forth during the day.
When it came time to gather up the family (there are six of us), we couldn't find Jennifer anywhere. I was 12 years old and I assumed the worst. I remember going with one of my parents door-to-door asking if the neighbors had seen my sister. As each one replied no they hadn't seen her, I wondered if they were lying and had really kidnapped her - I imagined her tied up in a back room. My fear felt very real.
We went back to my grandparents to learn that Jennifer was found! Oh the relief! I think I was too young to experience such fear! Where had she been? I don't know *how* we missed it but she had gone to sleep in one of the back bedrooms. Grrrr!
:)
Posted by: Becky | June 2, 2006 8:37 AM
Oh, that was my FAVORITE part of your book. It was SO reassuring!
Now....I've made every other parenting mistake in the book...but (thus far) haven't "lost" a child or left one behind. No shoes? Done THAT! for sure! :) Too bad for me...I would have loved one of those books!
Posted by: Holly | June 2, 2006 9:01 AM
We had a brand new puppy dog. One evening at dusk, when I re-entered the house from checking the mail, the puppy slipped out and dashed down the street. The boys immediately ran out the door after her. I called after them, "Don't run more than two houses away. I'll pack up the baby and we'll drive around in the car til we find her." I came inside, dropped the mail, snatched up the baby and jumped in the car. A total of 60 seconds, no more. But when I pulled out of the driveway, I saw my 6-year-old son crying in our front yard. "Adam and Joseph ran off!" he sobbed, and he was right. They were GONE. And it was getting dark. The frantic search for the dog quickly became a more-frantic search for her 8- and 4-year-old owners. My son and I screamed their names from the car windows as we circled our (very large) neighborhood. Five minutes passed (it felt like five hours) and it was almost completely dark. Just as I picked up my cell phone to call 9-1-1, I saw two little blond heads bounding toward my car from the next street over. Flooded with relief (and anger!) I snatched the boys up into the car, unsure as to whether to smother them with kisses or knock their little heads together!! :)
I'm convinced that God allows these things to happen to remind us mothers how much more HE is charge than WE are.
And yes, we got the dog back, too!
Posted by: Shannon @ Rocks in my Dryer | June 2, 2006 9:17 AM
My tale is a bit different.
In 98 I became pregnant with twins and had a very difficult pregnancy. At 25 weeks I gave birth to my son Clay and daughter Callah. They were so tiny, only weighing a bit over 1 pound a peice. After struggling for life for 2 months Callah died from an intestinal infection. I'd lost my little girl. It was very heartbreaking, a pain that I don't wish on any other mother.
But, you know what? After the initial shock and after I had started to heal, I found her again, in my heart. There's not a day that doesn't go by that I don't think or talk to her. I fully have a picture in my head of what she would look like, how lovely she would be at 8, playing with her brother. One day, when I get to heaven, I'll be able to hold her again. But, for now, I'll have to hold on to the Callah that I found again in my heart.
Posted by: Michelle | June 2, 2006 9:25 AM
My worst "losing a child" story happened when I was still a child myself ... I was only seven years old, but for some reason my (alcoholic) parents had left me in charge of my two year old God-brother on a "covered wagon" ride at a dude ranch. Only, being seven, I sure didn't know I was in charge. So when I got bored with the ride, I jumped off. Leaving the baby. Alone.
I remember being VERY confused when I wandered back to our cabin. Alone. And all of a sudden a bunch of VERY ANGRY adults were yelling at me. "How could you leave the baby?" "What's wrong with you?" "I can't believe you, Tara!"
Two lessons: 1) Learned back in 1977 ... Children are precious and I must become much more careful taking care of them; and 2) Now as I look back on this situation as an adult ... NEVER LEAVE CHILDREN IN CHARGE OF CHILDREN UNTIL THEY ARE OLD ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND THE SITUATION (and that the situation is safe).
Now, when I "leave" Sophia Grace (at 2 1/2) with her cousins (at 10 & 11), say, in the church basement at a funeral or family gathering (while I am present but not attending to the girls), I tell the girls, "I know it's fun to play with the baby and I trust you to take care of her. But if you just don't feel like taking care of her any more, No Problem! Just bring her back to me or to Uncle Fred. YOU MAY NOT JUST FORGET ABOUT HER AND WALK AWAY. It is your job to bring her back to a safe adult and I trust you to do that."
And that's exactly what they do.
Thank God.
Posted by: Tara Barthel | June 2, 2006 9:35 AM
Quick story ... more in line with your original question ...
One of my favorite families in the WORLD (Lou & Karen Vowell & Kerry Lou, Kelly, Karla, Clark, Corey & Kayla) left the baby in the CAR in MONTANA in the WINTER when it was like 20 degrees BELOW ZERO.
It was a Wednesday night church night and they were running late. And everyone just bounced out of the car and into the church--assuming that someone else had the baby.
Thankfully, it stayed warm enough in the car, in the bunting, in the blankets, in the car seat. No damage. But OH! It was a scary moment (or so I've been told).
Posted by: Tara Barthel | June 2, 2006 9:38 AM
I too can't tell you a lost story but can say my older neighbors call me the daycare house and the other ones call me mother hen. I always need to know where mine are though i am allowing the 7 year old more independence (I only look through the window) but I can usually tell you where all the kids in the neighborhood are. We had a scare last year of a van driving around almost abducting a child and another one the end of last summer. I jsut don't want to risk it so I will be called mother hen and the day care house happily.
Now, when my boys are older, ask me this same question and I am sure to have a real answer that will knock my socks off!!
Posted by: Janet | June 2, 2006 10:54 AM
When I read that portion of your book, I laughed so hard. We have, er, misplaced a couple kids on occasion under our Big Top. Most of the missing children were quickly discovered and we heaved a sigh of relief that no one noticed and CPS wasn't notified about our inept parenting. One occasion though, I got the whole neighborhood involved before the little darling was located. It was when there were just my 4 goirls. Afte an afternoon nap, I noticed that the youngest, Jodie (age 2) wasn't in her crib. I looked everywhere in our HUGE 900 square foot home but could not locate her. I was certain she wasn't out front as the front door's heavy deadbolt out of her reach was latched. But she could open the back door. I ran out into our backyard calling her name but not finding her anywhere. Then I noticed the gate slightly ajar. Of course I panicked. I ran out front and asked my neighbros outside if they had seen her. No one had. Soon several neighbors were running up and down the street calling her name. My next door neighbor got in his car to drive around the block to look for her. Her oldest sister got on her bike and with friends began to cruise the neighborhood as well. I decided to call my husband and check on the middle two. Now Bill was in on it as he was heading home. He suggested I call the police asap. After hanging up, I decided first I should check the park across the pedestrain bridge over the freeway as we would go there often and she loved it. But I decided it would be quicker to just drive over there. I opened the door that led to our attached garage to get to the car and saw....
the dome light on in the van and a golden head little munchkin sitting in the driver's seat. I opened the door and rushed to her ready to scoop her up in my arms. Oblivious to all the excitement and fear, she looked up at me and proudly announced, "I dribin' mama!" She had no idea of the madness that had transpired over the last 15 minutes or so. She wasn't lost, she was "dribin'"
I felt like the big LOSER mama when I red-faced told everyone the search was off and Jodie had been located....at home, in the garage, dribin' my car.
After that I locked the garage door during our naps.
Posted by: Laura | June 2, 2006 10:54 AM
Well, at the time we only had three children. Number three was Zac who happens to have Down Syndrome. Sunday mornings were a crazy rush because Zac was tube-fed at the time and was on a strict medicine and feeding schedule, and you never knew when he'd pull his tube out and need another bath and all fresh clothes.
This particular Sunday my hubby was feeling awful with the stomach flu and was staying home. I whipped all the kids into their Sunday clothes, fed everyone, did the tube-feeding thing etc. We all hurried out the door and I set Zac down on the floor of the garage in his carseat while I buckled the other two into their own. I fell into my own seat relieved to be on our way at last. My pulse rate finally settled down by the time we pulled into the church parking lot. I parked and my older son said "Mom, where's Zac?". I whipped around and knew immediately that I had left Zac sitting on the floor of the garage by the stairs in his carseat. I started the van and we rushed home. When I arrived at home I pushed the automatic garage door open and saw my husband standing beside Zac shaking his head. He said he was in the bathroom and thought he heard a sound on the other side of the wall in the garage. When he opened the door and looked out, there was Zac sitting contentedly in his seat, alone in the garage. I felt awful but thankful that we discovered it as soon as we did!
Posted by: Beckie | June 2, 2006 10:57 AM
When our third son was 2 years old we were at a church campout which was held at a widerness camp way out in the boonies. One evening after dark my husband was playing guitar and leading singing around the campfire a short distance from the lake. I was in charge of the snack so I went to look after that. Both of us thought the other parent had Son #3. 10 minutes later as I again approached the group I got a knot in the pit of my stomach as I realized they were all wandering around and calling our son's name. I started to walk faster and my heart started thumping. It was when I saw several dark shapes heading out onto the dock calling our son's name that the full realization of what could be hit me. I panicked. I ran blindly around crying, calling for our son, and praying aloud. Those men hadn't even reached the end of the dock when someone began yelling that they had found him. He had followed some other children to a nearby cabin, close to the dock. I don't think I had ever felt so grateful and relieved as I did at that moment when I wrapped him safely in my arms. We have a picture from that day of our precious boy taken just an hour or so before all this happened.Every time I see it I still get emotional when I remember how different it could have turned out. All thanks be to Jesus who never loses track of his (or our) children!
Posted by: Iris | June 2, 2006 11:28 AM
Oh Shannon! I was feeling all weepy just sitting here reading this!
I don't know if this counts as "losing" a child but I will share anyway. When my oldest was only 5, the neighbor boy asked if she could play. I said sure and sent her down in the commons area. She knew the rules and that she is to stay there where Momma can see her. Nicole had been playing nicely for awhile there. I had been checking on her. I went to fold a basket of laundry. When I was done I went to the window and saw she was not in the commons area. I went out to the stairwell to call her and she still didn't show up. I then went downstairs to the neighbor boy's home, and asked his mother if she had seen them. She was a refugee from Bosnia so she didn't speak English well yet and had trouble understanding my concern. When she finally realized what I was saying, she said she had not seen Nicole but her little boy had come in from playing already. I was SO scared! I started calling Nicole, with the help of my friend and searching across the parking lot. Several neighbors said they had not seen her either and started looking with me. By time I reached the other side of the complex here comes Nicole with one of her friends from behind the buildings. I (like Shannon) didn't know whether to hug her or spank her. I snatched her up, spanked her rear end and then hugged and carried her all the way back home, me crying the whole time. That was such a scary time for me. Nicole didn't even realize how much she frightened me either. She now understands but back then she was just being a curious child, like she still is! It was a big lesson for me about not leaving my children out in open spaces to play. Thankfully we have a fence now and Nicole doesn't wander too much:) Anytime our children are "missing" it seems like hours instead of just moments.
Posted by: Mrs. DMG | June 2, 2006 11:58 AM
"Anytime our children are "missing" it seems like hours instead of just moments."
I should clarify something. "Losing" Nicole was the only time this happened. I meant that anytime parents lose a child it seems like hours instead of minutes. Sorry about that!
Posted by: Mrs. DMG | June 2, 2006 12:43 PM
This story has become almost legendary in our family. We literally get requests for "the Buzz Lightyear story." So for your reading pleasure...
My middle son has a very active and vivid imagination. Often, when he was very little, he would get in character, sometimes with an accompanying costume, and for the day would only answer to the name of that person. This is an important detail...
On this particular day, I took a short trip to the mall to pick up a wedding gift for some friends. I had with me, my 4 yr old, my 2 yr old, and the baby in a stroller. The instructions I gave to the boys were to "stay right with mommy, hold onto the stroller." Generally speaking, this usually worked and I never felt the need for a "leash/harness."
While in the coffee shop to purchase a pound of coffee to go with the coffee grinder I selected, I relaxed my "hold onto the stroller" rule. The boys began to play peek-a boo around the half wall that separated the table area from the coffee counter. While I was trying to decide which flavor, my four year old began the patting and pecking that drives mothers to tune out their kids. "ummm, mommmy? mommy? MOMmy? mooommmyy...mom? MOM!" I finally turned to him, a bit exasperated and told him to wait. He replied, "Okaaaay, but this is kinda important." "What is it?" I asked. "Um, I can't find Ian. We were just playing at the wall but now he's gone." "WHAT!?"
Panic stricken, I looked all around the store...under tables, behind shelves, behind the counter/cash register. He really had dissappeared. "How long?" I asked my Nicholas (the 4 yr old). Of course, he had no concept of time, but I knew it couldn't have been more than a minute or two. How far can a two year old go in a few minutes?
We rushed out into the mall area to scan down the corridor both directions and as fate would have it, the mall was hosting a boat show. Very large water craft are not really conducive to seeing in any direction more that a few feet. So there I am, circling yachts like a shark, yelling, "Buzz? BUZZ LIGHTYEAR?! Ian? Buzz!!" I really did not want to leave the center court area, rationalizing that if he wandered off, he couldn't be far...
I spotted a security uniformed person a few storefronts down. By this time (again, not more than 5 minutes total have passed, but it seems like hours) I am nearing hyperventilation. I barrel down the mall towards her, pushing the stroller and dragging my 4 yr old yelling, "Mall Security? Are you with mall security?!"
She replies affirmatively and tells me to calm down. Our exchange went something like this...
"Ma'am. Ma'am, you need to calm down."
"I've LOST my two year old!!! You HAVE to help me find him!!"
"Okay, I can help, but you've got to calm down. Can you describe him for me? What was he wearing, hair color, eye color. etc.?"
I totally was drawing a blank...What WAS he wearing today? TALL?! I don't know!?
My four year old said calmly, "He's about this tall to me (gesturing), his hair is brown, his eyes are blue, and I helped dress him in a stripy shirt and jeans short pants today." He is still the calm rational one in the family. =)
So she walkie talkies a description out over the airwaves as I wait in anticipation. Almost immediately, the reply came. "We have a child matching that description, ask her what the child's name is."
"Ian, Ian Wilbanks." I said breathlessly.
At the same time, at the other end of the walkie talkie connection, they were asking,
"What's your name sweetie?"
The reply, loud and clear.."I BUZZ LIGHTYEAR!!"
Huge sigh of relief, "That's my son! Where is he, can we go get him?"
"They'll bring him to us, we'll need to wait at the elevators."
As the doors opened, my son popped out his "wings" and "flew" out circling the stroller. "I BUZZ LIGHTYEAR, I flyed to the mall mommy!"
Praise the Lord for little old ladies who people watch! He was on the upper level at the opposite end of the mall when they stopped him and took him to a security person.
I went right across the street to Toys R Us and bought one of those dreaded leashes.
Easily the longest 5-7 minutes of my whole life!!
***Sorry this came out so long...=)
Posted by: Phyllis | June 2, 2006 1:10 PM
I would have to say that the scariest moment in our lives happened about a year ago. We were at a huge park sandwiched between the ocean and the freeway, with no fences separating the park from either dangers. We were celebrating the 2nd birthday of our friends' son and it was time to clean up so we could all go home and nap the kids. I was about 7 months pregnant with our second son. There were just a few of us left to do the clean up and my husband thought I was watching our two year old son and I thought he was watching him. The birthday boy's Mommy had gone to lay down in their van because she had a really bad headache and she had taken their baby daughter with her. The older son of theirs was also helping us to pick up.
All of the sudden, I realized that I did not see our son. I started calling him, but he was nowhere in sight. Everyone stopped cleaning and started looking, and we looked for about 5 heart stopping minutes before my husband saw our son's curly blond head bobbing above the top of a slide about a 1/4 mile away from where we were. He immediately took off running and found out that the two year old birthday boy was also with our son. We hadn't even missed him yet, but it was such a blessing to find these boys safe and unharmed when we had really started to think the worst. Praise God for watching our little ones when we can't always be there to protect them.
I continued to beat myself up about this incident for a few days after it happened, with the what ifs and blaming myself. But then I realized that NOTHING BAD HAPPENED. God protected those boys. Sure, something bad could have happened, and I learned that I really need to communicate with my husband about who is watching who. But God took care of us, just like He always has, and it was a real trust building experience for me, because I tend to be a worrywart about my kids and their safety.
Posted by: Kimbrah | June 2, 2006 1:43 PM
About ten months ago my two year old discovered how to unbolt the locks on our doors. One Sunday my husband wasn't feeling very well so we skipped church that morning. Stupid me, I left her in his charge (duh! he's not feeling well!) and ran to the grocery store for some ginger ale, etc. It was only about a 2 minute trip includingthe shopping.
As I pulled into the end of the alley I saw an older couple walking down the alley (it T's off at the end from the other street) holding a toddler.
A toddler with pretty red hair.
A toddler that looked strangely similar (I wasn't very close at that point).
A toddler that was MY toddler!!
I have one of those hear stopping moments, you know the kind where your feet and legs below the knees just go completely numb? I stomp on the brakes and run to my darling baby girl, crying out "What are you doing out of the house? Where's your daddy?" Where's Olivia?" Panicy babbeling. Meantime I'm starting to blubber because I had no idea what had happened and why she was outside with strangers.
The couple had found her wandering down the sidewalk and not knowing who she belonged to decided to cut their morning walk short to take her home and call the police. Poor Portia, she had scrapes all over her knees. She's very stranger shy so I imagined she was pulling away from them and fell down as they were trying to take her with them. (Good girl!)
Fortunately at the time I had a bright yellow Jeep Wrangler which very easy to recognize. So when Portia saw me pull around the corner she said, "Mama!"
They gave her back to me all the while I was thanking them profusely and I still manage to not get their names and address or any detail whatsoever. My mother in law who would have found out every thing from their names and ages to how many kids they had where they were from and what they had for dinner last night is still dumbstruck at my forgetfulness.
This all took place in less than a minute really. However I knew that any second Shawn was going to start having a heart attack when he discovered the door open and Portia gone (also the dogs but they always come back) so I put her in the car (and even bother to buckle her in for the 100 yards of alleyway we'd be travelling) and drive home.
When I pulled up to the garage I heard Shawn at that moment running down the street yelling out Portia's name... He'd just discovered she was gone.
Wow. She'd probably been missing maybe four or five minutes and for half that time we didn't even know it but that was the closest I'd ever had to having an actual panic attack. All after the fact.
We've since installed extra locks high up where she cna't reach. On every door leading outside. Even the one upstairs to the balcony. Just in case.
Posted by: Spring | June 2, 2006 2:47 PM
Oh I am so enjoying the stories! I will admit, Ladies, it makes me feel better! :)
Even though our family is not that big (yet), we still get plenty of negatives comments. They were most frequently coming when our 4th son was born. His brothers were 13 month old twins and a 3 year old. You can imagine the comments...whoa four is enough...don't you know what causes that...you better fix something!
With these echoing in my head, I embraced my full time mothering of 4 boys 3 and under anyway. And what do you know - I LOVED IT! The Lord truly blessed our home and had changed my heart! I loved being home! I thought "I can do this!" That would be the pride before my fall....
That 4th son was just under 2 weeks old...AND I LOST HIM!!! Only a mother that has lost her child knows the panic that grips you! But in my case, I was bouncing between that heart gripping panic and mind boggling stupidity! Where can you lose a 2 week old infant??? I LOST HIM AT HOME!!!
Like others have said, the moments seemed like long minutes...I don't know how long it was...but I found him after running through the entire house...sound asleep and bundled up tight and laying on the 3 year old's bed.
After I realized I hadn't completely lost my mind, I retraced my steps. I was on my way to lay him down in his bassinet in the masterbedroom, but I got sidetracked by one of the twins with an extremely foul smelling diaper. The two 1 year olds were playing on the floor with their 3 year old brother in his room, and the 3 year old wanted that smell cleaned out now! I don't even remember setting down my youngest, but he was asleep and so quiet - I guess I forgot about him for a moment!
Our boys are now 6, 7, 7 and 9 years old. We are so grateful to our Heavenly Father for these four gifts...even if they do tease me occasionally, "Whoa, don't sidetrack Mom!"
Posted by: Heidi | June 2, 2006 3:24 PM
Hello all. I’m a lurker and have greatly been encouraged by finding other mamas out there who are loving and serving their Lord and their families.
Let me start by giving my “stats.†Three blessings so far--all boys, ages 3, 2 and 7 months. Even with ones so little, I must confess to a few times of heart stopping panic when I have lost sight of one at the playground or in a crowded store. And I too know the looks that Barbara wrote about. The looks that say, “What are you thinking to have so many small children since you ________ ,†when a baby screams all through the grocery checkout line, when the 3 year old smashes the 2 year old’s head into the side of the shopping cart, or when I use an exasperated tone after the ten millionth time of telling them, “Don’t touch!†And those are just examples from the grocery store.
Oh, that I may be a light in a dark world--a mama who joyfully does the work that my Lord has granted me that I may radiate peace to a watching world. Not because I am fake, but because I have found contentment in Him and in the ministry to my family.
But back to the point at hand: losing and finding a child. My life is busy. Full. Constant. And perhaps a bit chaotic. When leaving somewhere, I count, “One…two…three. Yep, I have them all. One…two…three.†But the funny thing is that I often still feel that I am leaving someone behind even when I am not, even after counting. “One…two…three. Who am I missing?â€
Perhaps my feeling of uneasiness is God’s little preparation for more little ones that He is going to send my way. Perhaps it is a hole in my heart that is ready to be filled by another new blessing….Or perhaps it is just that I didn’t get much sleep last night and can’t think clearly. :)
Posted by: HHolland | June 2, 2006 3:26 PM
Is it legal to leave a link to my story of losing and finding my daughter? I just posted it a few weeks ago...if not, my apologies and please feel free to delete my comment! :)
http://intent.squarespace.com/journal/2006/4/13/sorrows-borne.html
Posted by: sparrow | June 2, 2006 3:37 PM
Sparrow,
I sent you a note after reading your post. As I said to you in the note, I hope Mrs. Curtis feels that you are worthy of one of the books. By far the best posts yet. It didn't make me laugh but it blessed me twice as much.
Posted by: Mrs. DMG | June 2, 2006 4:16 PM
This subject gets me every time. I'm so terrified of it.
One day a terrible story of a baby who passed away in a car was at the top of the news. A lady in my office was so angry. "Can you BELIEVE that?" she demanded. "How could ANYONE be so STUPID? It's CRIMINAL!"
So many feel that way. Don't they understand that we are on 24/7, most of us, with little to no breaks, often sleep deprived? How can we possibly never make a mistake?
Working in our office, if she made a mistake, maybe the phone would get turned off or an account would be lost. If a mom makes a mistake? That can be deadly. But it's a mistake, that's all.
Reading stories of other women's mishaps makes me feel better!
Posted by: Marie | June 2, 2006 4:32 PM
About a dozen years ago, we had a scare that still gives me chills. We had gone on a vacation to visit my husband’s relatives 1500 miles from where we lived. My children, girls ages 10 and 5 and boys ages 7 and 2, had never traveled before and everything was new and made them a bit nervous. My husband’s aunt and uncle were going to take us to the zoo for the day. It was about a hundred miles away, but worth a day trip. The car we were borrowing had room in the back for four, but when one of those is a car seat, it’s a bit squishy, so my little Loris (age 5) asked if she could ride with Aunt Bea and Uncle Dee. She had done it on a couple of trips before, and I knew they would enjoy her company, but told her to go ask. She (wisely for a five year old) thought that a trip to the bathroom would be in order before a long trip, and did that before asking them. The thought of asking them if she was going with them did not occur to me because I was sure that she had asked and gotten permission to go and had just not told me. Wrong! I went out to tell Aunt Bea and Uncle Dee that we would meet them over at Cousin Caleb’s house where we were going to pick up the zoo tickets. Thankfully, Cousin Caleb only lived about a mile away. We got there and I happened to see Aunt Bea and Uncle Dee’s car there, with no Loris!! I went over and asked where she was. Of course, they had no clue. They knew nothing whatever about her going with them. We drove back to their house post haste (probably too fast) to find a dejected Loris crying on the couch trying to figure out why she didn’t get to go the zoo too. She had come out of the bathroom to see both our cars drive off. She stuck to me like glue the whole rest of the trip. She just graduated from high school and is no longer clingy, although she is content to live at home for college.
Posted by: Diane | June 2, 2006 5:03 PM
That's what I get for not proofreading. I meant a 20 minute trip not a 2 minute one.
*face palm*
Posted by: spring | June 2, 2006 5:06 PM
Love these stories! And appreciate all you moms for sharing them. They really show how vulnerable we are and how dependent on God's mercy and grace.
Kids with Down syndrome have a tendency to wander, and so when my boys used to wander off to a neighbor's house or down the road, I would worry so much that someone would call CPS - I actually went on the Down syndrome message boards and pulled off posts from other moms describing the stunts their kids had pulled (one city kid had actually gotten out of the bathtub and wandered down the street to a record store) so I would be able to explain how "normal" their behavior was. No one can be there 24/7, and yet we are responsible 24/7, like Marie said.
All of us know the panic that bubbles up the moment we lose sight of one of our children in a store.
All of this is a reminder how many narrow escapes we have each day. And how careful we have to be not to assume that someone else is watching one of the children. I know shortly before we moved to northern Virginia four years ago, a family of 12 lost a toddler who was left in an overheated car. Everyone in the family just assumed that someone else had taken her out. The father was tried and convicted and sent to prison. As if his grief wasn't enough punishment!
Community sentiment - fed by the media - was similar to what Marie described: That the family was derelict for having so many children, that losing a child like that was the natural result of their intitial irresponsibility in overproducing. And that the father deserved the maximum punishment.
How I pray that those judging aren't dealt the harsh lesson they deserve for their own self-righteousness. All I could think was there but for the grace of God go I.
Posted by: barbaracurtis | June 2, 2006 6:16 PM
You do know how to finally get us out of lurker status!
We'd gone to a church 4th of July breakfast. Our baby was four months old and our toddler wanted to play on the playground equipment. Since my husband was busy cooking, I set the sleeping baby in his infant seat in the back of my brother-in-law's pick-up not far from the slide and swings. It seemed like a perfect playpen to keep the baby out of the sun and reach of stampeding children.
When it was time to eat, my husband asked me where our baby was. I pointed to where the pick-up had been parked, but it was gone! My brother-in-law had driven to the store a mile away with our baby sliding around in the back of the truck. We chased him down in our car . . . but not until I had ten funerals planned.
Posted by: Neighbor Jane Payne | June 2, 2006 6:24 PM
I've never commented before, but I've been following you for some time! :-) I had to comment here, though! When our third child, a son, was about three he and my husband were with a friend of our family in the pedestrianized area of the downtown section of the city we lived in. I was down the street in a store. The three of them had stopped in a crowd of people to watch a street perfomer do his thing with puppets and music. When I caught up with them a few minutes later I noticed that they didn't have our son. My husband looked around and looked at our friend and said, "I thought he was with you." Our friend said, "I thought he was with YOU!" Without a word the three of us took off in different directions to search for him. You must realize this was a huge city, with huge crowds of people milling about, and I'm sorry to say, not all those people were nice people. I, of course, was terrified. My husband wasn't exactly terrifed, but I haven't seen him move so fast, before or since! I went straight to the police station a few doors down and reported our son as lost. The police immediately put out a call with his description and location he was last seen. Meanwhile our friend and my husband began scouring crowds and stores to try to find him. About ten minutes later, our friend came walking up the street hand in hand with our son. Apparently when they walked away from the street performer, each thinking that the other was keeping an eye on our son, our son didn't notice them leaving. He had immediately become hysterical. Some lady took him into the nearest store and handed him over to the security guard. When our friend found him, the guard was stuffing our son with bubble gum to try to get him to stop crying enough to tell him his name. For three or four years our son would not let go of either me or my husband when we were out in public. He held our hands tightly and if we had to let go of his hand for some reason (to open a door, zip or unzip a purse, etc) he would grab our legs. Our son is now fourteen, and no longer worries about getting lost, but I still think about it, and keep an eye on him in crowds. I guess it's a Mom-thing. I wonder if I'll ever outgrow it?
Posted by: Mariah | June 2, 2006 6:29 PM
Can I just say that Jane's story made me laugh out loud? I know, I shouldn't laugh, but I'm just picturing that sweet little baby sliding around in the back of a truck...poor little thing!
Posted by: Shannon @ Rocks in my Dryer | June 2, 2006 10:06 PM
I lost my son one time and although now it sounds a little nuts, we were living in a apartment that adjoined my parents house. I was home alone with 3 little ones, there were a lot of strangers in town. We were sitting on the floor looking at books and the phone rang, when I answered it I saw out of the corner of my eye, my 2.5 year old slip by me. I told his older brother "go get him" as he was not allowed in the other house. He comes back and says "I can't find him" We searched for over 45 min and no little boy. I am flipping out by this time and when I called the police was gasping for breath.
They found him asleep behind the boots in the closet in my parents house. He had crawled in there to hide from his brother and was so tired he fell right to sleep. It was the scariest thing and really scared me about how fast they disappear
!
Posted by: Martha | June 2, 2006 11:40 PM
I have 4 kids 4 and under, and frequently take care of other people's kids. I have never 'lost' anyone else's child,but I have a few stories of my own being misplaced. Every time on of them is missing, it is the same panic all over again, I never seem to gain any more reasoning and rational from the first time it ever happened, which was in toys r us when my oldest son was two. A friend and I had gone to the store together to look for something for one her kids. I had three of mine with me, and her three, five of which were in/on a shopping cart together, which I was pushing. We had let the kids play with a train table they had set up in the store for a few minutes, but then pulled them all away to finish our shopping. We decided it would be easier for her to run to other side of the store quickly and look for what she needed while I met her there with all the kids. I got half way to where we were supposed to meet when I relaized that my son was missing. I figured he had gone back to the trains, so we headed back to check. No Aaron. We began looking through the aisles nearby, with no luck. Finally I grabbed a store employee and gave them the description of my son. By this time about 5 minutes had passed.She radioed in his descritption and told everyone to search their department for him. One by one the calls came back in over the radio-no missing child in that area. Finally the last one came in, still no missing child. The employee then said some code into the walkie talkie, which I now know was the code to close the store down(that was so no one could get out of the store with him, just in case), and she calmly looked at me and said "Maam, I need you to accompany me to front of the store while we call the police. Your son is not in the store". I freaked out then and started bawling! While the employee tried to calm me down, I heard a voice come over the radio "um, what was the child wearing again?', and after we confirmed his clothing, the voice said "I found him, he's in the breakroom eating doughnuts". To this day I have no idea how on earth he got out of the cart, let alone all the way into the break room, but it was very scary. I too adopted the harness right then and there, and whenever anyone criticizes me for putting my child on a leash, I tell them that story.
Posted by: melanie | June 3, 2006 1:01 PM
I have a "lost" story, written last fall. It's too lengthy to cut and paste here, so I will take page out of sparrow's book and post a link. Hope it's okay.
http://www.lifenut.com/blog/?p=334
Re-reading it brought back the emotions of the moment. Wow, and thank God.
Posted by: mopsy | June 4, 2006 3:01 PM
I am not sure my post is book award worthy lol, but it diffintely hit a humbling mark for this new momma here. This just happened earlier this winter. My husband and I were shopping at the bx at the base when we ran into our british neighbor who also works at the store (we are military living overseas and have chosen to live off base) anyway here we are talking with our neighbor and relating the good news that we are expecting baby #3 on the way! suddenly we turn around and she says, "where's Julia?" I said "hmm, she was just here..." I began browsing through the racks (hey i woud STILL hide in clothes racks if i could! the round ones are the best!) But no, couldn't find her in ANY of the clothes racks. Now i am getting a bit scared. we began calling her name, looking all throughout the section we were in, time passes and I'm wondering if I need to do an Amber alert at a military base!??! By this time we had cuased quite a scene and had other shoppers helping us look. turns out my neighbor spotted her walking towards the electronics section! (she had been "looking for daddy!") *blush* I was so relieved she was okay, but also quite embarrased! "...oh yes we're hoping to welcome as many chidlren as God has planned to bring us.....wait I can't keep track of the two I have!!..." (plus this was the same neighbor that when we moved my husband had unknowlingly locked me inside the house and when neighbor came to call and welcome us to the neighbrhood and country, i had to greet her by LITERALLY hanging out of a screenless living room window! but, alas, that is a compeltely different story...) I was so embarrassed. I remember specifically hitting a new "panic moment" in the car ride home thinking, what am I doing having more?! I can't even handle the two I have!! lol...thank you for your story Barbara. very encouraging to hear stories from other moms, and very very good to hear good endings!
~Kristy in the UK
Baby #3 due on Thanksgiving.
Posted by: Kristy | June 5, 2006 5:48 AM
I just wanted to add that since my girls have both reached walking age (and are so close in age, height and weight to eachother, they are 1 year apart) whenever we take a plane, train, large city trip i dress them exactly alike and in bright bright colors. Reason being if worse should happen and we become seperated I should be able to take the one sister left and say, this is exactly what she is wearing, they will have a complete 3-d model of what they are looking for. my girls are not twins, as i have said, but at least if i am ever so scared my brain fails me this will help description wise.
Posted by: Kristy | June 5, 2006 9:52 AM
Wow, so we are not the only ones!
We have four kids, and they are 11, 7, 4 and 3. So frankly I am surprised it hasn't happened before. My husband is a pastor, and I can so relate to your Sunday mornings. We aren't trying to get seats together, but we both have church responsibilities to attend to, so one of has to show up close to on time to save face :) The other straggles in later with the rest of the kids.
One Sunday morning, we were leaving church--I was going to KFC to pick up lunch for a family whose dad had recently walked out on them while my husband was taking a car-less family home on the church van. We had an extra child with us (we seem to collect those inexplicably). My son was going to ride with my husband, but first he wanted to show our extra child a trick. (She was in the van with me.) He showed her the trick and then I left, assuming that he would get in the van with my husband. What I didn't realize was that in the minute and a half that it took my son to show his trick, my husband forgot he was riding with him and drove away. When I was on my way home from KFC, my husband called in a panic, realizing what had happened. We both raced back to the church, where my son sat smiling on the steps, unharmed and unphased by our neglect.
I am just thankful it was the 11 year old and not the 3 year old that we left! He was level headed and unafraid and could have easily walked the two-tenths of a mile home if he needed to.
~Leslie
Posted by: Leslie | June 6, 2006 4:07 PM
I can feel the panic renew as I recall the middle-of-the-night search for our three year old son. You've heard the expression, "things that go bump in the night;" this was one of those bumps! Startled from a sound sleep at 1:30 a.m. I forced myself out of the warmth of a deep slumber to find out what loud noise had just awakened me. Thinking it may be the nighttime prowling of our house cats, I checked the laundry room where they slept. All three looked at me with a wide-eyed gaze that suggested I had disturbed their royal-cat sleep. I walked throughout the house, checking doors; all were locked and soon decided to check the children's bedrooms. Cats--check, 2 teenagers--check, one three-year-old--ch.....no missing!
I ran to each door to be sure they were locked. Had he ever sleep walked before? Raced to each teen-agers bedrooms, could he have crawled in with either of them? Down to the master bedroom where my husband, unaware, was snoring soundly--no three year old cuddling next to Dad.
My heart panicked as thoughts ran through my mind. I lived in the same town as Jacob Wettlering when he disappeared. I had seen first hand, the personal pain of his abduction; that bad things happen, even in small towns. Where could my three year old be.
Not knowing if I should call the police, I woke my husband; maybe this was just a nightmare. Step by step, he reviewed my path for our lost son. With each step, his waking became more clear and our joint panic became more certain. Soon our teens were searching with us, every light in the house was on, every door checked, every closet searched, every possible scenerio discussed. Our son was gone.
As I picked up the phone in the kitchen to dial 911, I simultaneously prayed while waiting for them to answer. As I looked heavenward out of our living room window, I saw a movement in the drapes behind our living room couch. Was it a cat? Was someone hiding in the house?
Winding the long phone cord towards the movement, I was prepared to report to the police that the intruder had been found. The tears flowed as I pulled the drapes from the floor to discover our three year old was sleeping soundly, behind the living room couch. We tackled that little boy and wept with joy that he had been found. His confusion was as deep as our panic; for after all, he wasn't lost--he was just sleeping.
How I wish for all families of missing children that their "bump in the night" was so easily resolved. All children are priceless; to lose one is a loss to great for any parent. So, we hold them close to our hearts, and thank God each and everyday for the difference they have made in our lives. Though we may lose some sleep from time to time, we are blessed that they have found us; that God chose us to be their parents.
Posted by: DIane | June 7, 2006 12:25 PM
I know the contest is over but I figured if anyone was still reading comments they might enjoy a good laugh at my expense. I have had a few seconds of panic losing sight of a child in a store or something, but it is really bad when you lose someone else's son.
The first time was when I had a home daycare and only two of my own. My eyes darting back and forth watching kids play while talking with a friend and constantly counting heads when all of a sudden I look down and where is baby Matthew?! I go to stand up, about to call my oldest daughter to start helping me search when I realize..... He is in my lap. I didn't even realize he had crawled right up into my lap for his bottle.
The next time my neighbor's kids where playing in the backyard with mine and I went in to check a load of laundry. Came back and asked the kids where's Caleb? We don't know. So I holler his name and am seriously panicking! I see his dad's truck so I go knock on the door and sure enough he saw his dad come home so he went home too. Believe it or not they actually trusted me to watch their son again!
Posted by: Tracy | June 8, 2006 10:05 AM
