July 30, 2006 9:36 AM
Caring for Your Introvert
All you introverts need to read Please, Shush by my daughter Jasmine at Between the Rinse and the Spin Cycle . Jasmine doesn't post often anymore due to a lack of broadband in their new neighborhood, but she just linked to an article called Caring For Your Introvert which ran in the Atlantic Monthly in 2003.
In this wry celebration of introversion, the author makes short shrift of extroverts:
Extroverts are easy for introverts to understand, because extroverts spend so much of their time working out who they are in voluble, and frequently inescapable, interaction with other people. They are as inscrutable as puppy dogs. But the street does not run both ways. Extroverts have little or no grasp of introversion. They assume that company, especially their own, is always welcome.
Whichever side of the fence you're on, you're sure to smile. And say hi to Jasmine, while you're at it!
Comments
LOL! I just did a post about his article last week called "I Like People...In Small Doses." My father sent the article on to me. My mother and father are both introverts, as am I. So is my husband. We all feel very comfortable with each other :) It was such a relief for all of us to read that article and feel like someone else out there understood!
Posted by: amy | July 30, 2006 11:17 AM
Thank you for the link. Not only are both my husband and I introverts but so is our almost 7year old son. Last year for his birthday he wanted to invite his Sunday School friends, everyone from his Kindergarden class and a bunch of family friends. I gulped but said OK. His birthday is August 4th so I figured that most people would be on vacation. When I called for pizza for the party we had 40 kids plus I don't remember how many adults having a wonderful time in our yard. About 1 1/2 hours into the party, just after the pizza but before the Birthday cake our birthday boy disappeared. His brother was playing war with lots of other boys in the fort. His sister was in the bouncer jumping with joy. The baby was happily toddling from the chips to the childrens swimming pool filled with ice and drinks. I checked inside. Still could not find him. I checked outside and then checked inside again. I found him under his desk in his room quietly playing with a transformer. I asked him to join us at the party. His comment was " NO, I'm done." I forced him to come outside for his cake and then let him disappear. The party was suppose to end at 12:30 but when he came back outside about 2 pm we still had guests having fun. Our birthday boy remembers this as a great party but my husband suggested/begged me to have his party this year outside the house this year with a smaller guest list. We will have 11 friends at Chuck E. Cheese this year however the younger sister who is also having a birthday soon and is an extrovert is hoping for a big birthday party just like her brother had last year. UGH!! We are working to convince her to have a princess party just for girls and my husband is hoping it will be during the week so he does not have to be involved.
Posted by: JaneD | July 30, 2006 5:19 PM
That is so true! What a great post. I used to consider myself an extrovert, but I've learned in the past few years that I'm really a closeted introvert. I think it's interesting that you sometimes play a role that isn't the right fit. I was a pretty good extrovert - it just wasn't natural for me.
Posted by: Pass the Torch | July 30, 2006 11:57 PM
This article gave so much insight into our home! I am an introverted Mom of 2 extroverts and wife to another! Talk about "shush please"!:-) And being misunderstood... I am lost in thought constantly and have to make the transition from what's going on in my head to the moment at hand (ie. what my sweet 5 year old is repeating and repeating and repeating...)and it does take a few moments for me to transition sometimes. I don't want my kids to think Mom is always "busy" or annoyed, it's just that I do like the quiet at times.
I love spending time with them, games, reading especially, playing, singing, you name it! But after our "together" times, I'm often trying to get them to each play with a different toy/puzzle/book while Mom is right here beside them, doing her own little QUIET activity. But extroverted kids don't usually get excited about this idea!
Another funny thing, my daughter wonders why she is the only 5 year old she knows of still required to have a nap or quiet time every day. Now we know why!
Posted by: Stacie | July 31, 2006 1:28 AM
Wow, that helped me so much this morning. Now, anyone know of an article/book that deals with how an introverted SAHM Mommy can be a good parent to very extroverted kids?
:)
Posted by: Sarah | July 31, 2006 11:31 AM
Ha ha hahaha:) This was SO timely:) As an introvert and a pastor's wife at a fairly large church I have been struggling lately. It's like being a thick furred sled dog or polar bear in the Kalahari desert. At the same time, my husband and I have seen the aloneness of American christians and people in general and we both feel burdened to be more about "community". I wrote the following in my journal right before I read this post:
"I am a hermit. A hermit who occasionally gets all jovial and goes out into the community for some jollies and then retreats for a long rest before venturing out again. And when I retreat please don’t come poking around my cave unless you’ve been invited! So living in community is a huge stretch and challenge for me. But I am ready to take up the challenge for I fully agree with this:"
“More and more people are alone. Is it not essential, then, to encourage the creation and growth of places of belonging? If these intermediaries between people and society, these schools of the heart, do not exist, people will find it more and more difficult to achieve maturity.â€
-Jean Vanier
Posted by: Keri L | July 31, 2006 12:07 PM
Interesting look at things - I am an extrovert most of the time, but love solitude. I covered this topic in my blog on July 21 entitled, "I am Complex."
Posted by: dawn | July 31, 2006 1:06 PM
