July 29, 2006 8:52 AM
For mothers who need a fresh start
I received an email from a mom who'd just read The Mommy Manual and was feeling broken-hearted because she's realizing she's done a lot of things wrong so far with her kids.
Now I want all of you to listen up! I do not write to make moms feel inadequate or condemned! I write because I did not even begin to start finding my own way as a mom until my oldest daughter was 13. And that was just the beginning of a long journey. That daughter - Samantha Sunshine - today is a strong Christian woman of 36, wife to a godly man and mother of five (getting ready to adopt a baby from Guatemala). Her sister Jasmine Moondance, who was 7 at the time I finally woke up and smelled the spiritual coffee, is also raising a godly family with five little sweeties of her own.
I'm sharing this to let you know that if you are faithful to follow God and to allow him to mold you into the kind of mother he wants you to be, he can certainly make up the difference for the years that came before.
Once you realize there is a better way, it's natural to go through feeling broken. The grieving process is necessary to motivate you to work towards a better future for the rest of your motherhood. But while you need to do some honest soul-searching and allow the Holy Spirit to deal with you about your mistakes, you also need to hang onto God and the hope he gives us. You can do better! It's never too late to do better! And how much better to realize you need to change while you have time to do it, rather than getting to the Empty Nest stage and realizing you blew the whole thing - now that would be painful.
Don't forget what I wrote in The Mommy Manual:
it’s good to have ideals to strive for in bringing up our children.
But we should never let our ideals become sources of bitterness or discouragement when we don’t quite measure up to them.
I share my own ideals not because I carry them out perfectly myself, but because they are like lights shining on a path to keep me headed in the right direction. If I ever thought my words might add more burden to an already-burdened mommy’s life, I’d never write another word.
So promise me, as you read the chapters ahead: Let your ideals lift you up, not bring you down.
And btw, don't look at me and think I've go this down perfectly. I don't. I work on it every day, following Elisabeth Elliot's advice:
Take one thing you're supposed to do and start doing it; take one thing you're not supposed to do and stop doing it. (not her exact words, but the way I remember it.)
That's really a good approach for anyone at any stage of their spiritual journey. In act, lately I've been using it to exhort my kids :)
For more, please read
For Mothers Who Need a Fresh Start Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, and Part 4. Also Mothers in the hands of a merciful God.
But please know that when you start to feel broken about who you've been, that's great news because it means you're ready for God to begin doing great things. I know because I was once a miserable failure and look what God has done with me! Far beyond anything I ever would have imagined.
Not because I deserve it, because I don't.
And you don't either. Still, if you surrender your life completely and live for others instead of yourself, God will do great things - things which will amaze you and those around you, I promise!
Just keep it simple. Starting here, starting now.
Posted in Inspiration, Mothering | Permalink
Comments
Thanks Barbara, for the encouragement. I am a new mom that sometimes feels that I do things wrong but I am so glad that we serve a Savior who loves us anyway.
I have enjoyed reading your post lately. Especially the ones on your weight loss. I hope to be emailing you soon with a loss as well.
Posted by: Kim | July 29, 2006 9:50 AM
Barbara, thank you so much for writing this post! I have wanted to write you for a long time about this very concern. I got your book shortly before my second child was born about a year ago and had only managed to read 50 pages before he came and sleep ended. :-) I have wanted to pick it up again but had been discouraged about what I had already missed with my firstborn. Having experienced a hard childhood like yourself, I so want to give my kids the best! It is hard to give up those perfectionist ways sometimes! Thank you for encouraging all us moms out there. We sure need it!
Posted by: Laurie | July 29, 2006 8:50 PM
thank you for recent crock pot tips. I am working only parttime but i have a 6 yr old and a 9 month old and it is hard to find time to cook a good meal on the stovetop or oven especially after picking up from daycare after working late.
Posted by: heather | July 30, 2006 11:54 AM
