July 19, 2006 12:07 PM
Motherhood and personality types
Sallie at A Gracious Home wrote a piece that got me thinking the other day - so I thought maybe you'd like to think along with me :)
It's about the Personality Types and mothering style. Sallie had come across an article on this subject, which I've never heard anyone address, but often thought of myself. Hmm, which leads me to wonder why I didn't try writing it myself - oh, that's right, I have other things I'm working on. So many articles, so little time!
I'll start by saying right up front that I am an ENTJ, which seems a rarity among blogger/moms - and actually, though there are 16 personality types, ENTJ make up only 5% of the population. Which is a good thing, as you will soon see :).
You Are An ENTJ |
The Executive You are a natural leader - with confidence and strength that inspires others. Driven to succeed, you are always looking for ways to gain, power, knowledge, and expertise. Sometimes you aren't the most considerate person, especially to those who are a bit slow. You are not easily intimidated - and you have a commanding, awe-inspiring presence. You would make a great CEO, entrepreneur, or consultant. |
What you need to know is that this is a personality type that leads to dictators. In fact, it is referred to as Field Marshal. Okay, I know that sounds bad, but I was fortunate to have a pretty yucky encounter in 1990 with a Christian cult leader who had the same personality type. Since then I've applied what I learned from that experience to an intense effort (because everything I do is intense) to root out the most negative aspects of my personality and to learn from other personality types - like my daughter Jasmine, who is opposite of me in many ways - to become a more balanced person. In other words, I have mellowed out considerably.
Still, I am an ENTJ, and my personality type/mothering style is described in the article Sallie read - which I found here - like this:
The Executive Mother (ENTJ): This mom organizes the needs and schedules of the whole family. Within her system, she provides her kids with direction and limits, but also gives them space to develop independence. A problem-solver, she listens to her kids' concerns and then strategizes with them about how to improve the situation — either by intervening on their behalf or letting them do it on their own. Stay-sane tip: You need to realistically examine — and then reject — the myth of the Supermom. Accept your vulnerabilities, and you'll enjoy parenting more.
This is so absolutely true of me! Yet I know it is not true of other moms. My daughter Jasmine, for example (I use her because she is a good example :) has a completely different mothering style than I. I often wish I could be more cuddly and nurturing, but I figure God has different plans for different kids and so he needs different moms to get the job done.
Anyway, if you know your Myers-Briggs type, I'd love to hear if your type and mothering style lines up with you.
This Myers-Briggs stuff is not some far-out weirdness, but a really great tool for understanding your own strengths and weaknesses as well as those of other members of your family. In fact, while the test has its Christian critics, who seem to see it as akin to astrology - other Christians have drawn the connection between understanding your inborn nature and the Christian mandate to improve your character, becoming more balanced and conformed to Christ:
The Use of the Myers/Briggs Instrument in Sanctification of Life and Marriage Relationships.
Psychological Type and Christian Faith
Our whole family has taken the test. The results have not surprised us, but affirmed what God had already shown us about ourselves. Interestingly, Ben (who studies opera) and Maddy (who wants to sing on Broadway) have personality types labeled The Entertainer. In our family (including Tripp, me, 12 kids, 2 sons in law and 10 grandkids (Hattie hadn't married Josh and wasn't here that day)) of those old enough to take the test only a few of us were introverts - which I guess is why our house is always so hectic and noisy.
It has also helped us learn to understand and respect each other without taking differences so personally. As I mentioned, Jasmine and I are almost complete opposite personality types. And while I was late to understand the pressure that put on our realtionship, I truly appreciate now how having a Field Marshal mom could threaten a daughter with a more gentle spirit. Jasmine has also come to enough understanding that she doesn't take our differences personally. We can laugh about some stuff that used to be painful - as when she told me recently how the last time we were at a play and I asked the woman behind us to take her screaming baby out, her stomach knotted up.
Do you see what I mean about how valuable a tool this can be for a mom - learning to understand her own personality and her husband's and her children's - and then asking God for wisdom and guidance in applying that understanding? My conversation with Jasmine was possible because we had some communication tools to help us through it. There's no superior or inferior when it comes to personality types - just God's different designs created for different purposes.
A more serious place to take the test is Human Metrics. And here is a site that offers a much more in-depth analysis of the Myers-Briggs, including portraits of children according to types, strengths and weaknesses and character issues: Lifexplore.
I know this is a lot of information, but I am curious to hear what you think!
Posted in Mothering | Permalink
Comments
Interesting! I took this test some years ago and came up with ENFJ -- sort of similar to you, so either you would like me or wouldn't be able to stay in the same room with me for five minutes! Just joking. Think I'll bookmark the link and take the test again if I have the chance, especially because of the new mothering role that has come into my life recently.
Posted by: Damselfly | July 19, 2006 5:03 PM
I can't remember what i am right now but I wanted to let you know that I laughed out loud when I read about you asking the woman to take her screaming baby out. You must say everything we all want to say. I will be like that someday...
Posted by: janet | July 19, 2006 8:20 PM
isfj
pretty much opposite you and my husband
Posted by: janet | July 19, 2006 8:31 PM
I'm INFP, though it sounds better than I believe myself to be: "The Tuned=In Mother". I totally agree with Sallie's thoughts that introvert mammas do well with infants... But I have a very extroverted daughter and I physically panic wondering if I will help her blossom to be all she's meant to be because of MY own limitations.
A really interesting question would be how these types relate to DIETING >>>> ! I have started and failed so many times, and will most likely NOT "Diet Naked" (HT to Mel)... unlike your Executive Marshal self who has grabbed the challenge by the horns and beat it first time out.
Posted by: floorplan | July 19, 2006 9:47 PM
Interesting stuff! I took a long test for the Myers-Briggs types about 3-4 years ago and I was an INTJ, although I was just barely on the N side. I took the Blogthings quiz you referred to and I was an ISTJ, and I think the ISTJ description offered by Blogthings and the mothering style article sound about right for me. I wonder if I've changed a bit in the past few years and I've nudged a bit over to the sensing side somehow. Perhaps I'll try and take a longer test again sometime soon and see what I come up with.
Posted by: Amber | July 19, 2006 11:07 PM
I'm an INTJ. (Also, not cuddly, much to my chagrin!)
Posted by: Mel | July 20, 2006 1:32 AM
I am ISTJ or what that article calls the super responsible mother. More or less, the description fits though of course I could see some qualities in other types as well. Floorplan, I can see your point--but I think that being aware of our own strengths and limitations can make us better able to deal with that.
Posted by: Barb Szyszkiewicz, sfo | July 20, 2006 9:43 PM
It says I'm a Love of Learning Mother INTP. Well, that is certainly true. I still remember the horribly long wait before my 1st born could start to absorb and understand the world around her. I bought board books voraciously and had over a dozen titles before she was a year old (on a small budget)! I really love babyhood (being an introvert), but am having a lot of fun now in the toddler years (as long as I get my afternoon quiet time) and can't wait to start 'formal' home schooling. So, you could say the types work for me.
I liked the test and style quiz not just to tell me what I already know about myself (though, how DO they know me so well?), but also so I won't feel guilty because I'm not like those other touchy, feely moms and I don't keep a steady schedule. This will also come in handy when I see other moms who don't teach their kids to read til they're 9 or 10 (can't even imagine it) and miss out on other things that are, well, obvious. :)
Posted by: Cheri | July 21, 2006 11:49 AM
I find it fascinating to read up on personality types, learning styles and so forth. It can really help a person understand why they do things the way they do, and how to 'cope' with life in different ways. I also think it's intersting how life can help a person exhibit different characteristics at different times in their lives.
I still find it funny how most everyone I meet thinks that I'm a total extrovert... when really I'm a closet introvert. But I've learned how to "act outside myself" usually for the benefit of others. :)
I like you site. Learned of it through the bloggers of merit awards.
Posted by: Annette | July 21, 2006 12:02 PM
