September 10, 2006 8:09 AM
Another mother in the midst of renewal
In my last post I said I get mail that makes me cry. This was one I received a few days ago. Since the writer gave me permission to share, because I know that it's always exciting to catch a glimpse into the early stages of God at work in someone's life, and because this family could use a lot of prayer as they begin their journey - for all those reasons, I hope you will read this and pray.
Dear Barbara, I recently discovered your website, and I think it's safe to say that it has, over the last week or two, changed my life. My husband and my children have noticed a change in me, but couldn't quite figure it out until I just couldn't keep it all inside anymore. I started talking to my older two about praying, a concept they had not been introduced to even in church. (They watch the grown ups read from the Book of Common Prayer and have no idea why.) I asked my husband how he felt about inviting God into our lives for more than just Sunday mornings. His first reaction was one of fear: was I about to turn into a clone of his "holy roller" sister?
But when I reminded him of our very strange beginning as a couple and as a family, he began to listen to all the thoughts that had been crashing around inside my head. You see, I married in a courthouse ceremony, at the ripe old age of 19. I was a stripper. The man I married in Las Vegas in 1998 was a pagan in every sense of the word, and many of the stereotypes fit him to a tee. I don't know what I was thinking, or even if I was thinking, but if I hadn't married him, I would not have learned so much about what I don't want from life, or marriage, and I wouldn't have my older two children. I was not permitted to go to church, I was expected to celebrate the pagan holidays, and I was expected to continue stripping to support his way of life. When our first child, K__ was born in 2000, I was not permitted to have him baptized, nor was I allowed to have K___ baptized when she was born in 2002. I divorced him in 2001 after he repeatedly cheated on me and gave me and STD, and moved to another city. He followed, convincing me that I was worthless without him and should thank him for being willing to take me back. I started traveling to yet another city to strip, to get away from him, while still supporting him, when I met J___.
I never remarried my first husband, even while having K___ with him. He asked, many times, and got angry when I told him I didn't think it was the right time. Now I know why. I never meant to fall in love with J___. He never meant to fall in love with me. But within a month of meeting him, I knew why I never wanted to remarry my first husband. There was someone better waiting for me. When a doctor recommended I have a hysterectomy to "cure" cervical dysplasia, J____ revealed his feelings for me as more than "just friends". He said, "But what if you and I want to have children someday?" I moved myself, K___, and K____ in with him within a month. He proposed two months after that. We were married, with our Bishop's blessing on December 21, 2004, in the Episcopal Church. C___ was born on July 4, 2005. I quit stripping a month after moving in with him. J___, K____, K____, and C___ were all baptized on January 8, 2006. (I was baptized as an infant.)
I am now a SAHM, and happier than I ever imagined I had a right to be. And until a couple weeks ago, I plagued my own happiness with doubts about my worth as a wife, mother, and person. Discovering your website, and reading your blog, I feel a sense of validation. Yes, it's ok to "just stay home with my kids". No, I'm not wasting my potential, as my mother asserts. I feel so validated. And I feel like an entire world of possibilities has just been shown to me that I never realized were right in front of my face, if I cared to look. For that, I thank you, so very much!
But now I have so many questions also. I hope you don't mind me asking some of them. I understand that this letter has already been long, and that your time is at a premium, and I will wait patiently for any answers you have time to send my way, whether in an email or on your blog. I don't mind you sharing this email if you think it will help or interest anyone else.
You write about answering God's call..... How do you know when that urge is God, and not our own selfish desires? J___ and I both thought that our family would be complete with C___'s birth, and now both of us have doubts. We want to submit to God's Will, with regard to that decision, but are having a heck of a hard time letting go, especially when we think about supporting any more children on our modest income. We're not poor, but we certainly aren't splurging very often. It seems that today's society is much more affordable for a two income, two child family, maybe even centered around that "norm". I feel so drawn toward having another child, that the IUD I had put in a year hurts, not literally, but kind of like accounts of phantom limb syndrome that I've read about. Yet, right now, we don't have health insurance through J___'s employer, and he makes too much money for any help in that area.
Any thoughts you have, advice you might give, would be appreciated so much. You've already done so much for me and my family by simply being online and sharing your thoughts. I've been trying out some of the Montessori tips, and my husband even wants to hear more when I read it. My kids are happier, and so am I. Thank you so much!
Sincerely,
Vida
I don't know about you, but reading this I felt like I was meeting a sister I'd never known I had. I know that many of you would like to welcome and pray for her too.
I don't think Vida realizes yet how closely her story parallels my own - but Vida, I am going to send you my book Lord, Please Meet Me in the Laundry Room so you will see how much we have in common! You are on the beginning of a wonderful journey!!
Posted in Inspiration, Mothering | Permalink
Comments
******big hug******
I am praying for you, Vida.
God Bless you!
Posted by: paigeu | September 10, 2006 12:37 PM
Vida - how exciting to hear about what God is doing in your life! My husband and I went through a similar hard decision process when we felt like God wanted us to trust him with our family size last year. My husband was in grad school and we were living on my income alone, so the thought of adding a child into that mix was scary! God was so gracious and changed our hearts over time...He took us one step at a time. The first step for us was stopping hormonal birth control, which we found out can have an abortifacient effect (it can sometimes allow conception but not allow implantation of the newly conceived child - causing an early abortion). After several more months, God gave us the faith to put our family planning in His hands entirely, and we are now 5 weeks from our first baby's birth. God is so faithful to provide for us...my husband now has a great full time job and I have been able to quit my job to stay home full time. I encourage you to keep trusting Him - if He is asking you to be obedient in this, then He will surely provide! You might want to consider taking it one step at a time too - maybe think about having the IUD removed, since IUDs can act in an abortifacient manner - as you keep praying about this big, exciting decision. May God bless you and provide for you!
Posted by: miller_schloss | September 11, 2006 3:12 PM
What a beautiful letter -- full of hope and inspiration.
Your "Laundry Room" book continues to touch lives. I loaned it to a friend who has a son with Down's Syndrome, and she told me a few days ago that she wants to buy five copies to give away to friends -- she was so encouraged by your story.
I've reviewed your book in the September issue of Christian Women Online magazine for Book Buzz.
http://www.christianwomenonline.net/BookBuzz.htm
Posted by: Heather | September 14, 2006 6:53 AM
