September 7, 2006 7:52 AM
Elisabeth Elliot on responsibility - and how that's been working in my life lately :)
Responsibility
An important sign of maturity is the acceptance of responsibility. One quits depending on everybody else and acknowledges that certain duties are his alone. If he doesn't do them, nobody will. Every day there is, for example, a "cross" to take up. Who else is going to carry it? It is mine. It lies in my pathway, and unless I accept it--and accept it gladly for Christ--I simply am not following Him. He has made it perfectly clear that there are two prerequisites to following, that is, to being his disciple: denying oneself, and taking up one's cross. To know yourself is to know your cross. Francois Mauriac says, "to flee one's sorrow and evade and ignore one's cross is the whole occupation of the world; but that occupation is at the same time a fleeing from one's own self"--or, we may say, from our proper and assigned responsibility. We may not always see a particular task laid before us, but one thing is sure: to trust Him is a task, proper to every Christian, assigned to us every minute of every hour of every day, and to flee this task is worldly, irresponsible, and immature.
"The Lord is my light and my salvation. Whom shall I fear?" (Ps 27:1 AV).
"I will trust, and not be afraid" (Is 12:2 AV).
Okay, you all know I love Elisabeth Elliot - I hope by now I've persuaded you to sign up for a daily dose of EE. You can get it free here.
I loved this one because it described what's been going on in my life lately. With my Big Boys gone (although Zach's coming home for a visit from school this week - wants some of my famous high-calorie/cholesterol dishes like Bacon Pasta - son-in-law Kip calls them Mom's Heart Stopping Recipes - which I now make and serve without touching) and Tripp's steadily deteriorating knees (he needs knee replacement surgery from years of arborist work but can't take two months off to recuperate), I have been surrendering to taking on the jobs that were always reserved for the men of the family - like hauling the heavy trash compactor bag out to the trash. I know, I know - but we have division of labor here and I do all the cooking and laundry so the men have done all the trash and outdoor stuff and heavy lifting :). I like it that way.
But now, in facing the changing demographics of our home, I have started taking out the trash all by myself.
Another area where I have upped my personal ante is this: for years because we were outnumbered by small children, we could not easily pass food at the table, so we began serving buffet style and having the kids carry their plates over to the table. That deteriorated into everyone grabbing their silverware at the same time. And as Tripp has been having to put in long hours recently and it has just been me, two teenage girls and the four Downzers (our affectionate family name for the four boys with Down syndrome - for new readers, that includes 3 we adopted) things had really gotten haphazard. I have always found it more difficult to serve a good meal when I don't have a man around. Crazy, but true - when I married Tripp my two daughters were so thrilled because their mother started cooking good meals. Just being completely honest.
But I wasn't living for a purpose higher than myself then. Now I am. And I've been recently looking around at places in my life where I could do better. Dinnertime seemed like a good place to start. So last night, even though Tripp wasn't home, I had the girls set the table nicely - Even spoons? Why do we need spoons, Mom? - with plates, silver, napkins, half-glasses of milk all in place plus candles. I served baked tilapia on a platter, Spanish rice and peas&carrots in bowls. We've always sung and prayed at our meals ("Let All Things Their Creator Bless" - last verse of All Creatures of Our God and King is our favorite), however because of the buffet serving and cutting children's meat and slapdash pouring of milk and distributing napkins, usually some people are half finished and some just beginning when we stop to do it.
I am embarrassed to admit this, because I used to have such higher standards about family meals. But it is an example of how things can deteriorate and how we can make a fresh start.
I loved our fresh start last night. We all sat down to a fully laid-out table. Jonny, my 14 year old son with Down syndrome, as the oldest male present sat in Dad's chair at the head and prayed after we sang (even though much of his prayer was unintelligible - we all understood :). Then we passed and served like a proper family.
I even had made a dessert - which I don't ordinarily do because I'm not fond of sweets myself. And so when everyone was finished we took away the plates and presented the kids with special dessert bowls full of pudding with a dab of whipped cream on the top.
It was wonderful. Wonderful for the kids and wonderful for me. I intend to do the same thing every night from now on. No matter how few of us are here - even when the Big Girls are busy and it's just me and the Little Guys - we will make a ritual of our meal.
This morning when I read EE on responsibility I could see that this was what these changes are all about for me. Sometimes the simple things are a symbol of a spiritual attitude. But lately anywhere I find a stronghold (Christian lingo for a stubborn, resistant, selfish place) - "This I will not do" - I have been challenging myself to do it.
It's kind of fun!
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Comments
Barbara, I LOVE this post. Not only do I have hymns playing now as I type this but that is what we are trying to do at dinner too. It is a little hard with boys who only eat chicken nuggets and peanut butter and jelly but we are doing it too! I figure one of these days they will like what we are serving because they pass it around or because it looks familiar to them. Thanks!!
Posted by: janet | September 7, 2006 10:02 AM
Barbara, I know exactly what you mean! Sometimes I think that when my husband is away, why bother making everything nice? He's just one person, and I have 4 others here who need a nice meal and a memorable experience at the family table. Thanks for writing about how you're working on it and encouraging me/us to do the same!
Posted by: Deb | September 7, 2006 1:05 PM
For me, I think this means I need to stop complaining/whining about all the things I have to do/organize this month on top of moving our family. I think it also means I have to trust God with my parents visit this weekend when I so much want to run away. I often feel so overwhelmed I'm going to drown but when I pray God seems to give me just enough grace to get through.
Posted by: Laurie | September 7, 2006 3:15 PM
Barbara,
I have enjoyed your blog since I discovered it several months ago. Your post made me think of this quote from Madeleine L'Engle.
“Eating has always been important to me, because the focal point of the day is the dinner table, a foretaste of the heavenly banquet. The dinner hour is a sacramental time for me, a time of gratitude for whoever is gathered around the table, for the food, for our being part of the greater story of creation. We share the day's events, tell stories, look up words in the dictionary, linger long after a meal is over while the candles burn down. The family dinner table is no longer something to be taken for granted. In some families, it doesn't even exist. People eat catch-as-catch-can, with various conflicting schedules, grabbing a bite, watching TV, running off, missing the wonderful time of communication. It is a great loss. Often during my marriage, Hugh and I had to work hard to keep the tradition, eating at odd hours just so that we could get everybody together, but the effort was worth it, it is worth it. I know one family who eats breakfast together; it is their chief gathering time. For me the shared evening meal is the time for gathering together, the time when meaning is made clear—the value and validity of our lives. There have been times of trouble when the dinner table has been the only affirmation available.”
-Madeline L' Engle
Posted by: Carol in Oregon | September 7, 2006 5:17 PM
What a blessing your post is!
I just love your writing and your honesty!
Your post was just what I needed to hear today!
Thank you so much!
Posted by: Kelley | September 7, 2006 7:29 PM
Barbara
I also get E. E's devotions every morning. I could really relate to this devotion, like you.
I love this post and love how you tied E.E's devotion into your own life.
Posted by: andrea | September 7, 2006 8:32 PM
Thank you all for your comments. I'm glad you could relate :) Thanks Carol for that quote from Madeline L'Engle - just lovely!
Posted by: barbaracurtis | September 9, 2006 7:23 AM
Janet -
I know what you mean. There will definitely be nights when we have fish sticks or macaroni and cheese - after all, those are some things my little kids like too, although I have to thank God that none of them are picky eaters. But I'm still going to fully set the table and light the candles and sit down as though I were serving royalty. When it comes to my kids with Down syndrome, I think of 1 Corinthians 12:22 - and I think that could apply to our children in general.
Posted by: barbaracurtis | September 9, 2006 7:23 AM
