September 22, 2006 3:02 PM
The Biggest Loser
Wednesday night I watched The Biggest Loser on NBC. I found myself crying as each of the contestants told their stories, described their struggle with weight and their yearning for a better life.
Honestly. I was really crying. I didn't have a moment like that when I set out February 2 to lose weight. I had steely determination to accomplish my goals, but I don't think I ever admitted to myself how unhappy I was being fat. That's not my style - as I suspect it's not the style of many fat women like me who put on a confident front - including dressing nicely and looking our best - meaning the best you can look when you're surrounded by a hundred extra pounds of fat.
So yes, I started with an intellectual will-based approach to dieting. But there have been moments since, as I've successfully lost 65 pounds (and I've just been holding the past two months - not actively dieting but not gaining, and definitely with a changed attitude toward food - I no longer desire junk food nor do I want to eat huge quantities anymore - well, except for movie popcorn) that I've had deep regrets about the years I spent being overweight. Not only was I putting my health at risk (high blood pressure), but I robbed myself and my family of the pleasure of having an active, energetic mom.
So when I saw these contestants expressing their shame and regrets, I was right there with them. It felt good to cry - though belatedly. My family knows how sorry I am though. They never said anything and loved me unconditionally. But I think we were all in denial. When my 13-year-old grandson Tim was watching some old family videos a couple weeks ago, he told his mom he could hardly believe how big I was. Which just corroborates my opinion that obesity is like alcoholism in creating codependent family systems where everyone ignores the problem.
And funny thing - I remember watching just one episode of The Biggest Loser long before I even considered a serious diet. I was watching kinda the way I used to watch The Days of Wine and Roses when I was an alcoholic - like, "Oh, isn't this interesting?" but never admitting that what I was watching had any connection to my own reality.
Yet when I watched The Days of Wine and Roses as a Recovering Alcoholic and The Biggest Loser as Recovering Fattie my denial was down and I could see only the common ground. The women on The Biggest Loser look so much larger than I ever supposed myself to be - of course, I would never have dared to appear anywhere in training shorts and top - but scales don't lie. I weighed as much as many of those on the show.
I'm going to be watching this every week. I can't wait to see the weight melt off these people - well, it won't just melt, it will be because of their hard work and determination - and to see the beautiful people revealed beneath. I wish I had watched the other years. If anyone knows where to find before and afters of the contestants, I'd love to see them.
Are any of you still dieting out there? I hope you read Mel at The Amazing Shrinking Mom. She is one of my best blogging buddies - and she writes about dieting every day at Club Mom.
HT to Mel for the Weight Loss Simulator, where you can plug in your current weight and your goal weight and get a little inspiration now and then. At the site, you can even turn these models around and get the profile and back views (which certainly explains how I was able to fool myself with my bathroom mirror - it's easy to look better from the front :)
There I am at my start weight 252 and current 187. Amazing, isn't it?
The best is yet to come: 150 by Christmas.
Comments
DH and I are big fans of the show. When we first saw previews, I was afraid it would hurt rather than help because they took clips out of context and it sounded degrading. Then, DH and I sat and watched and we were so impressed with how supportive and encouraging the trainers are with the contestants. We both cry through the personal revelations and cheer everyone on through those amazing victories.
I had to dig a bit to find the stories of former contestants, but here is the website: http://www.nbc.com/The_Biggest_Loser/videoextras/thenandnow.shtml
The stories are awesome! You and your blogging friends are inspiring. I get so excited to see your updates, be they about weight loss or clothing changes or these revelations about what was and how everyone you know is changing with you. Absolutely awesome! Best wishes! :-D
Posted by: Michelle | September 22, 2006 8:45 PM
Oh Barbara, you don't how this post has touched me and convicted me today!
I desperately need to lose weight and tried through exercise last year and only lost 6 lbs in 3 weeks...
I am feeling convicted to start up again and become a healthier me!
Thank you!
What a blessing you are to me!
Posted by: Kelley Burkey | September 22, 2006 9:11 PM
Very well done on your weight loss to date! I hope you reach your target weight by Christmas.
Posted by: Sheena | September 23, 2006 3:44 AM
Barbara, I've been reading about your weight loss efforts and successes, and I've really been wanting to say something to you. But how? I've never weighed more than five or ten pounds more than I want to and I don't understand how obesity happens to other women...or why they let it happen, so what I want to say maybe doesn't matter. I'm going to say it anyway, though: I'm proud of you. Not just for losing the weight, though that is a wonderful accomplishment, but more for your honesty. It takes an incredibly brave woman to admit to the things you've 'fessed up to and to take responsibility for where you're at and where you're going. You are an impressive woman.
Posted by: Jennie C. | September 23, 2006 4:56 PM
I'm going to watch The Biggest Loser, too, for the first time this year. I caught most of the first episode.
I also watched Celebrity Fit Club for the first time this year. :)
Mel
aka Shrinkingmom
Posted by: Mel | September 25, 2006 2:16 PM
Michelle - thanks for doing my homework for me! I loved seeing where they are now. Seeing before and after pictures is VERY movtivating to me. I've even saved one pair of my largest size slacks for when I'm down to target weight so I can take one of those cool pictures.
Jennie - Thanks for your encouraging words. I know some people hesitate to say anything like, "You look great" because it implies I didn't look so great before. But let's face it - I didn't look so great before :) So it's wonderful to know that people notice and appreciate the results. Obesity is such a health crisis in this country we should all rejoice whenever anyone conquers it.
Mel - I can't wait 'til Wednesday night to see how the contestants did this week. Very motivating!
Posted by: barbara | September 25, 2006 4:09 PM
I just read your Biggest Loser post and it really hit home.
Posted by: kathyj333 | July 8, 2007 8:30 AM
