December 30, 2006 3:26 PM
Turning off the TV
I am seriously trying to make a dent in my Inbox today :) If any of you are waiting to hear from me, please know I am now only 10 days behind in email, but determined to start the New Year all caught up! The kids are watching a movie (should I feel guilty because it's the middle of the afternoon? Well, just this once. . . . ) and I am sorting through Apron Power! contest entries and your questions.
But please, don't ever think I'm too busy to read your emails! Just be patient when my kids are out of school, as they are now.
Lara wrote that she is thinking about giving up TV - and requested responses from everyone, not just me.
Dear Barbara,I hope that you are having a great Christmas season! I'm sure you don't have time to respond to all mail, but if you get the chance, maybe some of your readers could help me out. I've been seriously considering turning off the television, but I'm nervous about what we'll do instead. Isn't that sad? I mean, why should 'turning off the TV' stir up this type of emotion? I guess it's such a habit that I've lost the ability to think creatively about how to spend downtime without flipping on the tube.
Our TV viewing is not horrible. I typically only let dd watch a couple of PBS shows in the afternoon, but some days (like today) the TV is on from morning till night (on PBS, we don't have cable). She doesn't watch it all the time, but instead goes in and out of the room as she plays. I know I should turn it off, but the baby is sick, and I'm trying to keep a 3 year old occupied while caring for a sick child. On days like this, I don't mind the tube on, but I would love to go TV free around the clock on a more consistent basis. How have other people accomplished this? (I know, the obvious answer is "Just turn it off", isn't it!).
Thanks for your blog! I hope to one day read your laundry book, but I can't seem to find it in the library.
Lara
First, check out this site: American Academy of Pediatrics: Television and the Family for all the reasons why you might want to consider eliminating or seriously decreasing TV viewing by your family. While I could write a book on this subject, I only have time right now to say that if you give up TV for a period of time - months or years - you will never regret it.
We did not have TV for the first 13 years of our family's life. At some point, when they were first introduced, we got a VCR and watched movies now and then. In the late 90's, when satellite TV was introduced we got a system in order to supplement our homeschooling with science, history and arts programs.
Our children never watched network sitcoms. I consider those a real source of breakdown in the family because of the disrespectful way people speak to each other. But we have watched many valuable and educational shows on the other channels.
Now there are several reality shows that our family enjoys - American Idol, the Apprentice, the Biggest Loser. We have found these to be a good springboard for family discussion on character values and moral principles. My older teens also watch some shows like House and Heroes. The men in the family watch football. My younger teens try their best to watch cartoon network, but I'm not having any of that.
I still severely limit the amount of time the TV is on. It is always the last resort for entertainment as far as I am concerned, so many days it is off completely. We only have one TV in the house. Even though it was free to get more hookups, we did not get them. We do not watch TV while eating meals - the TV is downstairs in the basement/family room, so not a central part of the house.
My thought is that in order to cut back on a TV habit, it would probably be best to go on a TV fast for a few months at least - in order to become aware of the extent of your dependence and to form new habits. I'm thinking that it's much like any other addiction - that we fool ourselves into thinking things aren't as bad as they are. I know it took a drastic diet for me to get real about my eating habits. I never would have been able to lose 70 pounds if I hadn't gone on such a strict regimen that I would see how much I was overindulging.
It is very important for kids to learn how to think for themselves and to entertain themselves. They cannot do this if they have a steady diet of TV. I also have noticed a big difference in the conversational abilities of young adults who are raised with too much TV - especially TV during meals. Family dinners are an important part of the training we give our kids in social interaction. There just isn't room for TV at the table.
I hope some of you all have comments or links to things you've written as well.
Posted in Current Affairs, Family, Mothering | Permalink
Comments
Back in October, I blogged about maybe turning our tv off for good. You can read it here (and be sure to follow the link to Mel at Our Blessed Arrows who got me thinking and blogging about it in the first place:)-
http://firstpeteronefour.blogspot.com/2006/10/no-more-tv.html
BUT it took until just a few days before Christmas to pull that tv off of its makeshift shelf of phonebook, Bible commentary, and subwoofer, and out of the cabinet. We are now back to the peace we had pre-tv.
:)
Posted by: Valerie | December 30, 2006 5:54 PM
Barbara,
What a great topic. We were just "forced" to go on a TV fast for the month of December as the only place for our Christmas tree was right in front of the entertainment center. My husband and I saw just how much TV we really do watch and it was a little frightening to see how we waste away time in the evenings switching from worthless show to worthless show. Instead of TV, we started reading to each other and we also starting listening to books on CD. The books on CD were really great as they provided a whole week of entertainment and discussion.
However, for dealing with little ones, I know that we gave up my "necessary" hour of TV in the afternoon a year ago and have never looked back. I have found it is just as relaxing, if not more so, to sit down and read a book with my son or have him play quietly while I read something. Just having a period of rest is much more relaxing and helpful to me than having the TV on.
Those are my $0.02, I can't wait to hear what others have to say.
Posted by: gwen | December 30, 2006 6:52 PM
The TV can be used as a tool for learning but as many of us know, it often ends up controlling us rather than the other way around. All in all, I think the benefits of going TV-less (at least for months at a time) outweigh the disadvantages, especially if what one wants is a good family life and really educating the children.
I hope my recent blog entry on the matter helps in some way --
http://notjustforsuperheroes.blogspot.com/2006/12/joys-of-being-unplugged.html
Posted by: Sunnyday | December 30, 2006 7:10 PM
Dear Barbara,
I just found this blog recently and am presently reading Mommy Manual. (a Christmas present :) Thank you for writing it. I have a 2yo, a 1yo, and another one coming in May so I feel like I am just who you wrote that for, and I am learning SO MUCH! Thanks for being so open and honest...I just really appreciate you!
Lara -
We dumped our tv less than a year ago and the change we noticed in our then-26-month-old son was AMAZING. He didn't watch much before either, but without tv he got so absorbed in his books he would spend literally hours paging through them. The change was dramatic. I also think mentally he is much more independent than he would have been. (On rare occasions we still let him watch a dvd through our computer.) I also grew up without a tv -- a good chance to develop hobbies. Just think, as an adult, she will thank you for it!
Posted by: Melissa | December 30, 2006 8:23 PM
It took years for us to finally unplug the t.v. Our first step was to put it in our bedroom where we had total control over it and wouldn't just idly turn it on when out in the living areas of the house. The only problem with that was we started to spend our evenings sitting on the bed, watching t.v., though usually only after 9.
Last year we finally decided to go a year without t.v. We did allow ourselves to hook it up for the winter Olympics, having a family tradition to watch as much as possible and cheer on the USA! But when we did have it hooked up for those 2 weeks, we noticed how bad the commercials were, what an asault morally. We had no problem unhooking it again. We did start allowing ourselves to watch DVDs, mostly old movies we'd get from the library. I like the control over what we watch and when. It's usually a whole family event that we can decide when to watch, and I'm not tempted to turn the box on to babysit the little ones.
Posted by: Susan Yost | December 31, 2006 12:31 AM
I'm so glad you wrote about this! I grew up without a TV, but did lots of reading and other creative activities. My 2-year-old loves books and will already sit and listen to longer stories with few pictures. A few of the reasons we don't have a TV in our home...
Posted by: Tammy L | December 31, 2006 1:16 AM
I grew up with TV and video games, but later in college when I met my now husband and became a Christian, we decided not to have one after we got married. We simply one day sold the TV and dvd player to some friends, and never looked back. it was hard to lose my shows (at the time, ER was big fun for me...), but after 1 or 2 months, we totally didn't miss a thing.
We now have 2 children (so far), 3.5 yr old boy and 14 month old girl. The boy is very active...very hyper...very demanding...very extroverted......very tiring!!! There are days when I wished I had a tv to plunk him in front of. I believe it's harder to mother without TV, but BETTER. Better for the kids, but better for the mom too, because you stretch yourself. Instead of tv, I stretch myself to find things for ds to do while dd naps each day for 2 hours. (ds stopped napping at 2.3 yrs). Through the years, ds has learned to play very imaginatively with his toys and household stuff. He does entertain himself well for 1 hour or more on a daily basis. Many TV kids I know cannot do this. We are also an active, fit family. Instead of tv in the afternoon, ds, dd and I go outside every day in the summer and to the indoor playground or children's museum in the winter. We have the grandparents buy year passes for these activities as birthday or xmas gifts.
Ít's worked well for us. Some days are very hard. When the baby is sick, it's hard. Sometimes on tough days, I just run a bubble bath and let ds play for 1+ hours in the tub while I hold the baby, or while I fold laundry in the bathroom. Other good tough day activities have been letting him make a total mess with playdoh in the kitchen, letting him fill the sink with water and fill up cups and bowls and pitchers and toys (making a big mess), and sitting and letting everything go while I read story after story to the kids.
My house is somewhat messy all the time. I do have a housecleaner who comes every other week because I work part time as a writer from home after the kids are in bed. My laundry is barely folded before being shoved in a drawer. My kitchen floor has crumbs often. I do cook good, healthy meals, though, as that is a priority for me, and the dishes never pile up, as that is unsantitary. But I am kind of laid back as to the house.
It's good for my marriage too! More time to talk and read.
Sorry to be so long!!!!!!
Posted by: Jill (colicmommy) | December 31, 2006 5:24 AM
Jill -- what you wrote here: "I do have a housecleaner who comes every other week because I work part time as a writer from home after the kids are in bed. My laundry is barely folded before being shoved in a drawer. My kitchen floor has crumbs often. I do cook good, healthy meals, though, as that is a priority for me, and the dishes never pile up, as that is unsantitary. But I am kind of laid back as to the house." - that sounds just like the peace I have established with trying to balance my family, my writing, and my house. But it took me a long time to figure out that some things aren't as important as they once seemed.
As Goethe once said, "Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least."
Posted by: barbara | December 31, 2006 11:24 AM
I don't have kids yet, but the solution for me and my husband was to get a Netflix subscription and watch DVDs on the computer. We got a projector we can hook the computer up to if we feel like making a proper movie night of it, but since there's no receiver involved, there's also no mindless sitting and clicking the remote.
Posted by: persimmon | December 31, 2006 2:03 PM
Thank you for all the responses and letting me know that life without TV is possible. I just need to turn it off and let myself learn as we go
Posted by: Lara | January 2, 2007 3:28 PM
