March 16, 2007 7:15 AM
Love languages
I was flushing a toilet this morning - one of the kids had forgotten :) - when I was struck by the feeling of being loved.
Seriously.
I know this sounds crazy, but maybe some of you will understand. In January when I went on my intense but mercifully short-lived redecorating kick (my boys were home from college so I put them to work painting my laundry room and a major hallway - which drew my husband into the Home-Improvement-Project-Whose-Name-We-Will-Never-Speak-Again (sh! wallpapering, the very same plaid wallpaper in the background of the picture)), I bought new fixtures for a tired old bathroom and Tripp dutifully installed them. One happened to be a flush handle which matched the new towel bars he put up.
Since we'd lived for three years with a wobbly toilet handle, I was so pleased to find that not only did the handle look better, it behaved the way a toilet handle should :)
So would any of you understand that now every time I flush that particular toilet I am reminded of my husband's love?
Well, if you don't, allow me to introduce you to the concept of The Five Love Languages. Gary Chapman wrote this book many years ago, but you don't have to read the whole book (or the endless stream of books which followed - Five Love Languages for Children, for teens, for your mate, men's edition, for God) to understand how "speaking" different love languages can lead to misunderstandings and conflict, but learning to understand them can lead to more harmony.
The Five Love Languages are:*Words of Affirmation
*Quality Time
*Acts of Service
*Receiving Gifts
*Physical Touch
You can read a little more about each - and take a quiz if it's not immediately obvious which language is yours - at Five Love Languages.
My love language is clearly service. That's how I know people love me and how I show love for others. But I have children whose love languages are all over the map.
Can you see how this simple understanding can help you and your family? I mean, I may be communicating "I love you!" all over the place by doing laundry and cooking, but the child who needs hugs or verbal praise or quality time or gifts won't be getting the message. I need to make sure I'm speaking each one's language.
And while I truly don't care whether Tripp gets me gifts, I love being reminded each day of his love for me through his countless acts of service around our home. Remember the garbage disposal story?
So yeah, the toilet handle - now, as Paul Harvey says, you know The Rest of the Story.
Posted in Family, Marriage, Mothering | Permalink
Comments
Yesterday evening when I came home, our bed had been made by my husband. You see, he went into work late yesterday and was still in bed when we left for school and work. Even though the bed didn't look the same as when I make it, the same feeling of love came over me! I thought, how sweet for him to take the time to make the bed!
What's funny is that last night when we were going to bed, he asked if I noticed that he made the bed. I told him that yes, I did. He said that when he made it, he looked at it and said that it didn't look quite like it does when I make it. He told himself, "She likes to have a little fold-down thing at the top"!
Posted by: Terri Ramey | March 16, 2007 11:08 AM
I love this book! hubby and i took the tests and i read the book a few years ago. my main language is acts of service, as yourself, with a quick followup of words of affirmation. Hubby's is a dual love langauge (in the two he scored equally the same in) of quality time and physical touch. it HELPED us so much to learn this! we have such an easier time communicating our love for eachother now that we know which ways are so important for the other person to "hear". love love love that book!
kristy in england
Posted by: Kristy | March 16, 2007 11:29 AM
I have Five Love Languages, AND Five Love Languages for Children. GREAT books. Really help in understanding the people in your life.
Posted by: Linda | March 16, 2007 1:53 PM
Hey Barbara : ) I have always liked this book :), but recently read an article by David Powlison (not sure if you like him or not - we really appreciate his counseling philosophy) called Love Speaks Many Languages Fluently. It's from the Journal of Biblical Counseling Fall 2002 - one of the BEST journals in our opinion : )!!! I really appreciated his perspective!! Just thought I'd throw that in for ya for some food for thought : )
Posted by: shawnda | March 16, 2007 4:40 PM
I've heard about this book before, but never really felt inclined to read it. As I read this post I was struck by the feeling that I need to read this book. So I added it and the 5 Languages of Love for Children to my PaperBackSwap wishlist. (They weren't available right now.)
Posted by: Michelle Potter | March 16, 2007 9:14 PM
Awesome story!
And did you know that Logos Bible Software just published The Five Love Languages Collection (7 volumes) in electronic format? Which means the volumes are fully searchable and all Bible references are hyperlinked.
- Daniel Foster, Logos Bible Software, daniel@logos.com
Posted by: Daniel Foster | March 19, 2007 1:49 PM
