July 12, 2007 11:02 AM
Help! Preparing children for a move
Dear Barbara,I have a question that I hope you can answer.
In a couple of weeks we are moving to Virginia from Minnesota. It is a self move, which means we've been packing for weeks. There are boxes strewn about, toys packed, clothes packed, pretty much (at this point) everything is in a box (we kept out his favorite toys and books to get
packed at the last minute). We still have a little over a week to go, but we can both see that our three year old is becoming pretty stressed out by the whole thing. We're trying to make the idea of moving fun - he loves trucks and is excited for the moving truck to come - and we're
also trying to keep his anxiety to a minimum, but I keep feeling like we're not quite succeeding. Do you have any books about moving and dealing with the move that you can recommend? Tips to help us talk about it with him? Ways to ease his anxiety?Thank you for any help you can give. I do so appreciate your site and tried to find information about this before taking up your time, but I couldn't.
Blessings,
Gwen
Gwibbles
Dear Gwen,
The most practical thing I can think of is to let him pack his own stuff and help you as much as possible. Show him pictures of the new place (on the computer?).
Give him language to talk about his feelings: "Are you feeling worried/nervous/scared [whatever word feels right]? That's how people feel when there's going to be a big change in their lives. Change can be scary. We're moving to a new place, but we're all moving together. Mommy and Daddy will never leave you. We'll always be together. That's what matters. And when we get to the new place, there will be lots of good things about being there.
Also, keep in mind that we can't protect our kids from all anxiety. Our impulse is to fix everything, but if we could do that, our children would never have an opportunity to learn and grow. Part of being a parent is helping them through the process and learning to understand that there has to be room for life to happen, and God to happen too. But the best thing to do early on is to teach children not to e afraid of their feelings, but to them the freedom and the words to talk about them.
I hope this helps - and I'm sure readers will have more to say.
Blessings, Gwen. Now that we'll be only hours-away neighbors, I hope we can meet in person someday!
Posted in Mothering, Practical Info, Preschoolers | Permalink
Comments
Due to my husband's job, we move around every few years. So, I've dealt with this a number of times!
I agree with Barbara. We cannot protect our children from all anxiety. But, we can give them the tools to help manage it.
In addition to getting kids excited about the next location (the internet is great for that!), I also make a big production of saying "farewell" to the home we are about to leave. We make a last visit to favorite parks, the library, zoo, restaurants, etc.:
"Good-bye farmers' market!"
"Good-bye park where I lost my tooth!"
I guess it's kind of like writing the "final chapter" to a book. It would be disappointing to stop reading a book before finding out what happens to the characters after the climax. I think that's why my children enjoy creating a bit of ceremony about our moves.
Posted by: Catholic Wife and Mother | July 12, 2007 12:06 PM
Having just moved, it seemed that our kids "mirrored" our moods. So DH and I did our best to be positive and upbeat, and the kids followed suit.
Posted by: Lisa | July 12, 2007 1:56 PM
and be sure to pack his sheets and bed stuff in the top drawer of his dresser so when you all get to your new home you can get his bed done first, then his room then whatever you want. Make his room first to be done with all his "old" stuff. We moved with three boys from NH to MD three years ago and it worked out great.
Posted by: janet | July 14, 2007 11:58 PM
