July 27, 2007 10:41 AM
The wedding industry - blech!
Here's an insightful article into the ridiculous, wasteful and self-indulgent wedding culture. Fifty years ago weddings were small, simple, and meaningful. Today they are an ordeal that many people simply have to survive so the bride can have her perfect day.
The Wedding-Industrial Complex Exposed
Who has set this up? The people profiting from the wedding industry. Who perpetuates it? Consumers who've been brainwashed into thinking it's important. In the scheme of things, it's the marriage commitment that matters - and frankly, the angst surrounding big wedding preparations can be a huge distraction.
My first two daughters chose plain and simple weddings. Samantha's was in our home. Jasmine's was in a small church and next-door reception hall. Each one had about 120 guests.
Sophia and Maddy have no interest in big weddings - for which I'm grateful.
I once wrote an article on couples who'd survived 50 years of marriage called Golden Secrets. I was touched by the simplicity of their stories. They didn't wait until they "could afford it." They didn't have long engagements or a lot of hoopla on the day of their vows. They loved each other and decided to make a commitment and build a life together. And that's what they did.
I wonder what they would think of the Bridezillas of today?
Posted in Current Affairs, Marriage | Permalink
Comments
When I got married 10 years ago, I wore a simple "Sunday" dress (white) that I bought through the JCPenney catalog. $60 maybe? I was happy with my decision, but I'm telling you - going against the status quo like that was no picnic. Well meaning, Christian folk and relatives looked me up and down like I was committing a cardinal sin. I have always tried to live by my convictions, and spending scads of moolah on a one-time event didn't seem right to me. But I have tears in my eyes now thinking back on how my actions made the day tough for me.
Why are church people just as entrenched in consumerism as the world? I don't understand it.
"The world is not impressed when Christians get rich and say thanks to God. They are impressed when God is so satisfying that we give our riches away for Christ's sake--and count it gain." [John Piper, Don't Waste Your Life]
Posted by: Lisa | July 27, 2007 11:24 AM
Oh geeez. Don't get me started. I was on vacation this past week and my parents have cable. Well I caught this show on some womens cable channel that showed over the top weddings. We're talking $20,000 on flowers. I was disgusted. It was just ridiculous and think its a horribly tacky way to spend your money. I'm helping my friend plan her wedding, and although it will be a really nice wedding, I've helped her cut corners.
Posted by: Shannon Best | July 27, 2007 11:43 AM
My wedding was only two and a half years ago. We couldn't afford anything extravagant, so Jehromy ask me if I wanted to wait until we could. I'm glad he did. Because of that offer, I made a conscious decision to put our commitment before a bunch of stuff we'd only use for one day. It was a beautiful ceremony and a wonderful day shared with people who truly loved us. We even had a pot luck dinner for our reception! Everyone there was so close to us and to one another, it didn't strike any of us as strange at all, just fun. We wouldn't have half the fun or funny memories if we'd gone the usual route. Heck, we probably wouldn't even be married yet!
Posted by: Vida | July 27, 2007 11:47 AM
My huband and I got married in college so, obviously, we had NO money. I think we (and his parents!) spent about 2000 dollars total.
Of course, we were married at our home church by our pastor. This small detail cut our costs by at least 3000 dollars.
My mother in law is a seamstress so she rebuilt a dress I found at Goodwill. Yep, I wore a Goodwill dress on my wedding. It was beautiful, and was the *exact* dress I had imagined.
Looking back at our wedding, I am so happy we were forced to be "thrifty". It was a beautiful ceremony, and more importantly, a beautiful start to our lives together. It taught us about living simply. Now if only we could remember that lesson...
Posted by: lauren | July 27, 2007 1:05 PM
I wish my wedding would have been even simpler than it was, but since my in-laws were paying for it I let them pick out a lot of things that they wanted to pay for. For example, I was pushing for having the reception be cake and punch only in the church gym. But my father-in-law said, "If we did that, we'd have to take them all out to dinner afterwards in a restaurant." I said he didn't, and in one if his rare moments of getting upset with me, he said that would be cheap.
Ah well, it wasn't worth hurting my relationship with my in-laws if they wanted to spend their own money.
Posted by: Misty | July 27, 2007 1:19 PM
Amen! The wedding industry is totally disgusting. I also was married 10 years ago, and did most everything myself. I made my veil for about $10.00 (tulle is SO inexpensive, ladies!). I made all the bouquets, boutonnieres and corsages for $120.00, and I made all of the decorations. My bridesmaids wore "Sunday dresses" that we chose from a catalog of regular clothes. We had a formal reception for family and those in the wedding at a beautiful local restaurant that only charged for the food (very unusual because typical wedding places make you pay rent for the space), and then an informal party in my in-law's backyard for anyone and everyone. I had learned so much about cutting costs and thinking outside the box that I ended up including all things wedding in my business. In 6 years I had only 2 couples that were interested in cutting costs, and they were close personal friends. It's become "keeping up with the Jones". I once made wedding programs for a couple that included hand painting on all of the program covers. The cost was more than I paid for my wedding dress! The quiet, personal sweetness is so present in those weddings without all the extravagance, don't you think?
Posted by: Greta | July 27, 2007 1:20 PM
My husband and I married young (while in college) and had a lovely, wedding for less than $5K. That included the honeymoon to Tahoe! We've been to some extravagant weddings that took longer to plan than the marriage lasted.
Posted by: Amanda | July 27, 2007 1:37 PM
I have to admit, my first wedding was really big. We had 8 attendants (bridesmaids, groomsmen, best man, maid of honor) 2 ring bearers, 2 flower girls, and a jr. bridesmaid. There were over 300 people invited...about 250 came. And I knew VERY few of them. Only about 40 from my side of the family/friends. The rest were "obligations" on my ex-husband's side. You know..."we're obligated to invites so-and-so because they invited us to their daughter/son/niece/cousin/whatever's wedding."
And it failed...miserably.
My 2nd wedding was not an extravaganza. We married in a small chapel on our Army post. We had a total of 40 guests...50 were invited. We did not have a band or dancing. We had a decent meal, good fellowship, and closeness with friends. And that is the most memorable wedding to me. I can remember all of it. I can remember very little of my first wedding (except asking for a glass of milk to go with the cake, and the caterers looking at me like I had 3 heads - great memory, huh?)
I think an intimate setting is a great thing. Because it allows you to KNOW who is there, and to spend time with them all.
Posted by: Linda | July 27, 2007 1:58 PM
Oh, no kidding. I'm preparing for marriage (which includes, but is not contained in, planning a wedding) now, and you wouldn't believe the ridiculous things that I'm told I HAVE to have (unity candles, aisle runners, $2000 videographers, etc.). I can't count the number of times people have looked down their noses at me when they heard I was having the reception in the parish hall instead of renting out a hugely expensive) hotel ballroom.
My line throughout this process has been, "if I ever say anything about it being 'my day,' please smack me!" The bride-centric hoopla is just ridiculous. The idea that you're a princess and everyone must bow to your whims because you're getting married is disgusting.
All of that said, it can become very difficult to keep our focus on the marriage, rather than the wedding, in this culture. Advertisements and friends/family alike try to pull us in all directions. Please pray for those of us who are trying to prepare for Christ-centered marriages, especially as we undergo the wedding planning gauntlet along the way.
Posted by: Layla | July 27, 2007 3:25 PM
All this hoop-la, and the divorce rate is even higher than it was 50 years ago or so.....I am amazed at all the couples who live together and wait to get married because of money.....It's sickening, really. I have even seen Christians do this.
Posted by: Lisa | July 27, 2007 5:08 PM
I tried to make my wedding simpler than it was. However, it was more of a day for my mom to put on a show. I didn't want a train (how dare I go against tradition?), I didn't want tons of flowers (that will look 'boring')... I hope to never put that much pressure on my daughter and keep it about what was important.
We recently went to the most simplistic church wedding and reception. It was the most meaningful one I have ever been to. It was so God-centered and you truly felt that this YOUNG couple were doing it right. I know that they will last a long time.
I've unfortunately been to weddings where the marriage ended before the wedding was paid for.
Posted by: Chris | July 27, 2007 5:42 PM
Amen sister! My husband and I knew within a few weeks that we were in love and going to get married. We were married with only six people in attendance, five months after our first date! We couldn't afford a large wedding and didn't see the point in it anyway. We had the most amazing ceremony and small dinner after. It was the best! We're going on nine happy, blessed years together - praising God for all of it - and I've never once wished we had a larger wedding.
Posted by: Kim | July 27, 2007 7:03 PM
I'm blushing to admit that, only child that I am, my parents let DH and me have a fancy wedding, although you can get far more extravagant! We had a reception at the country club where my grandparents have been members since about 1950 and lots of music... but I wouldn't let anyone say anything about its being "my day" etc. There you're utterly right- ick.
Posted by: Katie Gillet | July 28, 2007 1:15 PM
Elegant Simplicity. That should be the goal. The object of the wedding is to show the connection with Christ and His Bride.
Ours back in 1985 was less than $2k. Clearance rack wedding dress (an "Alfred Angelo", $200), store bought silk flower bouquet, just bows to decorate the pews, the church and pastor were free as wedding gifts because we were members, one attendant each, scheduled the wedding at 4pm to take advantage of the sun setting and shining through the stained glass windows of the sanctuary, reception in the church fellowship hall with just cake, punch, nuts, and mints. The cakes (brides and grooms) were ordered at the grocery store and were delicious.
At the time, I worked at a publishing company doing paste-up for real estate magazines (before computers) so I made the invitations myself.
It is nice if you can do something to mark the day and make it special but going into debt is nothing special.
Posted by: Lavender Blue | July 29, 2007 10:45 AM
Our daughter got married in 2004. Total cost of ALL wedding expenses: $5,000. Grocery store cake (brought a picture from Victoria magazine), grocery store bouquets (same magazine), I made the boutonnieres (grocery store roses) and pew decorations (only 2, silk flowers), $99 wedding gown from a wedding salon outlet (looked it up online, retailed the year it was designed for almost $1,000), I made the veil......I could go on and on. And we had just a little over 2 months to plan everything! It was a beautiful day spent focusing on the future of this lovely couple beginning their new life together. God is good!
Posted by: Susan in Elk Grove CA | August 1, 2007 1:45 AM
I was a Bridal Consultant in a "former" life. Waaay before my marriage. The business is fun. Pretty. And for a Southern girl, exciting. But mostly I was and am a romantic. I loved the idea of being part of someone's special day. I didn't do a lot of extravaganzas. But I did help with many large weddings. Mostly medium sized ones. And I learned a lot. I learned that a big wedding doesn't necessarily bring you happiness.
So when the time came to plan my own wedding, I only splurged on a few items...my dress ($700) and photos ($750). The rest of my wedding was bargain basement and beautiful. The total came to around $3000.
My husband's mother is a SF Bay area woman, accustomed to big outrageous to-dos. So she had plenty to say. But overall, everyone loved the homey atmosphere and casual elegance we were able to create. And, we had a good time. That was the most important part.
A nice wedding on a budget can be had. It does take some work, though.
Posted by: MamaLady | August 1, 2007 1:55 AM
