July 13, 2007 8:38 PM

What to say to a pregnant teenager?

My daughter Samantha, mother of five of the sweetest grandchildren in the world, knows a family with a teenager who is now pregnant - a girl with a pure past whose innocence was lost to a teenage guy who is already a predator.

Very sad to come to grips with. And difficult for others to know how to respond. Samantha felt moved to write the following letter, sharing her own experience and offering her support - but also reminding her to apply the principles she already knows to find comfort and courage in the Lord.

I asked Samantha if I could share it just because it might help someone who doesn't know how to respond to a similar situation in their church or circle of friends.


Your mother shared with me today that you are with child. I am writing you to encourage you along your way. I am sure this is not what you had planned. I am sure you now truly realize why God asks us to wait. As I told your mother, it could have been me. You see, I was having physical relations with my boyfriend when I was 15. I set out to remain pure, but I was relying on my own strength. I was weak.

I had been lying to my parents for almost 2 years when thankfully, my sin was exposed after I felt the need to confess. Although I felt extreme guilt, I was so relieved to confess. I then came to repentance to God for my disobedience. God, in His mercy, forgave me. The Word says, “But if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, His Son, purifies us from all sin. (1John1:7). So, I encourage you to confess and repent before the Lord because He is merciful.

I wept at the knowledge of your loss of innocence just I had at mine, but I am here to tell you that God can redeem. After my confession and cleansing, I remained sexually pure until my wedding day.

_____, run to our God! Fall in His arms! Experience His strength as He lifts you.

Your story will be different than mine as you are embarking on the wonderful adventure of motherhood a little earlier than I did. But I do know that your baby needs you. Do not allow fear and worry to steal from the joy of this new life. I know you are capable of being a loving, nurturing mother. Psalm 73:26 says, “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”

My prayer is that God will use this all for good. I pray that lives will be transformed by this experience. I pray that God will use you someday to instill in others the importance of being obedient.

I want you to know that I care for you and that you can call on me anytime.

Mrs. Walraven

Also, my friend Trish goyer, who was a teenage mother and survived to become an accomplished writer/mother has a great book - maybe for a gift - called Life Interrupted.



Posted in Teens and Tweens | Permalink


Barbara, thank you for the beautiful, sensitive, insightful letter written by your daughter. Our own precious daughter and her boyfriend came to us several years ago to tell us they were expecting a baby. Our daughter was in college, so we were not aware of how her lifestyle had changed since she left our home. They married and are amazing parents to our grandchildren. We still wait for God to move in our son-in-law's heart and bring him to faith, but our daughter's heart now belongs unreservedly to Christ. Only God can take the shattered pieces of our lives and use those pieces to create a new masterpiece. While we still wait for answers to our many prayers on behalf of our son-in-law, and while we see our daughter deal with some issues we never dreamed would enter our own family...we see the power of a God who is at work in impossible situations.

Posted by: A Grandma | July 14, 2007 10:45 PM

wonderfully written. I so often think the same thing but have never put it in writing like this. I know the teen will be thankful for your daughters willingness to share. There are so many times teens think they are the only ones going through these things.
My nephew and I have gotten closer because he is willing to share life with me. Although I would love to change some of my past decisions I am finding them helpful in my role as an aunt and a parent.
thanks for sharing this!!

Posted by: janet | July 14, 2007 11:28 PM

Thanks Barbara for sharing both Samantha's story and her response to this young woman. I work at the PRC in Marin and we see many girls/women like this one you refer to. Churched girls are NOT immune to sexual activity, nor can we be angry when it occurs. Our responses need to be with LOVE and to continue to trust God for what He is doing. His plan is not our plan; His ways not our ways. But He is wholly worthy of our trust.
What I always say to patients who are facing an unexpected pregnancy is that, yes, it takes having sex (even if it is a rape situation) to get pregnant, but not everyone does conceive. God has a special plan for this child; one in which no one can understand right now while they are all in pain. God knows who she/he is and His plan will unfold in this family. You can trust that God Almighty will give you all you need to parent or relinquish this child to parents who can love and nurture him/her. Don't be afraid, God is on the throne and working!
Read Jeremiah 29:11...the plans I have for you are for a future and a hope!!!

Posted by: Robin | July 15, 2007 10:50 PM

How nice of your daughter to share her story...I will be praying for this family. My sister became pregnant at 18 and though we were blessed with the most beautiful little girl who brings nothing but joy to everyone around her, the situation was nothing but difficult. I pray that this child will change many lives for our God.

Posted by: millicent | July 17, 2007 7:42 AM

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