August 17, 2007 7:44 PM
Arthur Miller had a son with Down syndrome
We never knew that did we?
We only knew what we learned of Arthur Miller in high school and college or our further pursuit of theater. He was touted by many as America's greatest playwright. And his life didn't lack for fascination: the intellectual who married Marilyn Monroe.
His greatest works were written early in his career - before the marriage to Marilyn.
But it wasn't the marriage to Marilyn which became the hinge of the door separating two acts of his life. It may actually have been the birth in 1966 of a son with Down syndrome whom Miller immediately had placed in an institution and whom he never acknowledged throughout his life. Even Miller's obituaries when he died in 2004 mentioned only three children.
There are many comments I'd like to make, but I want you to experience Arthur Miller's Missing Act, which appears in this month's Vanity Fair with all the emotional twists and turns I did as I read it.
At the end, I couldn't help but sob out loud at the sad choices we humans make in our lifetimes. None of us is immune. I don't hold myself up as any better than Miller because of the unfortunate choice he made. I think that is the bittersweet part of growing old as a believer in God: you see the sadness and destruction so much more clearly, but if you have a true relationship with God, no matter how hard you've worked to make something worthy of your life you can't help but be aware of how short you've fallen yourself.
There's no pride in my heart that I made a different choice than Arthur Miller about whether to accept my own child with Down syndrome, only sadness that in all the choices which lie before us throughout life not one of us can escape falling short in some area or other.
I'm beginning to understand that the path to understanding the heart of God means allowing him to lead you through places of the deepest grieving - where judgmentalism is completely cast off as you begin to realize that it's not just a Christian slogan that "we're sinners saved by grace" and we really can't afford to hold ourselves in higher esteem just because we did some things right.
Yes, as you will read in the article - which is so well written and with a perfect "Just the Facts" approach - Miller could be accused of hypocrisy. But when I think how he must have felt as he prepared for his death perhaps finally understanding the gravity of his choice, I can't help but feel compassion.
There but for the grace of God. . . .
Posted in Down syndrome | Permalink
Comments
I don't know, Barbara. I can't find much tenderness nor understanding for someone of his position who would abandon his son that way. Even the eleventh hour divy of the will doesn't make it better - he could never gain what he lost. That is terribly sad. This is so different from a poor mother who can't care for her child who gives him up into foster care.
Institutionalization in the sixties was acceptable; to not ever visit the child or even acknowledge that he existed was not.
And true, none of us could say what we might do in any given, difficult situation - but - I don't think many who consider themselves moralists would make a mistake this big. We all have to make choices every day, some big, some little. Hopefully we don't make mistakes on this magnitude, though!
Sure enough, it's in the Lord's hands now, and He seems to have blessed Daniel regardless of his father's abandonment. It's just a sad story!
Anyway - love to you Barbara! I appreciate you and all that you do here at Mommylife!
Posted by: Holly | August 17, 2007 11:21 PM
Thank you for sharing this article with us. My heart just breaks for all of the children institutionalized to be cared for (and sadly, sometimes not cared for) by others.
My heart also breaks, because I can only imagine what it would feel like to die with such a sad secret, and to miss out on the gift of loving as special a son as Daniel. Even more tragic is the idea that Mr. Miller could have died still not fully understanding what he missed out on.
May God continue to bless Daniel.
Thank you for reminding me to examine my heart and its own ugliness.
Barbara, You have no idea how impacted I am by what you share through this blog. Thank you.
Posted by: Katie B. | August 18, 2007 1:49 AM
Unfortunately, this is not at all unique. I Everyone was given far more negative advice about their infants with Down Syndrome in the 1960s. Disabilities in general were considered more shameful then and many would not accept that their own flesh and blood was not "perfect." Much of what the article says about Miller's personal feelings (or lack thereof) for his son is from anonymous sources, who may not have been so privy to the hidden aspects of his personal life. And lastly, while you and the author both attribute Daniel Miller's institutional upbringing to his father, surely his mother, Inge Morath, bears at least equal responsibility and must have approved of and condoned everything.
Posted by: ted | August 18, 2007 2:12 AM
Hello
I had no idea Arthur Miller had a son. I still can not believe that people would just put away there children, of course, I guess I should not be shocked people kill their babies before they're born due to something being "wrong".... Sigh... How sad for the family.
Amy
Posted by: Amy | August 18, 2007 5:02 PM
That was an incredible piece. I can't believe it came from a liberal magazine! Major kudos to that author.
Posted by: Becky Miller | August 20, 2007 11:14 AM
Wow that was an amazing piece. Whenever I read about institutions like the one Daniel Miller was placed in, I think of the book Skallagrigg by William Horwood, and I'm so grateful that we have at least moved on a bit from those days.
I don't know much about Arthur Miller, and it's hard to like him from what I have gleaned from that article, but his life sounded almost brittle, he lost so much by cutting that child out of his life.
Posted by: Sue | August 21, 2007 4:43 PM
"At the end, I couldn't help but sob out loud at the sad choices we humans make in our lifetimes. None of us is immune. I don't hold myself up as any better than Miller because of the unfortunate choice he made. I think that is the bittersweet part of growing old as a believer in God: you see the sadness and destruction so much more clearly, but if you have a true relationship with God, no matter how hard you've worked to make something worthy of your life you can't help but be aware of how short you've fallen yourself.
There's no pride in my heart that I made a different choice than Arthur Miller about whether to accept my own child with Down syndrome, only sadness that in all the choices which lie before us throughout life not one of us can escape falling short in some area or other.
I'm beginning to understand that the path to understanding the heart of God means allowing him to lead you through places of the deepest grieving - where judgmentalism is completely cast off as you begin to realize that it's not just a Christian slogan that "we're sinners saved by grace" and we really can't afford to hold ourselves in higher esteem just because we did some things right."
Thank you for these comments. They touched my heart this morning.
Posted by: thatmom | August 22, 2007 9:34 AM
