August 1, 2007 7:18 AM
Guest blogger: KS Milkmaid
I fell downThe cursor blinks methodically as I drum my fingers on the desk. Patiently I wait for Outlook to download emails from my server. A few email messages trickle in, just a handful compared to the oodles of emails I used to receive a few months ago. Shutting down the Kansas Milkmaid blog slowed life down. I use the mouse to click and delete the junk mail. Who knows why I am receiving so much spam? It never happened before the attacks began. Nah..surely not….. One email catches my eye? The subject line reads “How are you?” An old blog reader wants to know. There are still a few who write and ask. I often wonder how to answer such a question. Each day carries its own intense struggles and triumphs. It is anybody’s guess whether it will be a good or bad day or a mixture of both. Then it dawned on me. Here is what I should say….
“I have fallen down. It is so hard to even speak.”
These two sentences capture the breadth of emotions I experience. Yes, I have fallen down heaving tears unable to speak due to terror and fear of what is going on in my life. What does my future hold? Will I have the strength to carry on? Will my enemies feast on my life like vultures pecking at decaying road kill? How will I provide for my six children? Will we have a home? Does the farm have a future? What is going to happen to me?
Falling down is not a bad thing. It is a requirement for being broken and contrite. You see, I believe we all fall down. We fall down before something. Many days I fall down before the god of fear and despair. It is not a good place to be. Laying flat before this tyrant giant can eat away a person’s sanity and strip one of peace.
Why should I fall down before the enemy in fear when there is another option? As a Christian I have the opportunity in the midst of trials to fall down before a great and glorious God. Yes, God’s beauty still shines in harrowing darkness.
Have you ever fallen before God? Have you ever been in His presence and been so in awe of Him that you can barely even speak? Why not stop drenching the bed in tears and drench my hope in Him?
Oh God, I am in a dark place. I hurt in ways that I didn’t think a woman could ever hurt. The attacks are strong and twisted. Yet, I fall down before you, Oh great and Glorious God. I will give you Glory. The enemy will not reduce my devotion to you. You are my God and I give my all to you. You are my God, the great I AM.
This article was inspired by the song “Give You the Glory” by Jeremy Camp
Join me in raising a thousand voices to lift God’s holy name. No matter how bad life gets, you can still choose to fall down before God rather than the enemy you face. Remember falling down before God dwarfs the enemy.
Udderly His,
The Kansas Milkmaid
I have gathered all posts by and about Christina under the category KS Milkmaid. Christina checks this site for comments, so you can send her your prayers and best wishes here.
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Comments
I am speechless at your calm peace and resolve, clinging onto the Father as all else shatters around you...what an amazing inspiration you are to me. Not just of strength and of courage, but of frailty, knowing and realizing the deep need that we can not even "be" without Being in Him. and what a shelter He is!! He is teaching me through you. Thank you for allowing that.
I am holding you and your little ones deep in thought and in prayer. (((hugs)))
kristy in England
Posted by: Kristy | August 1, 2007 11:35 AM
Prayers...lots of payers. God has given you strength. I can hear it in your words.
Keep your chin high...the Lord knows all.
Posted by: Mama Koch | August 1, 2007 2:41 PM
Chris,
I am praying for you. I've not really even known if you have had internet access or anything - not wanting to intrude or weigh you down more - just wanting you to know that you have people all over the world praying for you. You are loved, and so are your children.
God - in you - is Amazing! Thanks for continuing to touch base.
Posted by: Holly | August 2, 2007 3:11 PM
