September 9, 2007 12:39 PM
Readers: your wisdom and encouragement needed
A mom recently wrote me:
I just wanted to say hi and let you know how much I still love your blog(s)! : )
I didn't come around for awhile because we had another miscarriage, then another, currently going through my 3rd this year. Anyway, it was just hard for me to read about women with large families while going through these losses.
But I peeked in a couple days ago and read the disappointing news about Samantha... I could relate emotionally so much with her. I guess I just wanted to write you and tell you I'm praying for her and their family. The way she has handled it has truly been an inspiration to me, and I'm sure others too who are dealing with loss while asking God why. Please let her know that.
Thank you for all that you do Barbara!
Dear _____,
I am so sorry to hear about your miscarriages. Believe me, I know how painful they are - I had four myself.
Please know that in celebrating big families, I only mean to encourage moms who so often face rejection and ridicule elsewhere - and sincerely regret the hurt it may cause women who are dealing with crosses such as these.
I know there are readers here who may have words of comfort and encouragement - and I'd like to invite them to speak up for all of us.
Posted in Mothering, Pro-Life Issues | Permalink
Comments
no real wisdom...just want to say to you wanted when we lost our twin girls 17 years ago...
i am so very sorry. my heart aches for you.
i don't know you but i will be praying for you tonight.
hugs
Posted by: laura | September 9, 2007 10:32 PM
Dear Sister,
Oh, how my heart aches for you! I believe that there is no greater pain than that of losing a child! I am the mother of six beautiful children here on earth, and four in heaven. Each of the four precious ones that I miscarried were, within months, followed by a pregnancy that God would allow me to carry to full term and deliver a healthy child. It was heart-wrenching because for years it seemed that I would have to lose a baby in order to have a baby! During those times, the only reassuring thought that I had was that my babies were safe in the Father's arms. Therefore, when I get to heaven, not only will I have the awesome experience of seeing Jesus face to face, but I will also finally get to meet the precious children whom I never got to hold and cherish here on earth. Oh, what a great day that will be! So, dear Sister, be encouraged that your little ones are with the Father, and someday you'll have a great family reunion in heaven where He will wipe every tear from our eyes! My heart and prayers are with you.
In His Love,
Tammy
Posted by: Tammy | September 10, 2007 8:43 AM
My heart aches for all women who must endure such losses. I understand how painful they are. It truly is a cross to bear. Please know that you are not alone in your pain, it is real and can be so difficult. After having five healthy children myself, I had a miscarriage at 12weeks with infertility after. I am just pregnant now a year after my miscarriage. I really believe that I endured this pain so that I can now help others. Before this past year, I could never understand the pain a couple had to endure during infertility and miscarriages. It also was a test of my faith, and I know my faith is stronger now because of what I went through. So hang in there, never stop trusting in God. Also, if I can recommend any physical help it would be to try the Creighton Method of NFP. It is run by Dr. Hilgers of the Pope Paul VI Institute. They have helped couples, many who have spent thousands on failed IVF treatments. Good Luck
Posted by: Carolyn | September 10, 2007 9:01 AM
I also suffered 3 miscarriages in 1 year -- and it was my first year of marriage, too. It was hard, and painful, and exhausting -- and it spurred me to find out about Heaven, because I wanted to know more about where my precious babies had gone. It was a very hard time, but the spiritual growth was dramatic and real.
I do not know what God will accomplish in your life through your miscarriages. But I can tell you, even if it doesn't look like it right now, there is light at the end of this tunnel, and you will live to reach it. And let me encourage you, if you haven't already, to get a good medical work-up done -- I did, and it turned out that my miscarriages were caused by PCOS-related progesterone deficiencies. I'm nearing the end now of my 7th pregnancy, 3rd to make it to term, and hoping that one day, I may have more children with me here than waiting for me in Heaven. But in the meantime, they are being cared for by the best Father any of us could wish for, and I will see them at last when God calls me Home.
Newt
Posted by: Newt Sherwin | September 10, 2007 9:24 AM
What words can describe the heartache of a mother who has lost her little one (whether born, or not?)
There is nothing to say.
I have lost three babies, and it really hurts when I am out with my other children (I have 7 living) and people say "Aren't you going to stop" or "How many are you going to have"? Because I want to tell them that I'm missing three... that sometimes when I count heads it doesn't seem like there are enough. They are gone, but not forgotten.
For a Christian, though, it is bittersweet because even as you mourn the loss of a getting to know your darling here, there is the hope of Heaven. How good God is, that He is already preparing a welcoming committee for those mothers!
Posted by: Milehimama | September 10, 2007 11:44 AM
I am sorry dear heart. I pray that this season of loss will pass for you. I also pray that you will continue to reach out to your sisters in suffering who have experience the same type of loss.
I too lost three babies in about a year, and then was followed by a fourth loss. It was a time that now I hold precious as a time of trial and soul and heaven searching. I learned that God comforts us the workings of daily life through small blessings. I also learned to not complain about by earthly children, remembering them as blessings, and how to be sensitive to those who have had loss in their life. One thing I look forward to upon my Homecalling is to see my heavenly father and also my heavenly babies.
Posted by: 7sunflowers | September 10, 2007 4:18 PM
I am so sorry for the pain you are experiencing. Hope deferred makes the heart grow sick and I am sorry for the hope that has disappointed you repeatedly.
I am praying for you that your hopes and dreams would be fulfilled and that God would replace your emptiness with tremendous joy and satisfaction.
Posted by: Elizabeth | September 10, 2007 11:13 PM
I can totally empathize. I went through 4 years of infertility, to then go through infertility treatments. The first 2 worked and we got pregnant then we lost both of the babies. After 4 more treatments though, this past July I welcomed a healthy baby girl into this world.
I never identified with the word "miscarriage". To me, I lost a baby. A baby that for reasons not understood by me, got to bypass earth and go straight to heaven. It was hard to grieve the fact that I would never know those babies on earth. But I took comfort in knowing that I would someday meet them. I pray that you are able to grieve your loss and then move forward. It was also helpful for me to do something to remember the baby, so I named them and made a scrapbook/journal for each of them.
Posted by: Kristy C | September 13, 2007 12:35 AM
