September 1, 2007 10:59 PM
When a victim of domestic violence has to go to court
My last post on this subject started a discussion which produced a comment I thought everyone should read. When I referred to an abused woman being subjected to a second round of abuse in court, I was assuming that everyone already knew what I was talking about.
But maybe not.
In 1972, when I moved to San Francisco, I helped start a group called San Francisco Women Against Rape, which in addition to trying to raise public awareness on the issue of violence against women, ran a 24-hour hotline and provided shelter, clothing and personal support for rape victims - including accompanying them to the police station and to court if they wished. I saw firsthand the terrible ordeal that a rape victim goes through on the stand, so I have a starting place for understanding what a victim of years of domestic violence must go through facing the man who's controlled and abused and degraded her for years - now with a defense team who will continue her public humiliation and "friends" in the courtroom who take his word that his wife is nuts.
This commenter on my last post summed it up accurately:
When the defense has a weak case, they have to ruin the credibility of the victim/witness as a last ditch effort to get the criminal off. It is a two prong approach. 1) Terrorize and intimidate victims into not testifying because they will have their character maligned publicly if so. 2) Create doubt about the stability of the victim in the minds of the jury and judge. It is no longer a fact to fact case but look at how messed up the victim is.This may seem cut and dry legalities to some, but for those who have endured years of psychological terror at the hands of the abuse, it gives the perpetrator more opportunity to abuse in a public setting. Family, friends and church members all jump into the legal process offering unsolicited advice and even their own verdict before all the evidence is heard. Victims are often already isolated and demoralized. The goal of many victims is to have the pain stopped. Instead, the legal process or the justice system allows perpetrators to hire lawyers to create smoke screens and terrorize victims more. During the legal process it is not uncommon for defense lawyers to hire private investigators to scope out the victim in the area of credibility. To an already stalked victim this creates a wealth of secondary trauma.
Many abusers justify their abuse and blame their victims. Perpetrators feel they have a right to use whatever means necessary to stay in control. They will use and and all weaknesses of their victims to justify the abuse. The emphasis during the trial becomes on the victim as a smoke screen . There should be provision made in the law to protect victims from the abuser and the hired guns. Did you know that they often hire PI's to search around in the victim's past? This snooping can be a very disconcerting thing when there is abuse and stalking involved. There are some efforts to protect the victims that have just been started in some states, like rape shield laws. However, much more work needs to be done to prevent abusers from using defense lawyers to harass and disrupt the privacy of the victims.
In the case of a Christian man being tried for domestic violence, the worst part of this stereotypical scenario is that the church usually had a lead of several years knowing what was going on and refusing to deal with it, but blaming the victim and backing the husband's control.
If church leaders had done what they should have done in this situation, it would not have come to this. And now - because of their passivity and/or ignorance - having ended up in in court, they add to the victim's further humiliation by becoming part of the defense, dredging up memories of her confessed and forgiven sins to use as ammunition against her.
For shame!
I am beginning to think seriously about pursuing the issue of domestic violence in Christian homes - and the church's response - with a publisher next spring. I have already received several emails from women who grew up in homes where their mothers were abused. I am grateful for those who are speaking out publicly. I think it's time to begin to acknowledge and deal with this issue where biblical wisdom is twisted into something which would allow abuse to continue and to grow in secret.
It is in darkness that sin flourishes within the body of Christ.
We need to bring it into the light. I am far from the writing stage, just collecting and thinking. I'm starting a folder of contacts and stories. If you would like to be part of this project, please write me. I will not publish anything without your consent.
And again: if you are a Christian woman who is being abused or controlled, please call for help. If your church won't help you, go to a secular organization that will. Search online. Call a hotline.
If you are a church leader who has not been offering proper help to women like KS Milkmaid, I beg you to research so that you can properly care for your sheep. My experience has been that God gives the church a chance to deal with internal sin, but when his appointed leaders turn a blind eye, He will use other ways to expose and deal with it.
Unfortunately, that means further public humiliation for the victim. But as Jesus in all his innocence bore the whip and thorns and finally the cross, the woman who can go through this has done what must be done for the sake of justice. I think Christina is brave beyond belief. Her courage is a testimony to the strength of God to carry us when the world has left us all alone.
When this is behind her, I am sure she will have a lot to say.
Posted in Domestic violence, KS Milkmaid | Permalink
Comments
Wow Barbara,
It would be wonderful for you to tackle this topic! Most Christians are unaware of the abuse that takes place in families in our own church families.
If your book details some symptoms and signals of abuse, the veil of ignorance can be removed and perhaps some of these families can get the help they need.
What I have seen is that the victim stays in an abusive marriage as long as possible and then bails out, but there is no healing for either partner or their children.
More broken people left to try to pick up the pieces without the help of the church. It should not be!
Recently a friend confided in me that she had harshly judged a woman in our church for divorcing several years ago. She had shunned this woman and not befriended her, though they have kids the same age and live near each other.
They were both at a retreat recently where the woman shared with a small group some of the abuse she had endured and my friend's heart broke! She learned a valuable lesson about knowing the whole story before making judgment.
I hope we all learn it.
Posted by: Elizabeth | September 2, 2007 1:42 PM
I would appreciate it if everyone who quotes the "God hates divorce" line would read the verse as it's written in its entirety in the NIV.
The closure is "So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith"
But comes after, "I hate divorce," says the LORD God of Israel, "and I hate a man's covering himself with violence as well as with his garment," says the LORD Almighty.
I think God sees the violence as disgusting and soul-wounding as the divorce that is so much more "obvious" and so condemned.
Posted by: Amy Jane | September 3, 2007 5:19 PM
Below please find an excerpt from the local paper here.
http://www.reporterandfarmer.com/PAGES/memories.html
August 29, 1907
The editor was waited upon yesterday by a party of good men and informed that a certain man in the city was in the habit of beating his wife. The woman loves the brute so that she cannot be induced to swear out a complaint against him. These gentlemen said they wished notice served upon him through the paper that unless he desisted they would wait upon him some evening and give him the realization of how it seems to get a good horse whipping. We were not informed who the individual is but we can say the gentlemen talked as though they meant business.
I thought of this when reading your post.
Peggy (sweetmama)
Posted by: Peggy | September 4, 2007 10:07 AM
Thank you so much for posting this. As an attorney who previously represented domestic violence survivors I found it so frustrating that many clergy refused to acknowledge domestic violence as a problem, or even worse, would convince the woman that they were "sinning" and should return to their abusive husband! Anything you can do to raise awareness of this issue and to help the clergy help the survivors instead of protecting the abusers is so necessary.
Posted by: Karen | September 4, 2007 10:34 AM
Right on, Barbara!
You said:
"I think Christina is brave beyond belief. Her courage is a testimony to the strength of God to carry us when the world has left us all alone."
Courageous Christina...that has a nice ring to it! This situation has been a reminder to me to do what is right, no matter how difficult that may be. Continue to be strong in the Lord, Christina. He will not fail you!
Posted by: purebillow | September 5, 2007 12:38 AM
Barbara, have you heard anything more from Christina since her court date? I'd love to know how she's doing.
Thanks!
Newt
Posted by: Newt Sherwin | September 16, 2007 11:38 PM
