November 23, 2007 7:59 AM
Thanksgiving at our house
Over the last few years, we've added a piece to our Thanksgiving celebration - taking family pictures. Since these tend to end up in Christmas cards or emails, I asked everyone to wear red this year.
I don't know what's going on weather-wise where you live, but here in northern Virginia we've just had two days of 70-ish weather. There's been no snow in sight and definitely not enough rain (well, I say that even as I know that God knows what is "enough" to accomplish His purposes :)
But the result has been that the leaves have stayed on the trees much longer than usual. Samantha (my oldest daughter, now 38) and I have not had a phone conversation without commenting on how absolutely spectacular the leaves are that day - but then the next they are even better. Here and there in the DC area, you will see whole trees cloaked in yellow or scarlet . Maybe you take this for granted, but for a family that lived in California without the change of seasons for 30 years, I think we will always see it as a miracle. I mean, God could have just given us a world to live in. But he made it gorgeous - and filled with stuff that sparks our imaginations. Doesn't it just speak of His incomprehensible love for us?
As usual, I digress. But I often write my blog in the morning before anyone is up and I'm drinking my coffee and truly feeling like someone I love is just across the table, drinking hers. Oh, Lord, I do so thank you for this very special instrument of communication you've given us. What a gift this has been! And thank you to all who come to visit here and consider me a friend.
So, before dinner we take our pictures - which worked out great because as we were taking them, we could see black clouds rolling in from the west. Sure enough, it did rain just a little as we were finally putting dinner on.
Here are the pictures.
Josh and Hattie. Aren't they cute? We have pictures of this same pose all the way back to Josh taking her to her Senior Prom. But they are growing up fast as soon after their first anniversary, Hattie was in great pain and even lost the ability to walk. Last August, she was discovered to have a tumor on her spine, which meant surgery, and replacement of a three-inch section of her spine and relearning to walk (it is an eerie sight to see a young woman with a walker). Before even recovering from that, they found a tumor on her thyroid, leading to the complete removal of her thyroid gland and radioactive iodide treatments. She and Josh are returning to normal, but they know they are privileged to have had this kind of experience which gave them the opportunity to draw closer to God (I'm not putting words in their mouths - this is what they said when we did our Five Kernels of Corn tradition during dinner).
The girls at home in the family. There are family dinners and there are family dinners. But at Thanksgiving we spend a couple hours at the table giving thanks and really reflecting: looking behind and also looking ahead. Next year Sophia will be going to college, leaving just Maddy and the Downzers at home. Sophia had been planning all this time to go to James Madison University to major in theater arts. But a couple weeks ago, with no input from her dad or me, she began talking about going to Liberty University, where Ben and Zach go. The paralysis which had surrounded her application process to JMU - she just couldn't find the time! - suddenly lifted and she immediately filled out her application and has already been accepted. Ever had the Holy Spirit work like that in your life, literally blocking you from taking the wrong path? And I only mean "wrong" in terms of being outside God's Plan A. Sure we can take Plan B - I've done that many times myself - but it's not easy and it eventually becomes clear to me that the reason it wasn't easy was because God was waiting for me to catch a clue!
During the Five Kernels of Corn, Maddy gave thanks that she would have the privilege of being the only one home with the Downzers. What a remarkable girl! She has been wonderful about taking Jonny - who is one year older but in the same grade - to the football games, movies and parties. He is so blessed to have a larger social world because of her. The kids love Jonny, but I his typical peers don't think to invite him to parties. He is so social - God certainly knew what he was doing when he gave Jonny a sister 54 weeks after his birth. A gift that keeps on giving.
I am old enough to be Sophia and Maddy's grandmother. What a blessing - after falling so short in the early years of my first two daughters - to have an opportunity to learn to be a good mom! I think it is that kind of transformation that God has wrought in me which keeps me from getting smug or self-righteous. I know how vulnerable we all are to sin and how dependent we are on his mercy to achieve anything at all.
Justin - my youngest. Some of you have heard this story:
Still, when Catholic Charities called in 2000 to ask if we would consider adopting another baby with Down syndrome, I had to say: “I’m 52, I’m wearing down. I’m sorry. I have to say no.†As I hung up the phone, 12-year-old Sophia confronted me: “Mom, I can’t believe that you would say no!†and I felt as though she was right. Who was I to close a door God might be trying to open? ~~~read the whole story at A Tale of Four Adoptions
How grateful I am that God used a child's admonition to reach my hard heart! Justin has been the perfect exclamation point for this part of our family's story.
Jonny did not want to be in this picture as he was identifying with his older brothers more than with the younger. And of course, getting a good shot of these four gentlemen-in-the-making is a bit like herding cats. But having them in our family is something that everyone - from oldest (me) to the youngest (My granddaughter Trinity) - gave thanks for yesterday. My, how they have changed our world - and how much God has taught us!
Here is the family picture - thank goodness for digital so you can take lots and lots of pictures without spending money to come up with one decent shot. In years past I have perched my camera on a rickety wooden ladder, arranged everyone, set the timer and run to join the family. This year I bought a tripod on sale so this year I felt like a real pro (!)
Missing from the picture is Matt - who is an actor and had a show - and his sweetheart Missy. Missy made sure Matt called us after the show. The fact that she tries to keep him connected to his family really endears her to us. Missy lives at home with her family and goes to college and also sings/acts professionally. They are a good match.
Also missing is my second daughter Jasmine and her family. This was our third Thanksgiving without them and also marks the first anniversary of her withdrawing from our family. They live 25 minutes away from us, and 7 or 8 minutes away from Samantha. Neither Jasmine nor her husband will return phone calls from any of us and have turned down our offers to go to counseling - even with their own pastor. Many of you have asked about the status of this broken link - which involves five grandchildren (soon to be six) who are being kept from relationship with their grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins. In hopes of a reconciliation, I've been silent about the situation. But that hasn't worked and I do intend to share some of the things I've learned from this heartache soon. There may be some lessons there for others. In the meantime, please pray for this sad, sad situation.
And remember if you have anything similar going on in your family: even as you continue to pray and acknowledge your grief, do not let it crowd out the goodness going on or in any way detract from the celebration of God's gift of family. I think all of us have learned through this rejection how important it is to communicate, to love and to forgive. God never gives up on us. We should never give up on each other.
Okay. The kids made me include this. After taking a dozen shots, they wanted to do something silly. So I set the timer and we all did something silly. Except Zach, who has a little streak of rebellion/individualism. I would never publish this except to please my children. So for those of my children who read my blog (a small percentage - like 8% maybe - just Zach), here it is.
Also, for those of you who are given to this kind of thing - trying to learn to take better pictures - it's useful for another reason. When I acquiesced to the silly shot, I exacted a promise: one last picture attempt. And it was the picture I took after this (which you saw above it) which turned out to be the keeper.
Lesson: let them relax with a silly shot, then do one more.
More craziness after the rigors of Mom's pictures:)
Samantha, Kip and my grandchildren Tim, Patrick, Andrew, Jeffrey, and Trinity. Next year, hopefully, there will be one more as they are in the process of adopting a baby from Guatemala.
Kip was one of the gifts I gave thanks for yesterday during the Five Kernels of Corn. It's something I'd been meaning to do at my blog for quite a while.
We have know Kip since Samantha, Jasmine and I moved from San Francisco to Marin County in 1980. Kip was in Samantha's fifth grade class at Sun Valley School. They started dating in high school, with his mom driving them on dates. In 1987, when Tripp and I became Christians it became very evident that they needed God in their lives too to keep their relationship on the right track. They both committed their lives to the Lord, and from then on led pure lives until their marriage in 1989. Kip has been the most wonderful husband and father that two parents could wish their daughter to have. In addition to being a good provider, he just brings a lovingkindness to his relationship with his children which is wonderful to see. He also finds time to coach soccer and serve his church. God has been so gracious in this addition to our family.
This is the traditional shot of our table which everyone has asked to see. This is the best of the bunch. That's Jesse with his hands shielding his face - Enough with the pictures already!
In addition to Down syndrome, Jesse was recently diagnosed with autism - something I've known for a long time, but now it's established medically and educationally. When I signed on to adopt kids with Down syndrome, I did not sign on for autism. I'm saying this with a smile at my own all-too-human response to the curveballs God sends our way. Thank you God for loving me and challenging me and keeping me on my toes.
I am reminded as always to give thanks to God in all things, and to pick up the unexpected cross with gratitude that God has judged me worthy of participating in this journey.
And btw, Jesse did come to life again when the food was at the table. He has really come a long way. For an autistic child to exist in this very extroverted, noisy family is certainly a struggle, I'm sure. Yay for Jesse! And yay for how far he's come! And what a reminder that our emotional difficulties are no excuse for not demanding the best of ourselves. God came to heal and renew.
May the coming year bring healing and renewal in all of our families!
Posted in My life, Thanksgiving | Permalink
Comments
Gorgeous Family!!!
Posted by: Tracy | November 23, 2007 9:50 AM
Gorgeous FAMILY, Barbara! :) Thank you for being so personal here on your blog.
Much love and many, many prayers for all of yours. I DO pray for you and the relationship with your daughter - It is my fervent prayer that God heals this area of your lives.
Posted by: Holly | November 23, 2007 10:17 AM
Just Beautiful! You must be so proud of all your children.
And the leaves in the D.C. area are just incredible.
Posted by: Liz in D.C. | November 23, 2007 10:50 AM
Your sure don't look 60. So much for kids aging you prematurely. :)
I hope I can be the matriarch of such a big beautiful family one day. It doesn't get any better than that.
Posted by: paigeu | November 23, 2007 10:57 AM
Happy Thanksgiving! What a wonderful group. Thanks for sharing your family with us. I pray that I too may be blessed with a group like that some day. The more the merrier!
Posted by: Tiffany | November 23, 2007 3:32 PM
what a lovely beautiful family, thanks for sharing a glmipse of your of your family/personal life with us!
In JMJ,
MM
Posted by: mm | November 24, 2007 12:28 AM
What a beautiful beautiful set of pictures!!! And, Barbara, whoooo baby, you are looking GOOD!!!! :)
God's blessings be on you and your gorgeous brood.
Posted by: Molly | November 24, 2007 2:27 AM
thank you for sharing your wonderful blessings with us. I love all the photos! the 2nd silly one is excellent. it'd be a good one to print and frame!
Posted by: allena | November 24, 2007 11:21 AM
I love the silly one. It shows the fun personalities in your family.
Posted by: Becky Miller | November 24, 2007 5:39 PM
