November 24, 2007 8:01 AM
Who are the real spiritual heroes?
One of the blessings of Thanksgiving is that it spurs the local news outlets to look for good news.
Another story of a faithful pair of parents who took on more than most:
Four Years Later: Twins found like caged animals now thriving
November is National Adoption Awareness Month. And I don't know if you've noticed, but I certainly have, that adoption seems to be on the rise. How I wish that some "Spiritual Icons" like Doug Phillips would risk the perfect photo ops to model for his followers that the Christian life is not about wearing the right clothes and reading the right books and dressing your kids in the right period dress - but that it is about taking risks, abandoning our fear of losing control and letting God move through you to be a witness to what the real Christian life should look like.
I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink'...Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when was it that we saw you hungry and gave you food, or thirsty and gave you something to drink?...'Truly I tell you, just as you did it to one of the least of these who are members of my family, you did it to me.' Matthew 25:35, 37, 40
It is a travesty that so much of the Christian world today is built on personalities and merchandising. By convincing others that he has a "perfect" family, a Christian leader can wield enormous influence - creating an empire that supports that family in a more-than-comfortable lifestyle and deluding followers into thinking they can have it too if they buy the right stuff.
What if he modeled humility? What if he modeled the faith and sacrifice shown by the foster/now adoptive parents of those two hopeless boys - "the least of these." What a powerful influence he could have. To me, when God places you in a position of leadership, you are called not to a pedestal but to kneeling like Jesus to wash the disciples' feet. You have a responsibility to model (true) sacrifice and service.
Since I became a Christian, I have had two women heroes: Joan of Arc and Mother Teresa. Joan of Arc because God spoke to a lowly girl - asking her to do the impossible - and she obeyed. Mother Teresa because to me she is the epitome of selfless service.
We are privileged that Mother Teresa put service first, taking care of the lepers in Calcutta, but occasionally came out to speak to us about what motivated her: Whatever You Did Unto the Least of These, You Did Unto Me.
I have a friend/Bible study partner at my evangelical church - which actually has a very high number of adopted children (it truly is the best evangelical church I've ever attended and the people there - many of whom are 100% pro-life - are wonderful, true Christians) - on the verge of an empty nest who with her husband has decided to adopt a child with a disability. In January they will leave for China to bring home their new son and begin the parenting journey all over again - only this time with a child with special needs.
What a wonderful testimony! These are the people we should count as our heroes, not the men merchandising a ministry. Bless them and everyone like them who will allow God to take them out of their comfort zone and into uncharted territory.
I'm beginning to understand that it's in the uncharted territory that we must listen most carefully for his voice and must truly let his word be "a lamp unto our feet."
Hmmmm. I notice that the psalmist didn't stop by saying the word was a lamp - which would have been a nice metaphor - the word illuminates, doesn't it? But it says "a lamp unto my feet" which tells me I am supposed to be following a path. God didn't intend for us to reach a safe place and study the Word and discuss it for the rest of our lives. He wanted us to do something with it.
What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him? Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, "Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it?In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.
But someone will say, "You have faith; I have deeds."
Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do.
You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that—and shudder.
You foolish man, do you want evidence that faith without deeds is useless[d]? Was not our ancestor Abraham considered righteous for what he did when he offered his son Isaac on the altar? You see that his faith and his actions were working together, and his faith was made complete by what he did. And the scripture was fulfilled that says, "Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness," and he was called God's friend. You see that a person is justified by what he does and not by faith alone.
In the same way, was not even Rahab the prostitute considered righteous for what she did when she gave lodging to the spies and sent them off in a different direction? As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead.
~~~James 2:14-26~~~
It doesn't seem an accident any longer that my favorite book of the Bible has always been James. If you haven't read the whole book lately - please do. I've referred to it in my writings about materialism and favoritism in the church. And it doesn't seem an accident that my life has turned out the way it has based on my choice of role models.
I'd like to make a gentle suggestion that you think about who your heroes are. Spend a few weeks contemplating what it is about them that you admire. Ask God to speak to you about your choices.
Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.
~~~Psalm 37:4~~~
God does promise to give us the desires of our hearts. It's up to us to make sure those desires are based on serving others rather than serving ourselves. That's what delighting ourselves in Him is all about.
Posted in Adoption, Catholicism, Church Issues, Inspiration | Permalink
Comments
Barbara, as someone who grew up in a very church-y small town, where the essence of being a Christian seemed to be perfect nails, children kept quiet and "charismatic" church leaders, rather than being "Christ-like", I think you have struck the nail on the head!
Posted by: Alison | November 24, 2007 2:36 PM
I understand what you are saying... and agree with the premise. However I'm puzzled as to why you mentioned Doug Phillips a couple times in this post? Do all christian families have to have an ugly or disabled child to be considered godly and following God? I guess I don't understand the bringing up of another brother's name in a post like this.
Posted by: agatha | November 24, 2007 8:14 PM
barbara, this was so well spoken. i have been too long beaten down by the type of people you speak of. i just finished 9 years of homeschooling and trying to make things "look" pleasing. only to have it begin crashing down with the adoption of our little boy who is mentally ill. the perfect homeschool/church world just doesn't have a whole lot of grace to share. BUT....i am blessed with 4 children, 2 of whom are adopted and each day i tell them that they are God's gift to me. and they are. i refuse to try to fit into a "vision forum" style set of standards, i refuse to allow something or someone other than the Word of God to teach me how to live a life that glorifies God. your blog is like a balm to my soul. thank you for sharing.
Posted by: julie | November 24, 2007 9:59 PM
Love it. Thanks for the encouragement.
When God has makes it simple for us, and really boils it all down for us in scripture, He says:
Love God, and love your neighbor as yourself. And also: Do justice, love mercy, walk humbly with your God. These are the "final exam" questions. The only time he really boils it down for us AND uses specifics, He chooses to cite our care for widows and orphans.
I've always had the general suspicion that God has called many more foster and adoptive parents in His church than there are in practice. I see the subtle rise in adoption, too, and rejoice in that!
You're so right about heroes. Those who DO justice and DO mercy in Christ's name and love deserve our admiration, even if they are much rougher around the edges than the picture of Christianity advanced by some.
Posted by: marian | November 24, 2007 10:36 PM
Dear Agatha -
I think Julie's comment following yours answers why I mention him specifically. When the Ezzos began, I was one of the first people to buck the bandwagon to point out the problems in their teaching and the cultlike mentality it produced. That was 1996.
Likewise, today I see a lot of problems around the Vision Forum ministry. Aside from the sheer merchandising factor - which is becoming more and more repugnant as it mushrooms - this kind of rigid package causes great damage in the body of Christ by setting an impossibly high standard (extra-biblical) which plays on people's insecurities and to which very few people can measure up. It's not real. And it focuses on things that are not important. It's a distraction. And it makes a lot of money for the Philips family while encouraging people to put them on a pedestal. It's idolatry, really.
In addition, there is much evidence that Doug Phillips has become way too arrogant - a sort of mini-Pope who has mistreated those "under his authority" and remains accountable to no one.
Hey, as a good homeschooling mom I bought Indian outfits from VF (when they were on sale) in 1997 maybe. Oh, and my boys read most of the Henty books. It all looked pretty innocent then. But let's face it, Vision Forum has taken on some cultlike characteristics in the way Doug Phillips has responded to criticism by circling the wagons and by becoming increasingly more insular and dogmatic.
I know I'm just an ordinary woman, so who am I to question a big important person like Doug Phillips? But that seems to be the way God works sometimes, doesn't it? He gives us warnings before we fall.
Posted by: barbara | November 24, 2007 11:06 PM
Sadly, there are many who would love to adopt like myself but we can't because the cost is too great. I hope someday I will have the funds. I would LOVE to adopt. That has always been our dream.
Posted by: Virginia | November 24, 2007 11:29 PM
Dear Barbara,
I was over on another blog where this very topic came up yesterday and carried over today. Someone alluded to an LAF affiliated person's blog that talked of the poor dress of elderly women and the poorly attired women as they fled from Hurricaine Katrina. Those of us who blogged about these appalling statements and the familiar "be ye warmed and filled" from the VF crowd's foolish statements were rebuked for our lack of grace and love for our Sisters in Christ.
Today, I noted that all the elements of the whole book of James were addressed on that blog over the course of the day. I mentioned it online and realized how much I have not yet gleaned from that book. Spunky posted a portion of your blog entry here over on that blog, and I was greatly encouraged. I'm blessed to see you also quote James here as well, and I find that quite validating.
God bless you for your willingness to speak truthfully about some of these groups that count us brethren but throw us under the train as apostates when it suits their agenda. I'm grateful for your faithful witness and testimony in these and other matters.
Posted by: Cindy | November 25, 2007 1:27 AM
Barbara, the underlying message of this post and how it relates to Doug Phillips is far more apropos than even you realize. As a strong pro-life supporter, I always wondered why Doug never took advantage of a real-life, pro-life opportunity right under his nose.
Although this isn't an adoption story, it still fits the meaning of your post here, I believe. When I was pregnant with my last, there was no movement in the womb (except for the daily hiccups), and I knew something was wrong. I had a friend who had had a Down Syndrome baby a couple years earlier, so I figured that's what it was. We had actually wanted to adopt a Down Syndrome child, so we weren't devastated at the thought. But although Alicia was not born with Down Syndrome, her disabilities were much more severe.
Alicia is a sweet and beautiful little girl, and spent most of her growing up years in Doug Phillips' church, but I can't ever recall him greeting her in the five years we were there (ALL day every Sunday and many days in between), even though our congregation was about 125. In fact, he once prayed for our TWO children (the older two), but didn't even realize we had Alicia after we had already been there nearly five years.
Alicia provided many opportunities for people to show how a Christian is to care for the "least of these," and many people truly did. She also had more love to give in return than anyone else. She is the epitome of unconditional love. It is too bad Doug Phillips couldn't see how much she loved him.
Posted by: Jen | November 25, 2007 1:41 AM
Dear Virginia -
For many years I have long advocated churches gathering funds for families who want to adopt with the same passion they support missionaries.
Also, Catholic Charities handled two of our three adoptions for free because they involved special needs/hard-to-place children. This was in California, so I don't know if they do this in other states, but it's worth checking out. We were not Catholic at the time and that was not an issue.
If you sincerely want to adopt, I believe that raising the funds can be done once you set your mind to it - don't give up before doing some research. God does like to see us involved in overcoming obstacles.
I do not read other blogs so was unaware that anyone else had addressed the VF issue recently. I've addressed DP's leadership style here before and was removed from LAF's approved list. I'm glad to hear that others are concerned too - even if we are only women.
(Which reminds me: I've met a lot of Christian leaders in my life and there are some that you just feel the humility and grace straight from their hearts - like Chuck Colson, who shook my hand when I interviewed him in San Francisco in 1999 and said, " A mother of 11! I should be interviewing you!" - he is a Catholic, btw. I have met a few who were quite arrogant. I wish we all had a built-in pride-o-meter which would make us flee leaders like this so that they could get to work dealing with their personal issues of contorl and pride before inflicting them on the body of Christ.)
And this goes back to Agatha's comment about why I would criticize a brother in Christ: I believe it's wrong for Christian leaders to pretend that their families are perfect or that they are somehow a few rungs above their followers. anyone who has read my books or reads regularly here or hears me speak knows that I am careful to let people know that I am a sinner dependent on God's mercy and grace just like anyone else.
Jen - I woke up with the thought this morning -= in further answer to Agatha's question - that I couldn't think of how Doug Phillips had modeled Jesus's words - “In as much as you’ve done it to the least of these, you’ve done it to me.â€
I have seen two kinds of Christian leadership: those that lift themselves/allow themselves to be lifted onto a pedestal and those who truly understand and live the model Jesus gave us - of serving and lifting up others.
Posted by: barbara | November 25, 2007 6:36 AM
Barbara- I just went to the website for doug phillips and noticed the beautiful girlhood series. I admit the whole thing rubbed me the wrong way and yet I am not sure yet whether I can articulate why. I gathered from a brief overview that discouraging independence for unmarried women is the goal of some of the literature, and I can't understand why this would be necessary. It almost seems to be imply that a girl cannot be trusted to live a virtuous life unless she is under the headship of a man. I am not trying to jump to negative conclusions but I would like to know more about this from you or any of your readers.
Posted by: paigeu | November 25, 2007 9:00 AM
Thanks for being vulnerable with us. I have always said that Jesus was vulnerable to the point of death! I have also heard it said, don't be so sure of anything, that you can't hear God!
I have been homeschooling for 27 years. I have 9 children. We have that many children because that is how the Lord led us. I have always felt like the "odd man out" because our family did not fit a "mold", not the Doug Phillips mold, the No Greater Joy mold, the Bill Gothard mold; we like music with a beat, after all!!
To be honest, it has only been in the last few years that I have begun to experience the freedom that I feel the Lord has for our family. My stretch Levi Strauss jeans fit better now, and it is not because I lost weight.
Check out my blog for some of my “real life†processing. HOPEN4MORE
I have embraced that God made me human; chin hairs, jeans, music with a beat, occasional "beef" with my husband and teenagers that roll their eyes. However, in that realization, I gained a greater understanding of the grace and extravagant love of God. I am beginning to understand that HIS design is a transforming process that ends when we meet Him face to face. He is not surprised by my humanness and I shouldn't loath it. I am His human child that HE is creating into the image of HIS SON! WOW! He put HIS SPIRIT IN me...God HIMSELF IN me! That is enough to make me want to dance a jig!
I have become very leery of those who hold up a standard; i.e., THEMSELVES, as model of righteousness, while the CROSS of CHRIST is in the background, covered in a misty fog of pride and arrogance. "My dog's better than your dog, my dog's better than your's. My dog's better cuz he eats...." We could fill in the blank. We could substitute, "MY CHILD'S" better than your child.... "cuz" he doesn't do this, this and this.
The Lord has given me a burden for this bondage that I see homeschoolers putting themselves under. As the Lord has given me opportunities to speak, it has been from this heart. I pray the Lord sets us free from the "ites" mentality and we all turn our eyes on JESUS!
Posted by: Sharon | November 25, 2007 12:22 PM
I just wanted to mention for Virginia and others who may be reading that adoption does not have to be expensive--here in Canada, adoption of children who are in the foster care system (which doesn't mean you must be a foster parent--you can adopt children directly without ever fostering) is FREE. I understand this is the case in the US, too. Here, at least, prospective parents are not required to meet any kind of crazy income requirements, either--my husband and I are students, and we're in the process of adopting in this way. Some adoptable children in care are very young, and many have issues/challenges that are no more significant than those of internationally adopted children. The difference is that with children who are in care, extensive medical info and background info is available (along with supports to help parents address any issues that may arise), whereas with international adoption, this is usually not the case. This creates the mistaken impression that children from overseas are "safer" or "less damaged" than many children in care.
In my province, in many cases, the government continues to provide significant financial support to families who qualify for it (which is many of them) until the adopted child turns 18. There is a huge, huge, huge need for families to adopt children who are "in the system."
I'm not suggesting Virginia specifically hasn't considered this type of adoption, because I don't know--I just mean this as a general encouragement, because I know I didn't consider this type of adoption until I'd been feeling God's leading towards adoption for years already. I wrote off the kids in my own backyard for ages without even really looking into it because of all the horror stories we hear in the media. It's not for everyone, but it's a good option for some.
Posted by: B. | November 26, 2007 2:17 PM
I'm glad that I came across this. I have asked my husband for years to adopt, all of a sudden, out of the blue he has said, 'let's do it!' Because we have a very meager income, yet we live frugally, we know we could not afford to adopt privately, so we are going to try to go through our local DHR. But I have to admit that I am very nervous about dealing with them. As home educators we have always stayed WAY AWAY FROM THEM! Also, our finances do not make sense on paper I'm not sure if they will approve us. That, and we have no medical insurance.
So once we made the decision to go ahead with this I've started to think of what children are truly in need? I mean, children that have been mistreated or abandoned and that are now in the State's hands, I would think these children are just as needy as any child in any country.
Our children are about grown. Our two youngest are 13 and 17 and are wonderful nurturers. We all know there are many challanges ahead of us, and that it will be ALOT of work, but after all isn't THAT why we are here?
As far as DP, I credit him a lot for helping us see the true value of children. His messages were instrumental in turning our hearts towards home and it was after a Father Son Retreat that my husband agreed for me to have a tubal reversal. He has alot of good things to say. I do not know him personally and I feel that it is not my place to speak against a brother. Although they do give the appearance a extreme materialism, and that is a turn off for me. I also learned a little from the Pearls, but I also think they are dead wrong about some things, the same from Gothard. We gleaned what worked for our family and left the rest. There is no simple, cut and dry formula to living a Christian life, being married or raising children.
I would love to hear from people that adopted from their State system.
You are always challanging Barbara! :o)
Posted by: kathy | November 27, 2007 5:28 PM
