November 17, 2007 6:54 AM
Evangelical to Catholic: my journey #3 - Barbara goes to Mass
[Note: this is part of a continuing series chronicling my journey from evangelicalism to Catholicism. This series is not meant to cause division, but to reveal division already there - and to spark honest discussion. As an evangelical I've heard and continue to hear lots of criticism of the Catholic church but little self-examination on the Protestant side. So if my comments seem more directed towards questioning nonCatholic believers, that is why. Please, if you are new to this discussion, realize that a lot of ground has already been covered in the comments and read through those on previous entries before rehashing old news. I am receiving a lot of feedback that this has been an eye-opening and thought-provoking series for many believers on either side. If that is the case, then I consider my call as a writer fulfilled. I can only hope that each of us is examining his/her conscience for areas of stubbornness, presumption and pride.]
I'm up early as I'm off to a Life Skills Workshop where I'm going to learn some things about planning for the future of our four sons with Down syndrome. It's kinda hard to leave as three of my grandchildren spent the night last night and will be here until Samantha and Kip come at four for a big family dinner. And Ben and Zach are coming home from Liberty U for the week.
But the aunties are going to take care of everything. Jonny will be off on a Boy Scout trip to spend the night on a Coast Guard cutter (Man, he is in the BEST troop ever!) and I am taking Jesse and Daniel with me because they have childcare. Tripp has to work today. Part of me (most of me) really wants to stay home, but I feel this kind of planning ahead is important and I don't know when I'll get the chance to participate in an event like this again.
The week has flown by. Last Sunday I attended Mass for the first time in decades. Although, as you know, over the years I've sought solace/inspiration/refuge by sitting quietly in Catholic churches wherever I've lived or visited.
I went early because my intention was - as it still remains - to also go to church with my family. It didn't work last week because Maddy was sick so I had to stay home with her. But this week Maddy wants to go to Mass and our church both, so we will go together.
I actually wrote some notes during the Mass as I wanted to share my impressions - which were tumbling out so vividly.
As I put my hand on the door to enter, I heard from deep within my soul "The Lord is in His Holy Temple. Let all the earth keep silence before Him." I felt that same reverence and awe as I genuflected, made the sign of the Cross and knelt in adoration.
I do now so understand why the Catholic Church feels different - it's because of the presence of the Eucharist. I understand that now. I am constantly drawn to adore Jesus as He is present there - and I have stopped by this week just for that purpose.
And what a freedom to be able to kneel and worship my Father God in a holy place. To me, these things do not represent a rejection of evangelicalism and all that I've been taught, all the ways I've grown, and all the ways I've grown closer to God - but they represent a fulfillment. I feel complete.
I have never been interested in arguing theology. While some may scoff at that, the reason I shared my testimony in such detail was to show that a relationship with God involves a leap of faith. My B. A. is in philosophy - and no one could have argued me into Chrisitianity. I had to suspend disbelief and accept the mystery and miracle of God sending His son to die for my sins. Come on, that's not a logical thing. I submit that just as my becoming a Christian cannot be logically explained because it is based on my accepting miracles, neither can my refining my faith as a Catholic.
I am a person who's lived by faith for 20 years. I've been to churches subscribing to many shades of theology. I have always maintained that my faith is best when it is most childlike and directly linked to God. Mine will remain that way - which is why the comments may be filled with debate, but to me this is irrelevant.
I know that some Evangelicals harbor great prejudice against Catholics. My link has already come down from the site of one of my oldest Christian sister blogger and she is writing cryptic entries about wolves misleading the sheep. That is just so sad.
But I have to follow God no matter what men/women think of me. And because I'm a communicator, I will continue to share my journey - not with the purpose of leading anyone anywhere. But probably largely due to the fact that God has always called me to be a bridge between groups that misunderstand one another. I know my efforts are small and not that important in the scheme of things. This is just what I'm called to do.
Protestants and evangelicals who harbor contempt for the Catholic Church - who would even go so far as to say a Christian sister becoming Catholic is a wolf misleading sheep (how much farther until I am the antiChrist?) - would probably be very surprised at what they would find at a Catholic mass.
First of all, the attention is focused on the Cross, which is allowed to dominate because nothing is in front of it other than the Communion table - the symbol of the important act that Jesus asked us to do together to remember him. I find this approach to reflect the attitude I want to maintain during worship - that it is not man-centered but God-centered. I like that the Mass is less people talking about God than people getting out of the way and letting God's word speak to me.
We begin by humbling ourselves and confessing our sins - asking for intercession from Mary, the saints and our brothers and sisters in Christ. This grouping of those who have loved and served/now love and serve Jesus is called the Communion of Saints. And I have no more problem asking for intercession from the saints in heaven than I have asking for intercession from the saints on earth. Evangelicals are firm on cutting off our ties to those who've served and left examples for us and now are united with God. Does this make any sense at all? It no longer makes sense to me.
Then there is a responsive reading from Psalms.
In fact, the first 20 minutes or so are all Scripture - a reading from the Old Testament, a reading from the New Testament, and a reading from the Gospel.
I jotted down this part of the liturgy surrounding the scripture: "glorified by the word of God through the body and blood of Jesus Christ"
[I have to leave now or I will be late. I will finish this when I get home, then republish in full. I am going to disable comments until I finish this entry - so hold your thoughts. And I ask for you to pray for relationships and respect broken over this issue. How strange to be held up as a role model until I do something "wrong" in evangelical eyes]
Continued and comments enabled at WIBAWIB 4
Posted in Catholicism, My life | Permalink
