December 12, 2007 1:56 PM
Having kids later in life
Barbara, Just a quick question...I've been reading your blog for a couple of years now and enjoy your insights. I am 36. My husband is 46. We have 3 children (9, 6, and 2) who I thank God for everyday. My heart is ready for more! What would you tell someone (my husband) who thinks that having a fourth child would be unfair to the child because of advanced parental age? My husband thinks that he will be too old by the time the child is grown.Thank you for your blog! It's a blessing in my life!
Cherie
As someone who had her last birth child at 46 and adopted child at 52, I'd be inclined to point out that we are living longer and enjoying better health than ever. I have six kids 19 and up plus six kids at home young enough to be my grandchildren and they are quite happy with their dad and me, old as we are :)
My youngest daughter - now 14 - is such a treasure I can't imagine life without her.
Not to mention that we're not just talking about adding to the parents' blessings, but to the kids' as well.
I'd say go for it! But that's only if you're both open to it :)
~~~~~~~~~
Also, see Ten Great Reasons to Have Another Child
Cherie wanted me to post this to see what you all have to say -
Posted in Mothering | Permalink
Comments
okay! I love this post! It made me smile! I'm glad to see you have so many kids. I have 4 and people think I"m off my rocker most days! lol.. we still want to adopt some in the future.
Posted by: amydeanne | December 12, 2007 5:16 PM
I had my last baby a month shy of my 42nd birthday. (I got married at 30, and we have six, plus some miscarriages.) My "baby" is now in high school -- I'm almost 57 -- and the only time "advanced parental age" is a problem is when somebody (the AARP or my state representative or such) thinks that I must be "retired". Still going, sill loving being a mom!
Posted by: Salome Ellen | December 12, 2007 6:12 PM
I had my youngest at 41 after being told by my doctor that I would not be able to have any more children, and she is now a delightful 8 year old. My older sister had her last at 45, my younger sister had twins at 42, and my younger brothers both had their youngest children in their late 30's. They are all such a blessing, and having a houseful of young children playing and laughing together made it possible for my father and all of us to get through the death of my mother last month.
Posted by: melissa | December 12, 2007 6:50 PM
I had my youngest-at-this-point when 45, our eighth. When someone is talking about people being "too old" to have children, I always wish I could probe what they mean precisely. The cliche seems to be "too old to play ball", but surely that can't be the inner reason. Would they really say that a 25 year old man with, say, a leg infirmity which prevents him playing ball shouldn't father sons? I believe that to be a cliche that doesn't stand up to reason.
Then there are the statements, a little more honest perhaps, about "I don't want my child to be embarrassed when I come to their school". Or "I don't want to be too tired to keep up with them". But these, I think, reflect the shallow nature of our particular culture, both on the part of we parents and what we have trained our children (or allowed our children to be trained by others) to be. And these sentiments do not reflect our best. Pride in appearance, pride in seeming "youthful" to others . . . an intolerance of age which is horrible.
I get a lot of negative comments, some veiled, some direct, about being 46 and still being open to more children. We who bear blessings later in life are thought to be shockingly out of the mainstream, but we are not. We are in the mainstream of the flow of history - this feeling that once a woman is past 35 she is "too old" is a very recent change, and I take comfort in the "cloud of witnesses".
Kimberly
Posted by: Kimberly | December 13, 2007 1:19 AM
My parents and grandparents all had their last at 43. The youngest never suffered, only thrived. Just think of all the lessons a "seasoned" parent has learned and how much more they have too offer. I truly believe it has kept my own parents young. And another thing, my oldest and their youngest are only two months apart, thus they were NEVER shocked about all the kid activity when we are around. It was definitely more of an adjustment for my in-laws who had not had a baby around for 12 years.
I truly hope I am still able to have a child at 43, and 46 would be even better!
Take all the gifts God will give you, you will be so proud of them when you are "older".
Posted by: carolyn | December 13, 2007 9:21 AM
I had my 4th child at 42. She has the gift of joy and I would have really missed something if we had not had her. I am sad that I am now too old to have another little sibling for her, she would love to be a big sister. A new baby is work and hard work but so is anything else worth having. If your husband enjoys the other children, he will enjoy the new one. Finances and health can change on a dime, a new child is eternal. By the way, I did not have my oldest child until I was 35 so you are both off to a great start.
Posted by: Jane Duquette | December 13, 2007 11:36 PM
