December 1, 2007 3:00 PM
Evangelical to Catholic: my journey #8
[Note: this is part of a continuing series chronicling my journey from evangelicalism to Catholicism. This series is not meant to cause division, but to reveal division already there - and to spark honest discussion. As an evangelical I've heard and continue to hear lots of criticism of the Catholic church but little self-examination on the Protestant side. So if my comments seem more directed towards questioning nonCatholic believers, that is why. Please, if you are new to this discussion, realize that a lot of ground has already been covered in the comments and read through those on previous entries before rehashing old news. I am receiving a lot of feedback that this has been an eye-opening and thought-provoking series for many believers on either side. If that is the case, then I consider my call as a writer fulfilled. I can only hope that each of us is examining his/her conscience for areas of stubbornness, presumption and pride.]
Just want to take a few minutes to catch up on what is going on in my life.
Last week was very, very busy with taking care of medical issues and IEPs. Some sinusitis floating among the kids, so antibiotics. Our pediatrician is absolutely wonderful and keeps up to date on all their needs so when she did their checkups in October, she ordered all the appropriate testing for my guys with Down syndrome.
Jonny's thyroid levels have tested low for a while, so I took him to the endocrinologist and he does indeed have hypothyroidism (parents of kids with Down syndrome need to make sure your pediatrician checks for this), so he has started thyroid replacement meds.
He also has some curvature of the spine, so we went to see an pediatric orthopedic surgeon. His curvature is 14% - under the 20% where they usually intervene, so we will just keep a watch on it. However, Jonny does need foot surgery to correct a displaced tendon which is supposed to lead to his big toe and keep it in line. Many people with Down syndrome kids have a wider space between the big and second toe and Jonny's is increasing, which is making his foot turn out and on the way to developing bunions. So we will be scheduling this in January.
The deal with the doctor appointments is that since we live in the country it takes an extra 2 1/2 hours out of my day just to travel there and back.
Okay, I'm not complaining - just explaining why I haven't been able to blog as much as I'd like.
I had a wonderful IEP meeting with Daniel's teacher and team on Tuesday. This was the situation I thought was absolutely irreparable and yet something happened. For one thing, I worked to become more knowledgeable and started being more proactive on Daniel's behalf. I apologized to people for my over-the-top response. I've found that even when someone else should be apologizing, if they are stuck then doing it myself will work wonders for improving the situation.
But the main thing is that I can feel God changing me as I continue my journey into the Catholic faith. There is a line in the St. Crispin's Day speech in Henry V where Henry says, "Be he ne'er so vile, this day will gentle his condition." While he's talking about the nobility the soldiers will gain who go into battle outnumbered that day, I find the phrase coming to my mind because it is the only place I can think of where "gentle" is used as a verb.
This is what is happening to me. God is gentling my condition. He is teaching me to trust him even more than I have before. He is smoothing away some of the hard places of my heart, enabling me to accept things that would have caused me impatience and/or frustration before.
I cannot emphasize enough that I have no quarrel with the church I have been attending. But it is difficult for them to accept me as I am because of their misconceptions about Catholicism. The pastor and his wife came over last week to talk to Tripp and me, and though it started out well and he is a kind person, by the time they left it was clear that he came with an agenda based on the idea that I needed fixing.
It makes it hard to stay and relate to people when they obviously think there is something wrong with you that needs to be set right. When I say I'd like to focus on the common ground we share - the Nicene Creed - that somehow isn't good enough. I have to be dragged through a discussion about specific passages in Galatians and dismissals of James.
These discussions are doomed before they begin because they are based on misconceptions about the Catholic Church's teachings and using certain verses as proof texts to show that somehow my faith now falls short of "true" Christianity.
I don't have any close Catholic friends. No one is persuading me to join the Catholic Church. Because of some entanglements in my past, it actually is going to be a long process - which I am willing to go through not because I "have to" in order to be saved (the evangelical misconception). I know I'm saved. This is an act of obedience - in the same manner in which evangelicals say that we should submit to water baptism not as a means to salvation but as an act of obedience.
I feel connected now through church history to the roots of my faith and I am willing to keep the traditions not because they will earn me heaven or bring me closer to God (the evangelical interpretation of Catholic faith) but because I just want to. They are outward symbols of my inner faith.
It is really quite simple.
So where does this leave me? I don't know. I had wanted to continue to go to the church my family still attends, but it does feel weird to be surrounded by people who want to fix you. I certainly don't like having a template imposed on my faith by those who are determined the Catholic Church is wrong no matter what.
I have not proselytized, only tried to find the common ground. I have listened patiently to those who want to set me straight. I have not argued. I will not argue. I am no longer looking to distinguish what sets me apart as a Christian, but seeking the unity and continuity of the faith as handed down from the beginning. Many people wiser than I - pastors and theologians - ended up as Catholics simply through studying the writings of the earliest fathers of the church.
I have been accused of relying on my experience and emotions. All I can say is what I've said before. It's much simpler than anyone can imagine. I'm answering a call. It involves a leap of faith. Very similar to the Damascus Road-type experience in which I became a Christian on March 21, 1987. I could not have explained or defended that leap of faith. I could only tell it was right by the peace in my heart.
I have that peace - only more so - now, even though I am in effect between two worlds. And the peace which has descended on my marriage and family is a miracle indeed. You can't explain things like that.
When others do not or will not understand, I am finding once again that it is enough to trust God.
Next week I will be in Massachusetts to cover a story for Citizen. As is the case in many of these articles concerning pro-life and pro-family work, I will be interviewing evangelicals and Catholics who have somehow managed to put aside their differences in order to work together against the true enemy we face.
I guess this has made my perspective a little different. But I do so wish this kind of forbearance would filter down to the local church level. Maybe then - if we could turn our gaze out into the world - we could begin to be salt and light. If we could stop wasting all this energy on carving out our little niches within God's kingdom, we might begin to at least slow the moral collapse of our country.
Do you think God really wants us to spend time trying to figure out why another church doesn't really get it right? I just don't think so.
Posted in Catholicism, Church Issues, My life | Permalink
Comments
Awesome post Barbara and I think you really "get it" arguing really is pointless, I agree, we need to focus on what we have in common and go forward that way instead of pointing fingers at all that is different.
My husband after 14 yrs of marriage is in R.C.I.A. at my parish, I never pushed or prodded, I just prayed and put it in God's hands and my husband came to this all by himself (he was LCMS) I am really excited and I am so thankful that I let God do things in his time and not mine.
I so enjoy your blog, Blessings to you and yours.
Posted by: Tracy | December 1, 2007 4:12 PM
hello Barbara, my sister Betty, who has a dear 5 year old daughter with ds, introduced me to your blog. Welcome, Barbara! Welcome to the Eucharist, to the beautiful sacrament of confession, to 2000 years of tradition and history, to the family and fellowship of the saints! may the Holy Spirit guide you as you give witness (martyr means witness) to your very dear friends and family who love Jesus so much too! love and prayers this advent!
Posted by: mary | December 1, 2007 7:15 PM
Barbara,
Perhaps your pastor's response is not about you. After all, if he admitted you might be called to reconcile yourself with the Catholic church; if he were to come to the conclusion that there just might be something to the Catholic church's claims, if he were to recognize that God may be at work there, what would it mean for him, and his faith?
"but it does feel weird to be surrounded by people who want to fix you"
I attended my husband's church (Calvary Chapel) for quite a while at the advice of my priest. We would go to Mass, then his services (one was at 9am, the other at 11 am.) I've felt the same way, both at church, and when some of my husband's closest Christian childhood friends would decide to "save me". I was a pet project for a while.
My son has an "invisible disability" - he looks, and often sounds like a regular kid. Even his mother (me) can get impatient with him - thinking to myself "Must we really do this AGAIN? More OCD AGAIN? Another nightmare, AGAIN?"
But, I can see the world from his eyes, just a little bit. I've been in places where people make comments, won't meet your eye, or find something else to do when you approach, just as he often is. As iron sharpens iron, God used that trial to help give me a heart for my son.
He works all things for good!
Posted by: Milehimama | December 1, 2007 8:13 PM
Dear Barbara,
For those who say you are relying too much on feelings (and I know that the Bible says the heart lies, our souls don't), just sing, "It is Well With My Soul"! "When peace like a river attendeth my way, when sorrows and sea billows roll, whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say, It is Well, It is Well, With My Soul!"
I'm not Catholic. The closest thing in my family history for hundreds of years is my dad's side of the family Episcopal Heritage. But I understand the longing for where God is taking you, and having few around you understand!
Peace be with you!
Posted by: Sara | December 1, 2007 11:32 PM
God bless you, Barbara, on your journey home!
There is one point on which I'd like to offer a clarification.
[I]t actually is going to be a long process - which I am willing to go through not because I "have to" in order to be saved (the evangelical misconception). I know I'm saved. This is an act of obedience - in the same manner in which evangelicals say that we should submit to water baptism not as a means to salvation but as an act of obedience.
It is certainly true that Protestants may achieve salvation. There may come a point, though, in the life of someone outside the Catholic Church, where the act of obedience does become a matter of salvation. To then turn away from the Church and her Sacraments--if this were done with full knowledge and full consent--would be to reject Christ himself, whose bride the Church is (Catechism of the Catholic Church, 846-847). We do believe that salvation can be lost and therefore pray for the grace of perseverance.
In saying this I certainly don't mean to alarm you--I remember being similarly reassured by a priest when I expressed anxiety about whether I needed to be received into the Catholic Church right away. No, there's time for you to ask all the questions you need to ask. Trust that God the tender-hearted Father will know when you are ready.
The peace of the Lord be with you always!
Posted by: The Sheepcat | December 2, 2007 8:31 AM
Why are you surprised that your pastor is not happy with the Catholic conversion? I would be surprised if he was fine with it.
Similarly, I would assume that most parish priests would be unhappy should a parishioner decide to become a Protestant.
There is a difference! You have said you no longer believe in the five "solas." They are, I think, the big chasm between the two faiths.
Posted by: Marie | December 2, 2007 3:05 PM
This is a beautiful post. Thank you so much for sharing this process with us. I look forward to hearing more about your journey.
Posted by: Samantha | December 2, 2007 7:27 PM
Dear Barbara,
I think what you have written is just beautiful! How else can one explain the working of the Holy Spirit in one's soul? Usually, it is not something that human words can describe. The peace and joy you feel are the fruits of the Holy Spirit. Yes, you are trusting God and He is pouring out a multitude of grace on you.
You have many Catholic readers here that consider you their friend, a sister in Christ. I pray for you every day and especially when I pray the rosary.
Thanks for all you share on your blog, I love to read it. Peace in Christ, Julie C.M.
Posted by: Julie C.M. | December 2, 2007 8:11 PM
Hi Barbara,
As someone who posted earlier for you: welcome to 2000 years of history and worship of the triune God. Welcome to Saints who will pray for you, the Mother of God who will pray for you, and millions of Catholics who (mostly) follow the same ancient dogma created by the Savior of the World. Fear not what those others will say to you, just listen to God. And get to an RCIA class -- Roman Catholic Information for Adults. Find out the why and where-it-all-started in the life of the Catholic faith. It all makes a tremendous amount of sense.
Keep posting and listening to God. He won't lead you astray. Catholicism is chock full! Embrace it and enjoy and grow in the faith.
God Bless You My Sister
Posted by: Marya | December 2, 2007 8:35 PM
Actually, I must dispute the person who said that a Priest would be upset if a Catholic became protestant. I left the Catholic church for four years and became a member of my husband's church (LCMS) my Priest said "I'm so sorry you don't feel the Catholic church is the right church for you but I won't stop you, that is your free will, but I will Pray for you always and I will Pray that you come back home" that was it... he didn't try to shame me, fix me, not a thing... he said.. you have free will and if you are not happy, we can't make you stay, we will pray for you always and you will always be welcome home anytime" and for four years I was a member of the LCMS and for four years I was miserable, knowing that I left the one true church because I thought that my children needed both their parents to go to the same church, but boy, I was wrong.. and when I saw that it was more important that my children see their parents in a good relationship with God, I was so ready to come back home... I made a promise to raise these kids in the Catholic church and even though I felt bad that my kids didn't have what I had growing up (a mom and dad who went to the same church) I could not continue to pretend I was o.k. with what the LCMS believed and I could not lie to myself any longer, I never once in my heart stopped being Catholic, I ached for the blessed sacrament, I ached for Mass and the fullness of Christ in his Church. So, I came back and my Priest said " I knew you would be back, welcome home" that was seven years ago and seven years of trusting God to know what is right for my family... two years ago my husband stopped going to the LCMS church and started going with me to Mass, three months ago he began the R.C.I.A. program... all on his own.. when I let go and let God it all came together. And I must say that I am on fire for the Lord... it took leaving the Catholic church for me to see how amazing my faith really is... I had to read all the books, watch all the programs on the coming home network, I finally understood why I could simply not be happy anywhere else, this is the church that Jesus founded, this is where he wants me to be. He knew my husband wasn't ready and so it took 13 years for my husband to come home.
Sorry to take this all over the place, but, I just want to say that, no, not all Priests will react like your minister Barbara, mine did not at all, he told me I would be missed, he was sad to see me go, he wished me well and he prayed for me and he prayed I would come home... I did... his prayers worked more than trying to fix me.. he let God fix me.. Praise the Lord!
Posted by: Meredith | December 2, 2007 10:04 PM
Barbara, I've been eagerly reading every post in this series.
Just an aside: my 20 year old daughter was diagnosed with curvature of the spine (atypical scoliosis) this past year. She's been under the care of a chiropractor who also has her doing a regimen of postural exercises. It has actually slightly decreased the degree of curvature and has also helped her deal with some of the odd aches, pains, and other symptoms caused by the curvature. I'm not sure if this is something you want to consider for Jonny.
Posted by: Rebecca | December 2, 2007 10:06 PM
Barbara,
I have been following your posts on your journey to the Catholic church, and want you to know that I am praying for you as you continue your walk. I converted nearly 19 years ago, and have been blessed in so many ways. I cannot imagine how I could live without the Eucharist and the many other graces found in the Catholic church. Your courage in sharing your journey has brought you many painful comments and some broken relationships, but I think you will find in the end that they have been in reality a blessing to you. You will know by the time you are received into the Church that you have not jumped into conversion blindly, but with your eyes, heart, and soul wide open. May God truly bless you with His peace that passes all human understanding.
Posted by: melissa | December 3, 2007 10:36 PM
